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Doubting diagnosis now, why???? Please help


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Diagnosed on Fri. by nhs psychologist with moderate to severe ocd. Diagnosed with same by private cbt psychotherapist 2 months ago.

Managed to be some sort of functioning on Fri. after nhs diagnosis.....it gave me reassurance.

However, I have gone back to doubting if I genuinely have ocd or if it's just me.

Please help, I fear I may be reverting to avoidance. Been back to googling all things ocd for past 3 days. Why am I doubting myself again?

I want to be the happy person I was back in Feb. once more.

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Hiya, ur doubting ur OCD because u have OCD, the French call it the doubting disease, for good reason! STOP all compulsions, googling etc. Just remember if ur doubting its OCD, it's OCD! Reassurance never lasts long with this disorder which is why we need to stop seeking it! X

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Think of OCD as a thing that will CONSTANTLY try and catch you out and try and make you question everything! If a doctor says "OCD" then your OCD in your brain will make you say things like "I wonder if it is really OCD or just me?" I shouldn't really be doing this as reassurance is fuel to the fire but as Wonderer said it is the doubting disease and I want to try and help you! Horrible thing isn't it? it's like a puzzle or a computer game that we must read guides and walk throughs to conquer it! Buy some books on OCD and you'll see millions of people are in the same boat, but they are a big part of recovery. The more we know about this crippling brain disorder the more we can do to cure it! If we could all learn to use the word "maybe" we would all be fine - "maybe I did leave the garage door unlocked" "maybe I did touch a door handle without washing my hands after" but it's a lot easier said than done! Googling is a terrible one for me, I google absolutely everything looking for reassurance, the thoughts are that crazy that I don't even feel right typing them in!

 

Sorry for ranting but I felt like I related a lot to what you had posted and thought I would share a few thoughts.

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I had a feeling this would happen which is why I didn't comment initially on your previous thread, as it looked to me like you were reassured by your diagnosis and that was why you were able to do all of those things such as go out shopping etc.... because you had used your diagnosis as reassurance and the relief you felt would only be temporary.

However, don't be disheartened by this. Use this as an opportunity to push forward now with your CBT. Don't let OCD get a grip on you again. The most important thing you can do is to not do any compulsions when the doubting intrusive thoughts come into your head. That means no googling, no seeking reassurance and most importantly no ruminating.

Ruminating is the hardest compulsion to refrain from doing as it feels like it's automatic, but with practice you can train yourself to stop ruminating and eventually not do it at all. Whenever you find yourself ruminating gently bring your focus back into the present moment and on what you were doing before you started ruminating or back to your current environment.

When you ruminate you're "in your head", and the goal is to get out of your head and back into the present moment.

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I managed to go back to the shops in town today, didn't enjoy it, couldn't relax to look at stuff, was repeatedly thinking about my obsessions and self-doubt, but at least I went.

 

PolarBear, do you mean that I should stop googling anything to do with ocd at all?

Also, I see that you are an ex-sufferer. Would you care to give an outline of what measures you took to reach recovery? 

Thanks

Quote

 

 

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If you are researching OCD to feel better about Your diagnosis then it is a compulsion and it needs to stop.

I responded well to meds and I too CBT and fully engaged with it. I also became educated about OCD so I could understand what was going on in my mind.

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PolarBear, I am not fully understanding about googling. Is it alright to google some stuff about ocd if it's not with the aim of seeking reassurance or is googling all things ocd a form of reassurance seeking?

Also, I know we all respond differently to meds, but the ssri I stopped which kept me ocd symptom free for 7 years was 10 mg escitalopram. I have been back on it for around 3 months and I don't think it's going to work this time around for me. May I ask what med you are on?

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Researching OCD because you want to get informed is perfectly fine. Researching OCD because you're trying to get rid of anxiety and/Or you want reassurance is a compulsion.

I am on 30 mg of escitalopram and 1.5 mg of respiradone. Note that I had more going on than just OCD.

That book will do you no harm. I recommend it.

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Thank you.

I thought the max. dose of escitalopram prescribed by gp in UK is 20 mg??

I had upped my dose to 20 mg for 3 weeks, as had been on 10 mg for 5 weeks with no improvement. However, I was very confused as to whether or not I really wanted to be back on meds at the

 time, so I came back down to 10 mg about a month ago, but like I say, it doesn't seem to be doing much, if anything.

I know you have did the hard slog with cbt and erp, but how effective did you find escitalopram for calming intrusive thoughts and at what dose? Did you add the respiradone after going on the ssri as it wasn't effective on it's own. I would be afraid to go on respiradone, although I know little about it.

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20mg is the highest allowable dose in the UK. Here in Canada the max is 30 mg.

If an SSRI is going to help with OCD it is usually a higher dose. 10mg is for general anxiety.

Don't read too much into me taking respiradone. As I said, I had more going on than just OCD. We tried it and it worked very well for me. Some studies show adding an antipsychotic yo an SSRI for OCD is no better than a placebo. It's a real shot in the dark.

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Thanks.

So do you think it looks as if 10 mg escitalopram isn't going to work for me this time?

I did

WEEK 1-5 at 10 mg

WEEK 6-8 at 20 mg

WEEK 9-12/13 at 10 mg, which is where I am at currently.

Is this long enough to know if it's going to work?

10 mg kept my ocd away for 7 years, but, like I said, it's come back with much more horrific thoughts and images this time.

        

 

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That should be long enough to see a result if you're going to get one. You might want to talk to your doctor about going back up to 20mg. You dont have to wait as long to see am improvement if theres going to be one.

I caution you though to not put all your hopes on the med. CBT is the fix.

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Yes, I know cbt is regarded as the most effective treatment, but I wasn't offered it when I previously went on the med, so when I came off it, I had not learned any cbt skills to help me stay well. I am definitely going to do the cbt and erp, am just waiting to see if the CMHT are going to treat me.

Am afraid to up the dose at this time, as I have hardly been outdoors in 5 months and in a month's time, there is a concert coming up of someone I love. I bought the ticket way back in March, just before I became ill. I saw him when he played here in 2015 (I was well on escitalopram at that time and could go anywhere and do anything, brimful of confidence and happiness). I went on my own and was up dancing the  entire night,......I can't believe I am like this now, so sick.It's a venue that seats 12,000, which didn't phase me when I was well. I would dearly love to be able to go this time, but I don't know if my ocd will terrify me into not going, due to the size of the place and due to the fact that my intrusive thoughts have caused me to practice extreme avoidance these past several months.

Edited by bwelagain
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What do you think PolarBear?

Should I give into the ocd and miss out on the concert or should I do my utmost to get there and enjoy it, nomatter how nervous I may be about going? I loved it the last time.......the artist was outstanding.

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2 hours ago, bwelagain said:

Should I give into the ocd and miss out on the concert or should I do my utmost to get there and enjoy it, nomatter how nervous I may be about going? I loved it the last time.......the artist was outstanding.

Let's rephrase that to reveal what you're really asking...

'Should I let my OCD dictate what I do or try to overcome my fear?'

Hmm, let me think... :dry: 

If you aren't prepared to face your OCD fears to achieve something that's important to you, when are you going to face them? :confused1: 

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3 hours ago, bwelagain said:

Should I give into the ocd and miss out on the concert or should I do my utmost to get there and enjoy it, nomatter how nervous I may be about going?

What would your answer be if someone asked that question to you?

Not one person here would say "yes you should let OCD win".

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Thank you snowbear, Lynz and PolarBear.

I am going to go. These past months have been hell as I just lay down and let ocd win. I so deserve to go to that concert and ocd is not going to rob me of such a wonderful night.

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7 hours ago, bwelagain said:

Thank you snowbear, Lynz and PolarBear.

I am going to go. These past months have been hell as I just lay down and let ocd win. I so deserve to go to that concert and ocd is not going to rob me of such a wonderful night.

Yes! :cheer:You'll have a great time bwelagain. Let us know what it's like when you go.

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