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ocdsufferer85

Terrified. In need of help.

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You are choosing to believe that dissing the holy spirit or whatever is unforgivable and that means dire consequences for you. Yes, you really are choosing to believe that. And that's at the center of what you're going through. You can choose differently.

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Im taking the responsibility of it as though i did something when i didnt,  but what i hold guilt for is feeling on the edge thus creating this doubt.

I knew that would destroy me, and i feel i Should have been more 'careful' 

I guess it attacks when you think youre winning. I saw what it was planning but somehow still fell for it.

Its so mind boggling, i always feel a need to unravel a knot in my brain.

Its funny how everyone here is unable to work out their own ocd but give logical advice to others. 

Its a different matter when you feel lost in your own head. 

 

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HDC   

It's funny isn't it...! But sometimes it takes seeing OCD in someone else to make you realise that no matter what the obsession, we all do compulsions that keep our OCD going... if we stop those, we give OCD less and less power over time! 

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Some days i can see how its blown up and irrational

But it doesnt last 

Next im convinced im some evil person trying to get out of doing something awful and that its all my fault 

I just feel so tired of feeling like a monster, and not being able to figure out whats real and what is insane, i feel so used to the guilt i dont know what its like to be normal anymore.

Its awful how something that was after unwanted thoughts, UNWANTED thoughts! Turns into a walking nightmare.

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Emsie   

Like you say, it is blown up and irrational. Listen to your rational side. 

The less you ruminate over it, which is I think your main compulsion, and also by stopping any other compulsions you may have, the more it will fade in to the insignificance it deserves. Try your hardest, it's your compulsions that are keeping you stuck.

Do what you do on those days where it feels blown up and irrational. I'm guessing there was less ruminating and other compulsions on those days. The feeling of it being irrational won't last if you keep doing compulsions. 

Be kind to yourself, look after yourself, keep busy and do nice things. It will pass even though you feel it won't. I have had many fears where I thought that I would never get over them and I would have to live the rest of my life with them...but guess what, they're gone because I can now see them as the rubbish they were. That only happened when I stopped my compulsions. You can do this too. Give yourself the opportunity. 

Take care,

Em 😊

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Finding it impossible to stop going over and over and over. Sometimes it feels insane and impossible the next time im unsure and filled with panic. Theres a voice saying you did it.

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On 11/09/2017 at 06:21, OceanDweller said:

Hi ocdsufferer85. You're not listening to the sage advice being offered here. I would suggest you reread the responses and properly assimilate each and every word.

This continues to apply my friend.

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I know. I know. 

How can i know whats real and false when it feels so real?

Was i destined for this worry?

Its like whatever i would do or not do ocd would leave me convinced i did wrong

Once i wind back to this event originally i let it go because i realised it wasnt anything, i didnt do anything, i didnt speak, the most i did was breath sounds. I would have known. There wouldnt be doubt.

But since replaying it all these details have been added.

How can i know whats false memories? 

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5 hours ago, ocdsufferer85 said:

Finding it impossible to stop going over and over and over. Sometimes it feels insane and impossible the next time im unsure and filled with panic. Theres a voice saying you did it.

So what if you did? Only in your mind is it this awful thing. Most people could care less

 

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