Little things

[LucyV]

I wanted to ask what people's opinions are on rituals or habits regarding ocd. I do several things. Like my rope on my dressing gown has to be equal or my curtains must be left over right. I've done these things for years and if stressed or upset I do have to do more but I usually just do the same things I've always done. So my question is. Would you say I should stop all of these immediately or wait until my intrusive thoughts about other things are more controlled? because I feel like the little things are sometimes infact a comfort. I am sure none of it is good but by doing the smaller things, I do find at times that it stops me having such a hard time with intrusive thoughts about more serious issues. Obviously it's a control thing and maybe I'm just replacing one ocd with another. I would like to not do any of it but I wanted to hear other people's views on this 

Edited September 19, 2017 by LucyV

[ashipinharbor]

I heard of one guy who had multiple ocd-related issues, and his therapist started with the smaller things.

I get why you'd see them as a comfort, to kinda keep while working on bigger stuff. I'm just saying what I've heard.

Are you seeing a therapist?

[PolarBear]

Compulsions are compulsions. It doesn't matter if you see them as big or small. They're all pointless and they don't give you lasting peace of mind. They only lead to more compulsions.

Start doing things the opposite way. Go right over left. Have things out of whack. That's the real world. Embrace the chaos!

[LucyV]

I'm not at the moment but have a phone appointment with one in 2 weeks time to start the ball rolling.

I have left things far too long but if I'm honest. I have several mental health issues but they only seem to be a problem when it comes to relationships so I usually just don't stay in one but I have been with my new partner for 5 months and have decided that I can't stay on my own just to avoid the problems I have 

[ashipinharbor]

1 minute ago, LucyV said:

I'm not at the moment but have a phone appointment with one in 2 weeks time to start the ball rolling.

Congratulations! I wish you sucess and happiness 

[LucyV]

2 minutes ago, PolarBear said:

Compulsions are compulsions. It doesn't matter if you see them as big or small. They're all pointless and they don't give you lasting peace of mind. They only lead to more compulsions.

Start doing things the opposite way. Go right over left. Have things out of whack. That's the real world. Embrace the chaos!

Hi polar bear 

Ok so based on your reply it gives me the question that is tough for me. My Dad is the reason I do left over right as he always had it that way. Here is the tricky part... I lost my Dad 7 years ago. So I'm torn with this because I would like to rid any kind of ritual but I feel like it reminds me of him :/ that's the toughest one 

[LucyV]

Just now, ashipinharbor said:

Congratulations! I wish you sucess and happiness 

Thank you so much and of course the same to you 

[PolarBear]

12 minutes ago, LucyV said:

Hi polar bear 

Ok so based on your reply it gives me the question that is tough for me. My Dad is the reason I do left over right as he always had it that way. Here is the tricky part... I lost my Dad 7 years ago. So I'm torn with this because I would like to rid any kind of ritual but I feel like it reminds me of him :/ that's the toughest one 

Your dad was not a curtain. 

[LucyV]

9 minutes ago, PolarBear said:

Your dad was not a curtain. 

Indeed he wasn't but my point to that is that it's something about my Dad that all of my family remember. For other family members it wouldn't matter that they still did it as it doesn't make any odds and they just do it and smile just as I do but for someone with ocd it makes me think. Should I stop doing that... I mean if I didn't have ocd then maybe I would do it anyway just because it's comforting. Humans have all kinds of comforts that are not seen as a problem. 

But even writing this reply I do wonder the idea of completely stopping everything. It feels similar to giving up smoking.... I want to give up as it's bad for me but I would also feel a little lost without it. I've never known life without ocd and that feels strange to imagine but also I remember when I moved house and the first couple of months I felt really alive because I realised I was not doing rituals or was walking away from them. Apart from the curtains. That feels so set in me just like being taught how to hold my knife and fork correctly 

Edited September 19, 2017 by LucyV

[PolarBear]

What it boils down to is, is it a problem or not? I imagine you set up the curtains just once and that's it. If you were going back again and again because they just didn't seem right then it would be a problem and it needs to be addressed. If it's just a quirk, leave it alone and deal with things that are causing problems.

[LucyV]

16 minutes ago, PolarBear said:

What it boils down to is, is it a problem or not? I imagine you set up the curtains just once and that's it. If you were going back again and again because they just didn't seem right then it would be a problem and it needs to be addressed. If it's just a quirk, leave it alone and deal with things that are causing problems.

I totally see what you mean and I can adjust them at times but I usually arrange them and then tell myself to shut up and walk away if I get the urge to start 're doing them. I feel like the last two days have been easier for me to walk away. I changed my bedding last night and usually that's just a drama in itself. Labels of things facing certain ways etc etc but I literally said oh I don't care and made the bed whatever way I picked up the pillows etc instead of making them all the way I usually have to. 

I am grateful that despite the mental health issues sometimes making me feel weak. I am quite strong after a lot of trauma because otherwise I'm not sure I  could cope at all. 

The one thing that has really helped me to stop doing nearly as much rituals as i used to is my son. I noticed he was doing rituals himself ( he suffer anxiety and behavioural issues) and it hit me like a brick that he had learnt this behaviour from me. I brushed off the guilt as that is not any help and am now using it as a reminder that I know how rubbish ocd is and want my son to stop it in its tracks so that means me showing him how 

Edited September 19, 2017 by LucyV

[ashipinharbor]

59 minutes ago, LucyV said:

Thank you so much and of course the same to you 

No problem! And thanks!

[taurean]

Hi Lucy. 

The fact is that compulsions connect with, and strengthen, OCD. Fact. 

As ship says, it's best to work on eliminating them gradually. A ritual is a compulsion and, whatever we say about the need to do them, they are a consequence of, and part of, the process obsession + compulsion = disorder, and driven by the disorder. 

I remember my father-in-law by useful sayings that he considered helpful in life, and what he meant as a person to myself and my wife - not by an unhelpful disorder -strengthening compulsion. 

So I suggest you look for something like that to remember your father by, and work on eliminating the compulsive ritual.