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So, this has been going on for a while now and I'm trying not to worry about it too much but obviously it's bothering me. 

When my boyfriend and I are going to have sex, I have the hardest time getting "ready" down there (I'm a female). I notice that I worry about it, like almost constantly, when we're kissing etc beforehand. I also pay attention to whether or not I'm "into" it, to the point where I can't really enjoy it. I feel like stress/ thinking too much about it is my problem... but I can't help but worry that it just means I'm not attracted to him.

Does anyone else have this problem? Do I just try to relax?

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Hi constantworrier, 

Sorry to hear your struggling right now. Unfortunately I can't offer you any help or advice regarding this because I don't suffer with it, but maybe it could be related to relationship OCD, but I'm unsure?  Hopefully another forum member will be able to advise you regarding this. 

Lost :yes:

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Hey, I think this is pretty normal, if we're obsessing and trying to hard we are anxious and so it's harder to get aroused down there! When I had bad sexual intrusive thoughts, I worried so much about sex that I found it really difficult to want it, enjoy it or see it as a good thing! Even though I'm not suffering with those types of thoughts anymore I still get quite anxious before! It's like a learned response, now I just breathe and relax and plenty of foreplay until I feel ready.xx

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  • Ashley changed the title to Intimacy

I swear, it’s like I just can’t be happy. I was feeling really good today and then I started reading something about adultery and desire. 

Basically, people were saying that they were just not attracted to their partner anymore - they felt no desire to have sex with them. I’m afraid that this is me. 

I certainly felt this way about my ex and now I’m afraid that I feel this way about my current boyfriend. 

Not every time, but sometimes, I’ll avoid having sex with him because I just... don’t want to. He’ll start to kiss me and I’ll just pull away or tell him I don’t want to. I can tell it hurts his feelings and I hate doing that. 

Move never really been the type to initiate sex but now I’m worried that it means something. When we first started dating I would sometimes, but now I don’t. 

I know it’s normal to not always want to rip each other’s clothes off when you’ve been together for a while (we’ve been together about 1 1/2 years), but I’m worried that the whole thing is just doomed. 

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It sounds like you are ruminating alot about this. 

I don't want to step into reassurance territory but you dont have to want sex all the time. 

It doesn't mean you don't love him any less, or want to have an affair. 

Try not to read too much in to this. 

Are u getting help for your OCD X

Edited by Em24
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55 minutes ago, Em24 said:

Have the Dr's offered it x

No, I don’t have insurance so the only way I can get the antidepressant is to go to a low cost facility (US). All they have there are caseworkers who aren’t familiar with OCD and doctors who are better informed,  but aren’t therapists unfortunately. 

A local college does have a program where students can “practice” on the public, but that makes me very nervous. 

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Oh thats awful :(

Have you bought any self hekp books at all? I actually found my CBT therapists weren't that great as they were unfamiliar with OCD. I found self help books a life saver. X

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Hey, I would just try and treat this as ocd as much as possible, at the end of the day why do u think there are so many jokes about lack of sex and marriage lol, if everything else is fine in a relationship, less sex is not an issue but a natural progression in a relationship. It actually means nothing and u need to stop ruminating about it. Slight reassurance there but I think many people don’t talk about these things so nobody really knows what’s normal and what’s not sometimes! X

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