Please help I'm desperate. Relationship. Kids.

[Running Lover]

Been torn apart at the moment. My partner and I have been discussing if we want kids or not. I don't because of my OCD if it wasn't for that I would certainly consider but it makes me so ill I can't even contemplate it. He thinks he wants children  which is making me feel ill as I can't imagine life without him but at the same time I can't have kids. I feel so ill I've been thinking about cutting myself I'm in a terrible state I can't think straight. Please help. 

[HDC]

Do you have relationship OCD which makes you question whether you love him enough to have children or do you not want children because you have OCD? 

[Running Lover]

No because I have OCD. I've been really dreadful for about 3 years and the stress of children would make me much worse. 

[Ashley]

2 hours ago, Running Lover said:

the stress of children would make me much worse. 

Maybe, but how do you know for sure?   Sometimes having children can be the focus for some people.    

Obviously right now you feel you can't have children, but never say never.   Recovery won't happen on its own, we have to make recovery happen. I appreciate life is difficult right now, but there is no reason to think that with the right support and treatment that your perspective won't change. 

[Emsie]

47 minutes ago, Ashley said:

 

2 hours ago, Running Lover said:

the stress of children would make me much worse. 

Maybe, but how do you know for sure?   Sometimes having children can be the focus for some people.    

 

Can I just say that this was me in what you think right now and what Ashley said about sometimes having children can be the focus for some people, a new focus.

I fell pregnant at the height of my OCD and a very long difficult time where I was even signed off work long term. My husband and mother in law worried that I wouldn't be able to cope. 

But it was the making of me and my OCD actually went for the first 18 months of her life. I partly put it down to not having time for its nonsense as its such a steep learning curve having a baby. Now I  know I can't say that this would happen for you and that your OCD would take a long break, but I never thought it could happen for me.

Yes, my OCD is back and I do struggle but my daughter is my world and she is my reason to crack this OCD once and for all! I also know that without her my OCD would be SO much worse as I have to keep going and working hard at it for her. I also don't want to expose her to it, so I have to fake how I'm feeling, which actually really helps me. Distraction and keeping busy is easy with a child. 

As Ashley said, obviously you feel right now that you can't have children, but never say never. I was you once and I told my therapist at the time that I couldn't have children because of my OCD. 

I'm sorry life is difficult right now, and again to echo Ashley, with support and therapy there is no reason to think that your view on this wont change. I know it's how you're feeling right now but have hope and faith.

Best wishes to you,

Em ?

Edited October 1, 2017 by Emsie

[Gary.p]

I to never wanted children because of my OCD, my daughter celebrated her 21st birthday last week.??

as Emsie has said above its the best thing that's ever happened to me, my daughter is so caring and compassionate, she is incredible.

she inspires me to conquer my OCD, and for periods of my life I have achieved this, and will again.

I was 30 when my daughter was born and she changed my life forever!

please don't give up hope.

gary.

[Running Lover]

No I don't want kids because of how ill it makes me feel and it would only be worse. My partner thinks he wants kids so it seems there's no option. I'm devastated he's the love of my life. Not sure how I can live without him. 

[Ashley]

7 minutes ago, Running Lover said:

No I don't want kids because of how ill it makes me feel and it would only be worse.

Ultimately that is your choice and nobody should be dictating what you choose to do with your body, so I am sorry that you feel you have had to make an either/or decision Running Lover.  But, you seemed to have again stated as fact that having children will make your OCD worse, it might, you may be right, but I guess what I and others have tried to suggest is that actually, we or you, don't know that is true for certain, and like others have stated, it actually was a focus for recovery for them. 

Maybe ask your partner for some time and in that time try and make an appointment to see a therapist to make plans for your recovery through treatment, and maybe if your local NHS can't help try and access an OCD specialist at one of the national clinics.