Jump to content

Understand 13 yr old - everyone/everything else is dirty but hes not


Recommended Posts

Just trying to understand....

His personal hygiene is really bad (his fingernails are filthy). His bedroom is a health hazard. Pretty normal for a 13 yr old boy.....

BUT, he goes through apprx 300ml of hand gel a day (whats the point if your nails are filthy?). probably 1/4 bottle of bathroom spray, whenever he uses the bathroom. He soaks the bathroom floor because he refuses to use the shower curtain. He will only walk in certain parts of the kitchen.

Worse of all, he screams at everyone else if he think you havent washed your hands after the bathroom. His little sister is 4 and is pretty good. If she takes one step outside he screams at her and makes her cry. If anyone, even scratches they're leg he freaks that your touching your "bits" (its almost as if you have to walk around with your hands above your head). He wont touch the TV remote or anything else his little sister touches. He gets VERY VERY nasty and aggressive all the time.

I just don't understand how you can be so concerned about other people but not even be close yourself. He doesn't wash his hands all the time (otherwise his nails woudl be clean) its just the hand gel.

He doesnt appear to want to help himself or listen to advice (either from us or his counsellor). Also, he doesnt appreciate consequences (i.e. its not clever to spray bleach everywhere/on yourself, its not nice to make his sister upset, if you get the floor soaking its going to ruin the flooring). In his head its got to be like this regardless.

Link to comment

Hello Paul,

I think trying to understand OCD in general may be helpful for you, to then to be able to understand your son's manifestation.  It's important to remember that when it comes to OCD don't apply the rules of logic, because logic won't come into it.

4 hours ago, paulfoel said:

BUT, he goes through apprx 300ml of hand gel a day (whats the point if your nails are filthy?). probably 1/4 bottle of bathroom spray, whenever he uses the bathroom. He soaks the bathroom floor because he refuses to use the shower curtain. He will only walk in certain parts of the kitchen.

This is all fairly standard for someone with contamination OCD.  The point with the nails is that weirdly, he may well be ok with that because he may be aware where the dirts come from, but when showering it's not that he washes to see himself clean, he washes until he 'feels' clean... the word feel needs underlining 10 times for effect here!    The problem with OCD is that the more you try and 'feel' something, the less certain you become so you have to keep going until you have a 'feeling' of certainty. 

I used to flood my parents bathroom, it wasn't that I was doing it on purpose I just had to be so careful not to touch something that in my OCD mind 'felt' contaminated like a shower curtain or communal towel.

5 hours ago, paulfoel said:

Worse of all, he screams at everyone else if he think you havent washed your hands after the bathroom. His little sister is 4 and is pretty good. If she takes one step outside he screams at her and makes her cry. If anyone, even scratches they're leg he freaks that your touching your "bits" (its almost as if you have to walk around with your hands above your head). He wont touch the TV remote or anything else his little sister touches. He gets VERY VERY nasty and aggressive all the time.

Again this is not unusual for children with OCD.  I guess they often don't know how to explain their frustration verbally when they feel their OCD's been triggered by someone scratching, when that happens it causes this intense anguish you can't see, so to prevent that he perhaps gets frustrated and screams at people so they don't trigger his OCD.   Hopefully as he gets older and can verbalise more, and as he learns to tackle his OCD this will fade.  He may be aware his shouting is upsetting, but his OCD is stronger and will force the screaming.

5 hours ago, paulfoel said:

I just don't understand how you can be so concerned about other people but not even be close yourself.

As I say, forget logic. I used to engage in 2/3 hour shower/bath rituals to feel clean, but the irony is I would be doing it in a soap scummy bathroom because my OCD meant I couldn't touch cleaning products.

5 hours ago, paulfoel said:

He doesnt appear to want to help himself or listen to advice (either from us or his counsellor). 

This is the key to recovery, and where both adults and children sometimes fail, if they don't have a health professional they feel they can relate to then therapy will collapse because patient doesn't feel they communicate with therapist, so doesn't trust therapist and wont open up.   So this may be nobody's fault, but a trying with another therapist may have a fresh approach that sparks change.

Link to comment

Thanks Ashley - great explanation. I must admit we do find it difficult when he does things which have a negative effect on others in the family. Its tough to know when to stop the behaviour and when to give him some slack to be honest.

I hear what you're saying that its all the "illness" not him....

He has got a CAMHS appt lined up now but I do fear that they wont be able to get through to him still...

Link to comment
1 hour ago, paulfoel said:

He has got a CAMHS appt lined up now but I do fear that they wont be able to get through to him still...

This is possible, I won't kid you Paul, because in my experience from talking to other parents on our helpline CAMHS fall into two category's, the woeful and the brilliant.  Hopefully you will have the latter, and a therapist who is patient, kind, funny and if they are all of those things in time (2-3 sessions) it should come through to your son that this is a kind therapist, and with luck he will start to open up.

Something I said to another parent yesterday was to try and get across to her child who was in a bit of denial was try and help her young one understand the quote 'The solution becomes the problem'.... it's a quote from Paul Salkovskis, but it is a really important one to remember, what it means is that the compulsions our OCD makes us think is the solution to keep us safe is actually in the end the problem.  I guess before change can happen for anyone with OCD, we have to understand why we need to change, and I like that quote to help understand the need for change.

Link to comment
22 hours ago, Ashley said:

This is possible, I won't kid you Paul, because in my experience from talking to other parents on our helpline CAMHS fall into two category's, the woeful and the brilliant.  Hopefully you will have the latter, and a therapist who is patient, kind, funny and if they are all of those things in time (2-3 sessions) it should come through to your son that this is a kind therapist, and with luck he will start to open up.

Something I said to another parent yesterday was to try and get across to her child who was in a bit of denial was try and help her young one understand the quote 'The solution becomes the problem'.... it's a quote from Paul Salkovskis, but it is a really important one to remember, what it means is that the compulsions our OCD makes us think is the solution to keep us safe is actually in the end the problem.  I guess before change can happen for anyone with OCD, we have to understand why we need to change, and I like that quote to help understand the need for change.

Thanks Ashley. His appt with CAMHS has come though - but its with the psych nurse.I suppose this is expected due to the under funding of the service.

We visited the GP again recently who said medication is not an option until hes seen by a psychiatrist. I'm assuming that it needs to be escalted further becaus the nurse cant prescribe anyway?

Link to comment

I always thought a GP can prescribe to children, but maybe I am wrong.  Important to understand though that medication is not the magic pill that people expect it to be, you may see some positive calming down or you may see no changes at all. 

Link to comment

Just thought I'd jump in here to confirm that it is true that GPs are advised not to prescribe SSRIs to children under 16 as an initial treatment without any therapy taking place also, and the current guidelines are for them to make a referral to CAMHS in order for them to be prescribed by a psychiatrist. This is because of the higher risk of adverse reactions in children and teenagers (i.e. suicidality) compared to adults, so because of that they should be closely monitored by psychiatry (CAMHS) when on antidepressants.

(I'm training to be a paediatric nurse and we've just had an intensive module on pharmacology and drugs)

Link to comment
On 07/10/2017 at 22:44, Lynz said:

Just thought I'd jump in here to confirm that it is true that GPs are advised not to prescribe SSRIs to children under 16 as an initial treatment without any therapy taking place also, and the current guidelines are for them to make a referral to CAMHS in order for them to be prescribed by a psychiatrist. This is because of the higher risk of adverse reactions in children and teenagers (i.e. suicidality) compared to adults, so because of that they should be closely monitored by psychiatry (CAMHS) when on antidepressants.

(I'm training to be a paediatric nurse and we've just had an intensive module on pharmacology and drugs)

Thanks lynz for the explanation.

Seems sensible if only it was possible to get a CAMHS referral in an appropriate amount of time. I can see where they're coming from with this but, to, in effect, do nothing for months and months is scandalous to be honest.

I've looked for private child psych and to be honest I was surprised. I assumed I could call local BUPA, make an appointment, £200 (which is what I paid recently for a consultant for my nect problems). Nope.

Very hard to even find a specialist (in my area anyway). I found one - £900 !!!!! Found another - 2 months wait list. Best option at the moment is an online one. Not ideal and you would have thought it'd be a bit cheaper with no office overheads etc. £150 for 30 mins appt with parents, then £300 for normal appt. Not cheap.

Link to comment
On 04/10/2017 at 10:50, Ashley said:

This is possible, I won't kid you Paul, because in my experience from talking to other parents on our helpline CAMHS fall into two category's, the woeful and the brilliant.  Hopefully you will have the latter, and a therapist who is patient, kind, funny and if they are all of those things in time (2-3 sessions) it should come through to your son that this is a kind therapist, and with luck he will start to open up.

Something I said to another parent yesterday was to try and get across to her child who was in a bit of denial was try and help her young one understand the quote 'The solution becomes the problem'.... it's a quote from Paul Salkovskis, but it is a really important one to remember, what it means is that the compulsions our OCD makes us think is the solution to keep us safe is actually in the end the problem.  I guess before change can happen for anyone with OCD, we have to understand why we need to change, and I like that quote to help understand the need for change.

Yes previous experience shows the NHS is littered with this sort of thing.

As the old saying goes "What do call a doctor who was bottom of his class at medical school?". Answer - "Doctor".

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...