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Believe in yourself.......


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Thank you for your clarity Snowbear. 

When we post onto the Internet forums, interpretations will be individual. 

I recall times it was suggested I had written a topic particularly targeting a fellow sufferer in some malicious or underhand way. 

Well I have certainly written topics aimed at helping certain types of sufferers who I deem would benefit , but I don't do malice. 

And I reckon of the vast numbers of topics I have written, the fingers of one hand are all I would need to count anything that was deemed in any way not right. 

So as snowbear says lost, carry on writing from the heart with the intent to gently, kindly, help and encourage others. 

Don't go over and over things before posting - that's compulsive behaviour.

Treat it like casting your eyes over the kitchen before turning the lights out - a simple check - in this case just ensuring you met your target intent, and with care and consideration. 

Then submit :)

The good thing is that others, plus our excellent moderating team, will step in if something is skewed thinking, and gently put it right. 

 

Edited by taurean
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I really don't want to discourage lostintime or anyone from posting. Like I said the original post will be helpul to some people, positivity is a good thing and I just shouldn't have responded to this particular thread.

At no time did I think it had malicious intent.

Edited by Mike_Check
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Well done for saying that Mike :thumbup: 

You felt a negative reaction to it and that's understood, given you have been struggling - but I think you applied the cognitive distortion of mind-reading - thinking, and saying, that lots of others would do too. 

I don't think they have, they would have said so. 

It's been a useful discussion. And we are here to help you with those areas of your  own OCD where you may be struggling. Just post a topic and be brave to open up, and we may well be able to help you over any hurdles. 

Best wishes 

Roy 

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Thanks for that.

In regards to lostintime being unhappy about the possibility some people may not find her advice helpful; no advice applies to everyone, if you help some people that means it was worth posting.

I just need to be less confrontational and pick and choose which threads I respond to.

 

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21 minutes ago, Mike_Check said:

 I just shouldn't have responded to this particular thread.

Of course you should reply! Nothing wrong with everybody having their own opinion. It all adds to the discussion.  :) 

And you made a valid point which shows there are many ways of tackling OCD, it's not a case of one-size-fits-all. By sharing ideas we give people options and they can work with whichever ideas suit them best. :) 

Quote

no advice applies to everyone, if you help some people that means it was worth posting.

Exactly. And you too helped someone by adding your reaction and thoughts. It's all good peeps. Let's not beat ourselves up over having spoken our minds. :) 

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Viewing the exchange on this thread made me think of a story, Lost and I want to share it with you.

Long Long time ago, somewhere in a remote village in The Near East, there once lived a farmer. It was time for him to make the trip to the market to trade. He took his young son along because he knew the boy liked to visit and see all the different sights and sounds at the market. They loaded their wares on their donkey and set off. Not wanting to tire the boy for the long journey ahead. He sat the boy on the donkey's back.

Making their way to the market, they would pass by travellers and traders alike from different parts of the land. Occasionally, they would exchange greetings and words of safe journey. The farmer had overheard remarks from a group of travellers after exchanging pleasantries, "Look, that boy is so unfilial, he made his father walk while he rests on the donkey's back.' The farmer not wanting other people to think of his son as an unfilial child, brought the boy down and sat himself on the donkey's back.

Not long after, they met another group of travellers, who told the farmer, "Hey, you are a grown man with hair that has yet to turn white, why are you letting a young boy tire himself out while you rest on the donkey's back." Feeling ashamed of himself and also not wanting the young boy to be seen as unfilial, the farmer then told the boy to hop on the donkey's back and they proceeded along the journey, father and son on the donkey's back.

Three quarters of the way towards the market while the sky was starting to brightened, they met an old man who took pity on the donkey after seeing it laden with wares and two people on its back, he told the farmer, "This donkey may be a beast of burden, but I am quite sure this poor animal has over the years helped you to lift heavy loads and travel long distances so that you can put food on the table and have silver in your pocket, asking only for some hay and water in return and the mercy of not being slaughtered when its legs and back can no longer carry your heavy loads, the day it becomes old like me." The farmer feeling so sorry for the donkey, told his son, they would both complete the rest of the journey on foot.

Finally as they were nearing the market, they met a trader leaving the market after a busy session of haggling. The trader being in a generous mood after making a tidy profit, offered the farmer and his boy some food, sweets and water and asked the farmer where he was from. After the usual pleasantries and gratitude from the farmer, they parted company. The farmer then overheard the trader remarked while they headed in opposite directions, "What silly villagers these people are, not wanting to ride their donkey while coming from so far away!" 

So basically, the moral of the story is that, there would always be a different opinion to what you say and do, Lost. So don't worry about your postings, for you have done your due diligence and your intentions are always good. Like what the title of this post states "Believe in yourself", Lost. Don't be too worried about your grammar and I agree with Roy, compulsive checking of your posts is well... a "compulsion". I too, often make spelling and grammatical mistakes because of my poor eyesight and I don't even bother to fill in the reason in the little box underneath the posting dialogue box, because I find it bothersome. As long as my message is brought across, I am happy. I let go of minor imperfections. Remember what I told you about training my mindfulness in letting go, this is another example on how I strengthen my ability to let go. With each mindful change in my behaviour, I am becoming better at letting go and becoming a more forgiving person especially towards myself.

I use the Buddhist and holistic approach in the way I deal with OCD and life in general. I was able to use the love and compassion I developed from my Metta (Loving-Kindness Buddhist) meditation to finally once and for all forgive myself and let go of all my OCD-induced guilt completely. Of course I am not advocating anything, just sharing my own personal experiences and what worked for me. This is the wonderful thing about this forum where people with different experiences come together to share ideas and tips in combating this dreaded condition.

So take care, stay happy and always, always, be kind and nice to yourself, Lost.

- (St) Mike

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15 hours ago, snowbear said:

I don't think you need to be more cautious about posting, Lostinme. :no: Your confidence has begun to grow because you've been posting more recently. The more you post the more confident you'll feel. But if you worry about things being taken the wrong way and start checking everything you'll post less as a result and it will be a huge step backwards for you. 

I know this to be true because I've been there. In 12 years on the forum I've never once posted anything intentionally hurtful, judgemental or critical , yet I've lost count of the number of people who've taken offence at something I said because they misinterpreted my meaning. Even now every time it happens I have a wobble, doubt myself, question my ability to communicate, wonder if I should back away from the forum and stop trying to help people. Every single time! 

But I've learned that this is my OCD side telling me I'm not good enough. And I've learned that I must fight that instinct to turn tail and run, or to double check and obsess over getting it right. I've also learned that however carefully you word things, however much time you waste trying not to be misunderstood it will still happen from time to time. 

We can't control how other people interpret what we say, so it's pointless trying to. 

When upsets happen, mostly it's nothing to do with what you said or how you said it and everything to do with where they are at in their own head and how they view their world. 

So sure, putting a little thought into how we word things before posting is sensible :) but being overly concerned and self-critical about it is not good. :no: 

Keep posting, keep sharing from your heart. And if from time to time somebody gets the wrong end of the stick, or takes offence, or says it's too over-simplified - well, it's a discussion forum after all. :a1_cheesygrin:  We simply reply, discuss it and explain further/better/more fully. NO BIG DEAL! 

ps. Your grammar is excellent. Stop telling yourself it's a problem! :) 

Thank you snow, for your kind support as always :)

My post are always sincere with only my best interests at heart. I didn't take offence at Mikes comment at all, I appreciate that every one is entitled to there own opinion and I totally respect this. I think it just touched a raw nerve regarding my own insecurities regarding my grammar. 

I do lack confidence posting as much as I'd like to because of this reason. I'm not sure If my re reading as become a compulsion or just a checking issue to try make sure I havnt made any errors or I've worded it correctly? 

I won't let it put me off posting, I will just be a little more cautious in future how I phrase things :) I don't like to upset anyone, but I'm afraid sometimes it can't be helped :(

 

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14 hours ago, taurean said:

Thank you for your clarity Snowbear. 

When we post onto the Internet forums, interpretations will be individual. 

I recall times it was suggested I had written a topic particularly targeting a fellow sufferer in some malicious or underhand way. 

Well I have certainly written topics aimed at helping certain types of sufferers who I deem would benefit , but I don't do malice. 

And I reckon of the vast numbers of topics I have written, the fingers of one hand are all I would need to count anything that was deemed in any way not right. 

So as snowbear says lost, carry on writing from the heart with the intent to gently, kindly, help and encourage others. 

Don't go over and over things before posting - that's compulsive behaviour.

Treat it like casting your eyes over the kitchen before turning the lights out - a simple check - in this case just ensuring you met your target intent, and with care and consideration. 

Then submit :)

The good thing is that others, plus our excellent moderating team, will step in if something is skewed thinking, and gently put it right. 

 

Thank you Roy, for your kind words of support :yes:

I will try to take on board what you've said, I do realise that what I'm doing is may be becoming a compulsion, I will work on this too :yes:

I think may be it hit a raw nerve about my own insecurities regarding my grammar and I became a little over sensitive towards it :(

I will continue posting, but maybe in future I will be more careful about the words I chose :)

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12 hours ago, Mike_Check said:

I really don't want to discourage lostintime or anyone from posting. Like I said the original post will be helpul to some people, positivity is a good thing and I just shouldn't have responded to this particular thread.

At no time did I think it had malicious intent.

Mike, please stop apologising, you have done no wrong only stated your opinion which you are entitled too. I have no problem with this what so ever. The problem lies within my own insecurities not yours, so please don't take my problem on as yours :) When a thread is posted, it's open for discussion, both negative and positive and I'm afraid at times it will encounter differences of opinion :) but it doesn't  necessarily mean one is right or the other is wrong :) 

12 hours ago, Mike_Check said:

Thanks for that.

In regards to lostintime being unhappy about the possibility some people may not find her advice helpful; no advice applies to everyone, if you help some people that means it was worth posting.

I just need to be less confrontational and pick and choose which threads I respond to.

 

Not at all Mike, your entitled to post same as the next person and every one is entitled to an opinion. Not everyone's opinion will be the same as the next persons and that's what makes it a discussion. 

Let's not beat ourselves up over something of nothing. It's all good ? We are all sufferers together just trying to help each other :)

 Best wishes, lost. 

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3 hours ago, St Mike said:

Viewing the exchange on this thread made me think of a story, Lost and I want to share it with you.

Long Long time ago, somewhere in a remote village in The Near East, there once lived a farmer. It was time for him to make the trip to the market to trade. He took his young son along because he knew the boy liked to visit and see all the different sights and sounds at the market. They loaded their wares on their donkey and set off. Not wanting to tire the boy for the long journey ahead. He sat the boy on the donkey's back.

Making their way to the market, they would pass by travellers and traders alike from different parts of the land. Occasionally, they would exchange greetings and words of safe journey. The farmer had overheard remarks from a group of travellers after exchanging pleasantries, "Look, that boy is so unfilial, he made his father walk while he rests on the donkey's back.' The farmer not wanting other people to think of his son as an unfilial child, brought the boy down and sat himself on the donkey's back.

Not long after, they met another group of travellers, who told the farmer, "Hey, you are a grown man with hair that has yet to turn white, why are you letting a young boy tire himself out while you rest on the donkey's back." Feeling ashamed of himself and also not wanting the young boy to be seen as unfilial, the farmer then told the boy to hop on the donkey's back and they proceeded along the journey, father and son on the donkey's back.

Three quarters of the way towards the market while the sky was starting to brightened, they met an old man who took pity on the donkey after seeing it laden with wares and two people on its back, he told the farmer, "This donkey may be a beast of burden, but I am quite sure this poor animal has over the years helped you to lift heavy loads and travel long distances so that you can put food on the table and have silver in your pocket, asking only for some hay and water in return and the mercy of not being slaughtered when its legs and back can no longer carry your heavy loads, the day it becomes old like me." The farmer feeling so sorry for the donkey, told his son, they would both complete the rest of the journey on foot.

Finally as they were nearing the market, they met a trader leaving the market after a busy session of haggling. The trader being in a generous mood after making a tidy profit, offered the farmer and his boy some food, sweets and water and asked the farmer where he was from. After the usual pleasantries and gratitude from the farmer, they parted company. The farmer then overheard the trader remarked while they headed in opposite directions, "What silly villagers these people are, not wanting to ride their donkey while coming from so far away!" 

So basically, the moral of the story is that, there would always be a different opinion to what you say and do, Lost. So don't worry about your postings, for you have done your due diligence and your intentions are always good. Like what the title of this post states "Believe in yourself", Lost. Don't be too worried about your grammar and I agree with Roy, compulsive checking of your posts is well... a "compulsion". I too, often make spelling and grammatical mistakes because of my poor eyesight and I don't even bother to fill in the reason in the little box underneath the posting dialogue box, because I find it bothersome. As long as my message is brought across, I am happy. I let go of minor imperfections. Remember what I told you about training my mindfulness in letting go, this is another example on how I strengthen my ability to let go. With each mindful change in my behaviour, I am becoming better at letting go and becoming a more forgiving person especially towards myself.

I use the Buddhist and holistic approach in the way I deal with OCD and life in general. I was able to use the love and compassion I developed from my Metta (Loving-Kindness Buddhist) meditation to finally once and for all forgive myself and let go of all my OCD-induced guilt completely. Of course I am not advocating anything, just sharing my own personal experiences and what worked for me. This is the wonderful thing about this forum where people with different experiences come together to share ideas and tips in combating this dreaded condition.

So take care, stay happy and always, always, be kind and nice to yourself, Lost.

- (St) Mike

I love your short stories St Mike,  it's amazing how we can interpret the content to correspond to different events and thinking . I find the ones you've posted really useful in the way we can interpret things into different thoughts surrounding them. 

Your post are always really helpful to me and I find them inspiring to read and what helped you to become an ex sufferer. Its great you share your short stories with us, which gives the inspiration we need :yes:

Thank you again, take care, best wishes, 

lost:)

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Hello lost,

Please don't put yourself down, your grammar seems fine to me and also the content of what you say. I too am a bit reluctant to post often out of worrying about saying the right thing and being articulate enough to get my point across.

St Mike summed this up perfectly with his story, plus ultimately we are on here to help and encourage each other in our 'battle' with Ocd. 

I value the time regulars take to post on these forums I have learned alot from just reading these boards it's what makes them so good.

So keep posting is my advice. Hope your keeping well today.

Avo

 

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1 hour ago, Avo said:

Hello lost,

Please don't put yourself down, your grammar seems fine to me and also the content of what you say. I too am a bit reluctant to post often out of worrying about saying the right thing and being articulate enough to get my point across.

St Mike summed this up perfectly with his story, plus ultimately we are on here to help and encourage each other in our 'battle' with Ocd. 

I value the time regulars take to post on these forums I have learned alot from just reading these boards it's what makes them so good.

So keep posting is my advice. Hope your keeping well today.

Avo

 

Thank you Avo for your kind advice and support and encouraging me to keep posting :yes: I need to work on becoming more confident when I'm posting I think ? 

Unfortunately it's a bad day for me, tummy issues that flare up now and again. Which inevitably makes my OCD worse :(

But I'm using the tools I've picked up along the way and I just have to wait for the storm to pass. The positive side is even though it isn't pleasant when it happens, its a good learning process when we do have a setback because it teaches us how we can overcome it :yes:

Hope your keeping well, best wishes

lost. 

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Hi lost,

Sorry to hear about your tummy issues, I have been struggling with some kind of virus for the last couple of weeks, can't seem to quite shake it off, I do a physical job so maybe I am not getting quite enough rest.  

Glad you have a good perspective on a set back, it will pass and can be used as a teaching tool for the future. I am doing OK on my cbt hierarchy I think I am at last getting a proper understanding of the disorder and how to tackle it.

All the best, 

Avo

 

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Hi Avo, yes we should always remember to get enough rest when we are feeling under the weather, it's at these times our body regenerates itself to fight off infections :yes:

5 hours ago, Avo said:

Hi lost,

Sorry to hear about your tummy issues, I have been struggling with some kind of virus for the last couple of weeks, can't seem to quite shake it off, I do a physical job so maybe I am not getting quite enough rest.  

Glad you have a good perspective on a set back, it will pass and can be used as a teaching tool for the future. I am doing OK on my cbt hierarchy I think I am at last getting a proper understanding of the disorder and how to tackle it.

All the best, 

Avo

 

Thats good ? I'm glad you are doing well with your cbt and understanding and learning more on ways you can tackle it. Remember any setbacks you encounter along your way is like a storm, it doesn't last forever and it will pass, this has helped me immensely :yes:

All the best, 

lost :)

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On 07/10/2017 at 01:06, Mike_Check said:

I really don't want to discourage lostintime or anyone from posting. Like I said the original post will be helpul to some people, positivity is a good thing and I just shouldn't have responded to this particular thread.

At no time did I think it had malicious intent.

Hi Mike, I really feel the need to say this! 

Firstly we are all sufferers here and we are all entitled to post on any thread and to our own personal opinion. Forgive me if I'm wrong for saying this, but I think I'm right in saying that we can all be quite sensitive to misunderstandings. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions and at times there will be difference of opinion, this however doesn't make either one right or the other wrong. I think both negative and positive criticism both can both be really helpful. 

Im not going to lie to you, your post did touch a raw nerve for me surrounding my own insecurities regarding my grammar, but these are my own insecurities. More importantly what upset me the most, was thinking that I may have caused a fellow sufferer upset and may be made them feel worse and that was the last thing I wanted to do.

My worry is that I don't want you avoiding posting or coming on the forum, because it probably upset you too and I know how sensitive we all can be, Ive been there myself. 

I just needed to let you know, just in case this has caused you any upset that there is no bad feelings on my behalf and it's totally behind us. 

Sending my very best wishes, lost :)

 

 

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I just felt a little bit guilty for being so negative that's all. Don't worry about it, on the scale of the emotions I feel everyday it was pretty tiny.

When your discussing things people are going to have opinions, your not responsible if someone overreacts to something you write. And if by accident someone is a little annoyed (or upset or whatever) from something you write it's not a big deal for them or you, it's a small part of the day.

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