Sometimes, it’s just nice to talk

[Purplepiper7]

Hello everyone. It’s been a while. Overall, I’ve been doing really well, but I’ve been struggling for the past few days. Long story short, I was on a band trip. I was really tired, someone was getting on my nerves (through no fault of their own; I was just irritable due to my tiredness), so I handled the situation in the worst way possible – through snide, derisive remarks about this person’s intellect. So yeah, I was wrong. I got some sleep, I came to my senses, I apologized, multiple times. Good and done, right? No, wrong. It’s been nearly a week since the incident and I can hardly think about anything else before returning to it. I know I’m not blameless here; the things I said were unnecessary and unkind, and I shouldn’t ever treat anyone like that. But I don’t have a time machine. I can’t go back to that day and change anything that happened. I’ve done all that I can. Mind you, this person is completely over it; not only have they forgiven my rudeness, but they speak to me as if I never even spoke a word. Still, the question remains: why can’t I get over it too?

On one hand, I’m completely aware that I’m being absolutely ridiculous. I’m not perfect. I am allowed to make mistakes. I am expected to make mistakes. I should be free to make mistakes without being punished to this extent. On the other hand, I feel so incredibly guilty about how I spoke to this person. Part of me feels like I deserve to feel this way, that if I don’t want to suffer, then I should try harder to be a better person. I suppose there’s nothing wrong with trying to better oneself, but I’ve been down this road before, and if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that nothing is ever good enough. No matter what I do, I’m always the worst person alive.

When I really sit and think about what’s happening here, I get a little annoyed. I was perfectly fine. It’s the little things that get you. They pull you in and don’t let go. Such is life, I guess.

[Mike_Check]

I know how you feel, I was rude to someone at work a couple of days and haven't seen them since (so I can be nice and "erase" any possible hurt feelings) and it's very frustrating, and a fare bit of guilt.

I think part of dealing with it is realising in most cases we are just a small part of people's lives and not only are not effected much by little things we say but they don't want us to beat ourselves up (considering the fact we are genuinely sorry.)