lily17 Posted October 18, 2017 Share Posted October 18, 2017 I’m deeply sorry to be posting about the same thing again, I just can’t get it out of my mind. I can’t believe what I did... Yesterday morning, I was laying on the sofa as I had to sleep there and my sister sits next to me and I’m afraid to touch her so I intend to do so but with what intentions? She pushes my hand away and I pulled a smirk because she was also half sleep and doesn’t like being annoyed so early in the morning. Then I continue to be laying down, I had a groinal response I believe, I either ignored it and relaxed or relaxed due to the groinal response. What’s the truth? I don’t know anything and OCD is being really convincing this time. If it’s OCD... I’m thinking that I tried to touch her shoulder with bad intentions and as I’m afraid to even touch her, I didn’t but still... I don’t know if I was just fooling around to annoy her and just that as I was half asleep but I had a reaction from her touching my hand and I don't know if I enjoyed it or just let it go. I don’t know anything and I’m feeling so low as if I just need a release from all of this and the only option I see is suicide because I’m a terrible person and I can see myself behaving like that and I don’t know if OCD can be this convincing but why do I see myself able to do that? It just breaks my heart. She’s my little sister. I can’t do this anymore... Link to comment
lily17 Posted October 18, 2017 Author Share Posted October 18, 2017 (edited) If I liked the groinal response then it is a clear evidence. I really think I was looking for it. I think I wanted to get aroused when I was even half asleep!??!?? Wtf I’m so disgusting I shojld kill myself right away. Edited October 18, 2017 by lily17 Link to comment
lily17 Posted October 18, 2017 Author Share Posted October 18, 2017 (edited) Please what do you all think be honest. How is it possible that I’m afraid to touch my sister but was apparently going to touch her shoulder with those intentions but I didn’t touch her cause I’m afraid to touch her and get sexual pleasure from it and I think I did when she touched my hand oh my god Edited October 18, 2017 by lily17 Link to comment
lily17 Posted October 18, 2017 Author Share Posted October 18, 2017 I can’t do this anymore, my mum tries to help but sometimes she makes the situation worse because she doesn’t have OCD and can’t fully understand Link to comment
lily17 Posted October 18, 2017 Author Share Posted October 18, 2017 (edited) I’m so scared I’m using OCD as a cover for my pedophilic actions. I’m literally terrified. What if am I? Wait, am I??????? No one has replied to my latest post and that makes me think you all think I’m actually a pedophile. Oh god. I should delete my account. Well, I should just kill myself. Edited October 18, 2017 by lily17 Link to comment
Oceanblue Posted October 18, 2017 Share Posted October 18, 2017 Oh Lily..its the very fact that these thoughts cause you so much distress and disgust that proves that you are a good person who is struggling with OCD. I know it can be very convincing but please do not believe it's lies. Get help to deal with the OCD and refuse to get into mind debates with it. I find this so hard myself but I know the end result will be worth it. I know you are going through so much pain right now but please know that this is just the OCD making you doubt everything. You deserve to recover from this and get your life back so please do not let it win. You can do this! Link to comment
lily17 Posted October 18, 2017 Author Share Posted October 18, 2017 (edited) 13 minutes ago, Oceanblue said: Oh Lily..its the very fact that these thoughts cause you so much distress and disgust that proves that you are a good person who is struggling with OCD. I know it can be very convincing but please do not believe it's lies. Get help to deal with the OCD and refuse to get into mind debates with it. I find this so hard myself but I know the end result will be worth it. I know you are going through so much pain right now but please know that this is just the OCD making you doubt everything. You deserve to recover from this and get your life back so please do not let it win. You can do this! Thank you so much Oceanblue, you’re right I’m going through so much pain but I shall not let the OCD win. Your words have cheered me up thank you really Edited October 18, 2017 by lily17 Link to comment
MissSparrow07 Posted October 18, 2017 Share Posted October 18, 2017 Lily, I agree with OceanBlue. The fact that these thoughts are consuming you AND you are distressed/feel guilt surrounding them seems to suggest that OCD is at play. If you did have these tendencies you most likely wouldn't be worrying about them like this As I said in previous posts, I suffered terribly with these thoughts too. But with the help of this forum, an understanding doctor and medication, I can cope with my OCD now. Remember OCD is an illness, just like a cold. I hope you feel better soon! Link to comment
lily17 Posted October 18, 2017 Author Share Posted October 18, 2017 24 minutes ago, MissSparrow07 said: Lily, I agree with OceanBlue. The fact that these thoughts are consuming you AND you are distressed/feel guilt surrounding them seems to suggest that OCD is at play. If you did have these tendencies you most likely wouldn't be worrying about them like this As I said in previous posts, I suffered terribly with these thoughts too. But with the help of this forum, an understanding doctor and medication, I can cope with my OCD now. Remember OCD is an illness, just like a cold. I hope you feel better soon! It really feels like I do have these tendencies and have been suppressing it or something. Like sometimes it feels like I’m in denial because the attraction can feel SO real at times it’s so worrying. I guess youre right, it’s all OCD. I have to believe that’s what it is. Thank you so much Link to comment
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