Why do I feel the need to tell people everything

[Chels]

So as soon as I start speaking to a new guy I always find myself telling them things it's like verbal diarrhoea. Like about my past relationships, how many people Iv slept with that I slept with my exes friend to get him back for something or things like that and as much as all of my friends warn me not to do it I find myself doing it then afterwards the worrying goes away for a short while but then I think why have I done that!? And I literally can't stop myself it's like there's someone doing it for me... I don't know how to stop convulsions ?. I'm putting them off before it's even begun and I know it's nothing to do with them BUT what my mine says is you need to tell them your worst parts because what if they find out and then they end it with you when your in too deep!? I try and try and I don't know what else to do... is it normal to tell them everything? I just don't know when to stop and I am ruining everything ?

[Symps07]

It sounds to me as though your 'confessions' are a type of reassurance seeking.

 

 

 

 

[Chels]

Maybe so... I'm not sure. I just don't know how I can I stop thinking about the bad things that Iv done or am I just thinking there that bad I don't know if it's OCD or not  

[paradoxer]

It's a kind of OCD Moral Scrupulosity - confessing is merely a ritual/compulsion to feel right. The problem like any other compulsion with OCD it'll never be enough.

On a behavioral note not confessing is the aim - if you really have to (you shouldn't) - why not try at least to delay it. You might find that the next day week, whatever, the urge will have diminished or gone. You're also exercising some control over the disorder. 

On a cognitive note - why not try to keep in mind that there's no rule/law that demands that you tell everyone every detail about your life. And why should you be so special? Other people don't feel the need to confess everything. In addition why do you have to be so pure - so saint-like. Everyone is a 'bad' person anyway, it's being human.  

[paradoxer]

On 10/23/2017 at 13:56, Chels said:

Maybe so... I'm not sure. I just don't know how I can I stop thinking about the bad things that Iv done or am I just thinking there that bad I don't know if it's OCD or not  

I'd say, there's your answer. 

[Chels]

Thank you so much for taking time to reply to my post. I'm just so down at the moment I feel like my head is JUST above water I just feel like there's no one else like me all of my friends think I'm stupid and weird I just don't know where to turn I'm actually embarrassed and ashamed to talk about it or reach out for help. I just keep adding bits to my thoughts I try not to keep giving the thought attention but im finding it extremely hard! My ex told me we had sex sometime years ago and because I can't remember having sex (I do remember seeing him and everything else he mentioned) and it's making me think WHAT IF Iv had sex with someone at a house party before and can't remember? Everything is just too much at the moment I don't know what to do or how to open up to anyone other than people on here who don't/won't judge me 

[PolarBear]

What you should think about is that your thinking, in general, is not right. It's disordered. Something is amiss. You concentrate on bizarre things and you get stuck thinking about the same things over and over again. That's evidence that something is wrong and you have every right to try and fix it. That means finding a therapist who deals with this sort of thing so he/she can help you put order to your disordered thoughts. Doesn't that make sense?

[Chels]

Yes it does but tbh nobody seems to understand and I feel id probably have to go further afield to find a councillor that knows what is wrong with me and can help... I just keep worrying constantly. Now iv just saw this boy I used to be going out with in school we didn't have sex but we did do foreplay and he is a drug addict now and is homeless and it's scared me thinking am I a horrible person for having that in my past like that  

[Lisa davis]

Hi Chels, sorry you are feeling down at the moment, this disorder has a lot to answer for.

Everyone of us has a past, and that's exactly what it is-the past. You need to try and focus on the here and now and the future not what has gone by. We can't change the past, if we have made mistakes then the best we can do is learn from them and learn to forgive ourselves so that we can move forward, you deserve that.

The guy you mention has no relevance to you, he is his own person and that should not impact you. 

I hope you can find the strength to reach out and seek the help, be safe in the knowledge that you are not alone in this, we are here to help support you. Stay strong, Lisa x

 

 

Edited October 31, 2017 by Lisa davis