Dealing with the nervousness

[Cub]

Hi everyone

Writing in late as having some trouble settling down for the night. One thing to tell you - got some good news today in that I've found a new job! It means moving again and I'm a bit nervous about going back out into the world and dealing with the anxiety that I can't seem to shake. I've felt safer at home and obviously OCD is jumping on the issue as well, trying to ruin this for me.

The other thing on my mind that I'm still struggling with is frequent urination; I can't relax enough at night to doze off and have to keep going to the bathroom. It feels linked to my OCD and anxiety. Basically, I always get triggered by the urge to go when I'm doing something I feel I shouldn't be; when I'm trying to read certain stories that I used to enjoy, pertaining to my love of fanfiction. I now feel that I'm not allowed to read them and in a way I try too hard to read them just to prove that I still can. But my eyes can't quite focus on the page and I kind of lose my relaxation; I can't read it normally. Everything in my head feels a bit displaced, although I've made massive improvements. I guess I just want all my passions in place - I don't want to feel this way. I just want to feel like myself again and to  enjoy everything I used to love. I realise ruminating's not going to get me anywhere, so I'm doing that a lot less. I just want to feel safe with all my interests because right now, I feel something is barred off and I feel a little ill at ease.

A strange, random post, I realise! I hope you guys won't think I'm odd. Thanks for reading.

Night night,

C x

[taurean]

I think you need to be realistic cub. 

Don't listen to, or give meaning to, the OCD. Yes, it's playing up because of the job and the need to move - but refocus away when it does this, don't fight it, leave it. 

I would wait a bit till you feel stronger to read your fanfiction (whatever that is). Because right now this seems to have become a tug-of-war, neutralising, action and it's seemingly making things worse right now. 

The over-urinating - can't help there. Probably a nervous thing, but a medical matter to check it out, make sure nothing else amiss. 

Now is a time to realise the strides you have made, focus on that not the OCD.

 

 

[Cub]

Thankyou for that Taurean; neautralising is something I'm trying to do too much. Oooh, dear... 

I'm a bit nervous today as I'm making arrangements to move across to the new place of work, looking for accommodation and somesuch. It's a bit nervewrecking; I'm wondering if I deserve it, all these wonderful things happening to me and I'm scared my OCD's going to kick in and I'll lose my focus. Yikes... Still. We all have our issues and it's okay to feel nervous, I guess. I think I just need to take it one step at a time. My dad's being very supportive and I'm researching the area to see what's what. Plus, we're having spaghetti bolognaise for dinner tonight!  

I think part of the reason I'm so nervous is because I have more time to prepare; the last time I was given a job, I just had two days to pack a bag, book a hotel room and run clear across the country. This time, I have more time to think and plan and I find business helps.

I hope everything will be okay. I'm going to the doctor this afternoon to ask about the urination. I feel a bit silly, making a fuss about the small stuff but then I always do. The only loser in the worrying is going to be me, in the end and I don't want to put so much pressure on myself. Thankyou for reminding me not to do that. 

C x

 

[taurean]

Remember the saying cub "don't sweat the small stuff". 

And also stop connecting, keep refocusing. No need to overthink and ruminate, seek to be mindful - just in the present, in the moment. 

Try and seek out, and only dwell on, the positives re the job and the move. OCD will find the negatives, but you don't have to listen to it

In the words of my very good friend lostinme, "you can do this cub"  

 

Edited October 24, 2017 by taurean

[Cub]

Thanks, Taurean.