OCD and Grief..

[Zazoo]

I recently have had to deal with the loss of my mother after a short battle with cancer.  Over the last few months I've attended every appointment with her and helped in every way possible while dealing with my own OCD issues to which she was my rock.  Now that she's gone I'm having to deal with a combination of bad grief and a resurgent (P)OCD that had calmed down despite everything going on (a switch to Effexor in August also helped a lot).  Its making things complicated as I'm having to spend a lot of time with family and especially my sisters three kids (all under the age of 10) and the ugly thoughts are returning badly (including the fears, groinal responses, what-ifs).  I'm trying to apply the techniques I've learned but its been a mixed bag plus I haven't had the time to see a psychiatrist/councilor in a couple of months.   

If anyone has any advice I'd greatly appreciate it.  Thank you. 

Edited October 26, 2017 by Zazoo

[taurean]

You have a lot to deal with here Zazoo. 

We have been through the grief process recently with my mother-in-law. 

My wife was her power-of-attorney for many years, with lots of travelling and staying away - with she sharing caring with her brother. 

When their Mum passed away, there was intense activity for a while sorting out her affairs, but grief struck for my wife after then, when there was a vacuum. 

So we have kept her beneficially busy with fulfilling our plans to renovate our own house, which had had to be put on hold. 

It's important to try and keep busy, but cut down stress wherever possible. 

Accepting the situation, not fighting it or getting angry is good. 

Also, let the grief come on - grieving is a natural response and we all need the release of it: it will take its course, then ease away. 

OCD will home in when we are in a weakened state. But we don't have to connect with it - if we do so it will strengthen, get worse. 

Being around the children will be a challenge, but you can switch the emphasis from suffering to the positive of treating it as necessary exposure and response prevention. 

Going into exposure, remind yourself of the cognitive side of OCD that you know - how, like it does with my harm OCD,  our true core values such as love care sexual attractions and preference get turned on their heads - suggesting different - and our brain brings forth erroneous emotional and physical thoughts and feelings in keeping with the intrusions. 

But remember it's OCD, lies falsehoods exaggerations, deliberate reversals of true values. 

Seen "uncloaked"  in this way, you don't need to believe what the normal channels in your brain are screaming at you ; it's OCD, it's not real though it seems so. 

Then you can go comforted into the exposure. 

It's a tough time for you, but you can come through it. 

You can do this Zazoo 

Roy

 

Edited October 26, 2017 by taurean

[Cub]

Hi Zazoo

Taurean has given a lot of good advice but I just wanted to say I know how you feel; I lost my Mum to cancer nearly three years ago and the grief was a horrible thing. I'm so very sorry for your loss.

The key thing you need to do now is be good to yourself; you need to take time for you to come to terms with the grief. Have something sweet and curl up under a blanket if you need. The good news is that you will get through it. You've been through an emotionally draining time and of course OCD is going to come in; that's just par of the course but all you need to do is tell yourself it's OCD and treat yourself gently. My Mum was my best friend and we used to have conversations about my state of mind; we talked about everything. My Dad is supportive in so many ways but I find I can't have those conversations with him in quite the same way - so it's something I miss. So I understand from that point of view.

You should be proud of yourself for helping your Mum through the last few months of her life - I didn't go with my Mum to the appointments, or even engage at times because my OCD was so bad and I couldn't see anything beyond myself. You don't have to worry about that, because you did everything you needed to do and that's something good that you'll be able to treasure. You've done so brilliantly and are doing brilliantly; you're clearly trying to keep your head in the right zone and doing everything you need to do. The good news is: you are going to be okay, I promise. 

Good luck with everything,

C x

[Lish]

Hello, I also know what you're going through. I lost my Nan in May who was basically my Mum as she was the one who raised me from a baby. My OCD did worsen for a bit but when stress is added in It does tend to do so. You're sensitive when you're grieving so what a great time for your ocd to come in and try to do it's worst.

I would say just be kind to yourself, allow yourself to grieve, and just accept the thoughts for what they are. Let them flow through your mind like a leaf flows on a stream. Don't get caught up in the water, take yourself to the river side and watch it. Don't give them any attention and get on with what you need to do.

I know it is hard but it can be done. I am very sorry for your loss.