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lostinme

What am I missing?

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I’m not really sure if this will make any sense or not? 

I’ve been doing really well and achieved so much, but I think I am possibly missing something or doing something wrong? 

It feels like I’m so near and yet so far? I’m working through the top of my heirachy and I feel I have 3 main hurdles to get over.

Firstly the good news is I don’t allow myself to ruminate over anything any more, I used to ruminate24/7 now it’s very rarely it happens and as soon as I catch myself doing it, I stop it immediately. 

I’ve also stopped all my compulsions regarding magical thinking, believe me there was a lot, to many to list. If I start to associate anything with magical thinking I will purposely do it wrong, mess them up etc to stop any thoughts of association before it starts. 

Ok this is one of the things I’m struggling on, Im hoping I can explain it in simple terms? 

I struggle making a cup of tea. My thoughts are around cleaning products, bleach etc, believing the thoughts that I have put them in the drinks I’m making, we could die, I would have killed my daughter or partner ect. I also have contamination fear that I might have something bad on my hands so I can’t touch the teabag, spoon etc. So to me one is harm ocd and one is contamination? Also my thoughts are related to magical thinking on the build up to making the drinks regarding the number counting, doing things in a certain way and order etc because i feel if I do things just right I believe that nothing bad will happen. 

Before starting cbt this was an horrendous task that consumed so much of my time. All four main doors to the kitchen had to be shut in a certain way and a certain number of times, in the right order etc. A stool had to be in front of the door leading to the wash room in a certain position just right, a bobble fastened a certain number of times around the handles to the under sink cupboard with a tea towel placed in the middle folded in a certain way. I fastened a belt to the stairs door and dog gate in a certain way. These rituals were a safety seeking behaviour to aid reassurance that I hadn’t been in any of theses rooms or in the cupboard for cleaning products etc. Things in the kitchen also had to be positioned in a certain way or in a certain direction before starting to even attempt to make a drink. If I didn’t do these things in a certain way and a certain number of times, I believed something bad would happen. If something disturbed me or I felt I hadnt done it just right i had to start all over again, counting 12345 and that’s ok and so on. When I was finally ready to make a drink I also had to do this in a certain way and a certain number of times not only for reassurance and checking later, but also magical thinking. Firstly filling and emptying the kettle 5 times, or until it felt just right, in multiples of 5. Then getting a teabag out with a spoon ensuring that I didn’t touch the side of the storage jar or the cup with my hand or the teabag, even though I’d washed my hands several  times before starting. Exactly the same with the sugar and same with kettle nothing allowed to touch the cup, milk bottle neither. If it touched the side of the cup I had to start all over again. After finally making my cup of tea I would be glued to the stool feeling unable to move or touch anything until I had drank it, ruminating going over everything in my mind, over and over again, from every step, count movement etc to exactly what I had done. 

So this is where I’m at right now whilst making a cup of tea and what changes I’ve made. I empty and fill the kettle only once, make my tea and take it in the room to drink it. I no longer do anything associated with magical thinking, I don’t ruminate, all doors are open, I don’t count anymore, no bobble on sink unit doors, no hand washing over and over, picking the teabag up with fingers, no avoidance of anything touching the cup, cleaning products are all out in the window bottom and no adjusting or moving things on the sides. Not being glued to my seat afraid to move. I think I’ve done really well however what bothers me is I still feel really anxious drinking it and the thoughts are still very intense and not subsiding, so I must be doing something wrong? All the other things I’ve worked through on my heirachy list no longer affect me or cause me anxiety, the thoughts very rarely come, only now and again a thought will pop up and I nip it in the bud straight away. 

Ive tried thinking as someone suggested, ok I’m putting bleach in it, Im going to to drink it germs and all, but this set me back further and it had the opposite effect. 

So now I’ve been trying the fact and evidence approach, the fact is I’m filling the kettle, the fact is im putting the teabag in etc and that there is no evidence suggesting I have done otherwise. However this isn’t working either. I’m at a loss how I can overcome this. I’m hoping that someone may have some ideas or advise to help me tackle this last part of making a cup of tea? 

Thankyou so much for taking the time to read this, so sorry it’s such a long post. 

Thank you for reading, kind regards lost.

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My first thoughts lost are that the environment you make your tea in is too controlled. Can you make tea mindlessly? Can the cleaning products be anyway or even open near you making tea? Can you drink it anywhere? Also, can you think anything you want? Which I think you addressed here,

37 minutes ago, lostinme said:

Ive tried thinking as someone suggested, ok I’m putting bleach in it, Im going to to drink it germs and all, but this set me back further and it had the opposite effect.

Why did this have the opposite affect? I imagine because you thought these things were more likely because you thought them. Thats simply placing an overimportance on thoughts.

If you control your environment too much, you are indirectly saying to yourself that you need the control to stay safe, I've experienced this myself.

It's always the hidden compulsions, the safety seeking behaviors that we do that aren't as obvious which are the hardest to tackle. I have to practise being mindless and free in my environment if not I tend to check or avoid as a habit if anything. Does that help any? :)

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What a great explanation lost, well done for articulating it in that way. 

I will print it off and analyse it to see if I can offer any suggestions. Right now I am a little subdued after wrestling with paperwork, but hopefully I can take a view later 

Hopefully others will do similar, and maybe Snowbear or Caramoole, or PolarBear or other stalwarts and friends may also have a view too 

I am doing well at the top end of my own hierarchy, so will also look at why I think that is, as it seems relevant. 

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1 hour ago, Gemma7 said:

Why did this have the opposite affect? I imagine because you thought these things were more likely because you thought them. Thats simply placing an overimportance on thoughts.

Gemma makes a good point here. I could be talking rubbish but I’d suggest letting the thoughts drift in and out as you make the tea Lost. If any intrusive thoughts pop in, agree with them and carry on making your tea. Maybe have a little music on in the background and have a little sing song, makes it harder to track what you are doing. Try making the tea differently, use a different spoon or cup. Stir with a different hand, milk before water. Change it up every time. So there is no right way, because there isn’t only one way to make a cuppa. 

Youve done amazing Lost, you’re not even letting this last compulsion get in the way of trying to get rid of OCD. 

Storm x

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37 minutes ago, Gemma7 said:

If you control your environment too much, you are indirectly saying to yourself that you need the control to stay safe, I've experienced this myself.

It's always the hidden compulsions, the safety seeking behaviors that we do that aren't as obvious which are the hardest to tackle. I have to practise being mindless and free in my environment if not I tend to check or avoid as a habit if anything.

Beautifully explained by Gemma. :yes: 

When giving up my multitude of magical thinking/ safety behaviour compulsions (very similar in degree to yours above) the hardest part was developing a new routine that didn't include compulsions and yet wasn't rigidly sticking to non-OCD behaviours either. Doing every day stuff completely mindlessly takes a surprising amount of practise!

1 hour ago, lostinme said:

I think I’ve done really well however what bothers me is I still feel really anxious drinking it and the thoughts are still very intense and not subsiding, so I must be doing something wrong? All the other things I’ve worked through on my heirachy list no longer affect me or cause me anxiety, the thoughts very rarely come, only now and again a thought will pop up and I nip it in the bud straight away. 

I don't think you're doing anything wrong. In fact you're doing splendidly. :clapping: 

If you find your thoughts drift back to the preparation of the drink while you're sipping it, or forward to possible consequences of the 'risks' you feel you've taken, then gently bring yourself back to the present. Focus on the feel of the mug in your hands, it's smoothness, it's warmth, the taste of the tea, the creaminess of the milk etc. Then after a minute or two of being mindful in the present make yourself do something unrelated to drinking tea, such as flipping through a magazine while you sip or thinking about the view from the window. 

It's just a matter of practise. And confidence. :) 

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Hi Lost,

firstly very well done on how far you have come. I am just about to tackle the top end of my hierarchy and am a tad nervous to say the least I can appreciate how hard it must be to achieve what you have done. I have a number of safety behaviours around certain things and also ruminate post these events so I am aware I have away to go

Again very well done, I hope I can achieve what you have with my own themes. In my CBT today we were talking about doing things in a 'mindless' way and how I hope to get to that level of 'mindless' myself with my most anxiety causing tasks.

Anyway back to your question I think Gemma and Snowbear have summed things up well, it seems as if maybe you engaging with the thoughts even on a subtle level, either thinking back to the preparation or forward a bit to the 'risks'.  Achieving a mindless method of making tea I think is the aim, just as you may do with other things such as for example changing the channel on the TV, picking up a book or magazine to read . People just do these things almost mindlessly and don't reflect on doing them or the build up and aftermath. 

Hope these explanations maybe shed a bit of light on it for you?

Avo

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Some spot on advice there lost. 

Tossing in my threepennyworth to add to the mix, here is how I have been tackling the top hierarchy of my own triggers surrounding violent or OCD-perceived violence, and personalisation to me. 

In going into exposure like reading the newspaper, listening to the radio news or being out and about where posters and adverts for possibly violent films and programmes may be, I have been adopting the position that I would think a non-harm OCD sufferer would take - but subconsciously not openly. 

So a story about something of a violent nature is "just a story about something of a violent nature",  it's happened elsewhere it isn't anything other than third party, and I am not thinking of a connection to me. 

So I am not making a connection with it, and the OCD isn't in the forefront of my thinking - it may hover along, but in my "peripheral vision"  not in my mental focus. 

As a result I can simply ease my thinking away from the story and on to my next activity. 

I may not, and mostly am not, considering things as OCD because the trigger has been rendered benign so isn't registering as a trigger. 

Edited by taurean

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2 hours ago, Gemma7 said:

My first thoughts lost are that the environment you make your tea in is too controlled. Can you make tea mindlessly? Can the cleaning products be anyway or even open near you making tea? Can you drink it anywhere? Also, can you think anything you want? Which I think you addressed here,

Why did this have the opposite affect? I imagine because you thought these things were more likely because you thought them. Thats simply placing an overimportance on thoughts.

If you control your environment too much, you are indirectly saying to yourself that you need the control to stay safe, I've experienced this myself.

It's always the hidden compulsions, the safety seeking behaviors that we do that aren't as obvious which are the hardest to tackle. I have to practise being mindless and free in my environment if not I tend to check or avoid as a habit if anything. Does that help any? :)

Hi Gemma, Thank you ? 

I think you might have hit the nail on the head. Even though I’ve worked through all the compulsions prior to this, one by one, until they no longer worried me, I don’t give them attention or importance at all, how far the doors are open or shut etc, they are not of any relevance in my mind, totally unnoticeable. 

I hadn’t even thought of it this way, but yes it is controlled to a certain degree. I can drink my tea almost anywhere and think about almost anything whilst drinking it except anything to do with cleaning products etc. The products are all lined up neatly and in a certain way yes. So I’m still giving importance and attention to the thoughts :(

You are so right, Im doing exactly that, i didn’t really notice that I am doing this until you brought it to my attention. I think I need to start changing some things other wise I will remain stuck here. 

Thank you so much Gemma this is really helpful to me :yes:

 

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2 hours ago, taurean said:

What a great explanation lost, well done for articulating it in that way. 

I will print it off and analyse it to see if I can offer any suggestions. Right now I am a little subdued after wrestling with paperwork, but hopefully I can take a view later 

Hopefully others will do similar, and maybe Snowbear or Caramoole, or PolarBear or other stalwarts and friends may also have a view too 

I am doing well at the top end of my own hierarchy, so will also look at why I think that is, as it seems relevant. 

Thank you ? Roy, that means a lot :)

So Sorry to hear your still snowed under with paper work :(

Its nice to hear your doing so well too :cheer:

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1 hour ago, Storm said:

Gemma makes a good point here. I could be talking rubbish but I’d suggest letting the thoughts drift in and out as you make the tea Lost. If any intrusive thoughts pop in, agree with them and carry on making your tea. Maybe have a little music on in the background and have a little sing song, makes it harder to track what you are doing. Try making the tea differently, use a different spoon or cup. Stir with a different hand, milk before water. Change it up every time. So there is no right way, because there isn’t only one way to make a cuppa. 

Youve done amazing Lost, you’re not even letting this last compulsion get in the way of trying to get rid of OCD. 

Storm x

Thank you storm, this sounds like a good point :yes: Hopefully with the advice off you and Gemma I will be able to tackle this last part of making a cuppa. I’ve got a few things to work through so hopefully I will be able to tackle this too :)

 

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Just to add to my earlier explanation of how I am operating at the top of my hierarchy, lost :

As someone else famously stated on here, "the triggers are all around me". 

Well they are what were previously triggers, but right now - as in that popular self-help book co-written by one of the Directors of Mindworks, my current therapist clinic,  Lauren Callaghan -  "Pulling The Trigger", I have disarmed the triggers, rendered them benign - so they are still around me, but no connection is being made. 

As Gemma observed, your scenario for making the drinks is not doing that - the triggers have "the best seat in the house"  and stay in mental focus ; not only that, they have the opportunity to shout out loud and cause distress, and they are doing so. 

I agree with Gemma - mixing things up, changing things around, treating the drink making as one of the mindfulness activities from your course - these are good ways of easing the triggers back out of focus and into background vision, even though the actual chemical is nearby. 

When the chemical becomes again just a chemical for cleaning the sink or whatever - in the same way as my news story becomes "simply a news story about a violent act some place else" - the connection OCD wants you to make to the trigger intrusion is severed, and the chemicals will drift back to just being household chemicals again. 

You can do this lost :cheer:

Edited by taurean

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1 hour ago, snowbear said:

Beautifully explained by Gemma. :yes: 

When giving up my multitude of magical thinking/ safety behaviour compulsions (very similar in degree to yours above) the hardest part was developing a new routine that didn't include compulsions and yet wasn't rigidly sticking to non-OCD behaviours either. Doing every day stuff completely mindlessly takes a surprising amount of practise!

I don't think you're doing anything wrong. In fact you're doing splendidly. :clapping: 

If you find your thoughts drift back to the preparation of the drink while you're sipping it, or forward to possible consequences of the 'risks' you feel you've taken, then gently bring yourself back to the present. Focus on the feel of the mug in your hands, it's smoothness, it's warmth, the taste of the tea, the creaminess of the milk etc. Then after a minute or two of being mindful in the present make yourself do something unrelated to drinking tea, such as flipping through a magazine while you sip or thinking about the view from the window. 

It's just a matter of practise. And confidence. :) 

Thank you snowbear, I think Gemma as explained it perfectly :yes: it looks like I’ve got lots of work to do again :(

I remember a while back writing a post where I was making cups without thinking about it,  I think I need to re-read it, I remember something StMike said that could be useful to me now :yes:

You say I’m not doing anything wrong? But I don’t think I’m doing it right either :( but I’m really glad I wrote this long post because I think it’s going to be really helpful to me. 

Ive worked through numerous things with lots of complicated compulsions but I’ve managed to get there in the end. I knew that this one wasn’t moving past this point but I couldn’t understand why? I’ve worked through things one by one, from brushing my teeth, to having a shower, to doing the washing, to going out, to light switches etc so many different things,  but I’ve always got to a good end result, so I knew I wasn’t doing something right here because I’ve been working on it way to long with no improvements. 

I don’t ruminate either way, but i just feel really anxious at drinking it and feel uneasyily anxious after. I can think and do most things whilst I am drinking it even though I’m anxious ? but I can’t think of cleaning products or go near something I fear. Not sure if this is making any sense or I’m not explaining myself very well? Does this make sense? 

Thanks lost :)

 

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1 hour ago, Avo said:

Hi Lost,

firstly very well done on how far you have come. I am just about to tackle the top end of my hierarchy and am a tad nervous to say the least I can appreciate how hard it must be to achieve what you have done. I have a number of safety behaviours around certain things and also ruminate post these events so I am aware I have away to go

Again very well done, I hope I can achieve what you have with my own themes. In my CBT today we were talking about doing things in a 'mindless' way and how I hope to get to that level of 'mindless' myself with my most anxiety causing tasks.

Anyway back to your question I think Gemma and Snowbear have summed things up well, it seems as if maybe you engaging with the thoughts even on a subtle level, either thinking back to the preparation or forward a bit to the 'risks'.  Achieving a mindless method of making tea I think is the aim, just as you may do with other things such as for example changing the channel on the TV, picking up a book or magazine to read . People just do these things almost mindlessly and don't reflect on doing them or the build up and aftermath. 

Hope these explanations maybe shed a bit of light on it for you?

Avo

Hi Avo, thank you ? 

I think it’s going to be more challenging the higher up the heirachy we go. But saying all that, if we do the same as the others and just chip away at the compulsions one by one until we reach our goal it’s achievable. But I knew I was getting something wrong, because I’ve been working on this one for a few months now. Like above so many things were consumed by so many compulsions from brushing my teeth, cleaning, going out, showering, light switches, making beds etc far to many to mention. Each one had so many compulsions, that I had to chip away at to achieve my end goal. So I know that this is also achievable, it’s just finding the right way to do it. 

I bet there is lots of people who do things mindlessly every day without even realising they are doing it. I’d love to get to that point :yes:

Wishing you all the best working through the top end of your heirachy, stay strong, remain positive, you can do this :cheer:

Best wishes, lost

 

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1 hour ago, taurean said:

Some spot on advice there lost. 

Tossing in my threepennyworth to add to the mix, here is how I have been tackling the top hierarchy of my own triggers surrounding violent or OCD-perceived violence, and personalisation to me. 

In going into exposure like reading the newspaper, listening to the radio news or being out and about where posters and adverts for possibly violent films and programmes may be, I have been adopting the position that I would think a non-harm OCD sufferer would take - but subconsciously not openly. 

So a story about something of a violent nature is "just a story about something of a violent nature",  it's happened elsewhere it isn't anything other than third party, and I am not thinking of a connection to me. 

So I am not making a connection with it, and the OCD isn't in the forefront of my thinking - it may hover along, but in my "peripheral vision"  not in my mental focus. 

As a result I can simply ease my thinking away from the story and on to my next activity. 

I may not, and mostly am not, considering things as OCD because the trigger has been rendered benign so isn't registering as a trigger. 

There is Roy, I need to administer some changes I think ? 

I totally understand what you are saying Roy, I need to adapt the same behaviours to mine to render my triggers benign :yes:

Your doing so well Roy :cheer:it’s amazing ? you should be really proud of yourself .

1 hour ago, taurean said:

Just to add to my earlier explanation of how I am operating at the top of my hierarchy, lost :

As someone else famously stated on here, "the triggers are all around me". 

Well they are what were previously triggers, but right now - as in that popular self-help book co-written by one of the Directors of Mindworks, my current therapist clinic,  Lauren Callaghan -  "Pulling The Trigger", I have disarmed the triggers, rendered them benign - so they are still around me, but no connection is being made. 

As Gemma observed, your scenario for making the drinks is not doing that - the triggers have "the best seat in the house"  and stay in mental focus ; not only that, they have the opportunity to shout out loud and cause distress, and they are doing so. 

I agree with Gemma - mixing things up, changing things around, treating the drink making as one of the mindfulness activities from your course - these are good ways of easing the triggers back out of focus and into background vision, even though the actual chemical is nearby. 

When the chemical becomes again just a chemical for cleaning the sink or whatever - in the same way as my news story becomes "simply a news story about a violent act some place else" - the connection OCD wants you to make to the trigger intrusion is severed, and the chemicals will drift back to just being household chemicals again. 

You can do this lost :cheer:

Thank you Roy some great advise :)

With all of this great advise from my forum friends I’m sure I can beat this :cheer:

Thank you ? every one for all this great advise. 

Lost 

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19 minutes ago, lostinme said:

I’ve worked through things one by one, from brushing my teeth, to having a shower, to doing the washing, to going out, to light switches etc so many different things,  but I’ve always got to a good end result, so I knew I wasn’t doing something right here because I’ve been working on it way to long with no improvements. 

I don’t ruminate either way, but i just feel really anxious at drinking it and feel uneasyily anxious after. I can think and do most things whilst I am drinking it even though I’m anxious ? but I can’t think of cleaning products or go near something I fear.

You ARE doing it right. Just because the anxiety hasn't stopped as easily as it did with the lesser hierarchy stuff doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong. In fact, this difficulty in stopping the worry is to be expected at the top end of your hierarchy.

The fear around this issue runs closer to your core value (not harming others) than showering and washing (putting yourself in danger) so the stakes are higher and the perceived risk of letting it go feels scarier. You will get to that good result place, but it may take a bit longer and a bit more effort.  Listen to what you said - you can do most things while you drink now.  :) 

So how can you say you've been working on it too long with no improvements? After it took you half a page to list the HUGE and numerous improvements you've made. Don't start narrowing and redefining the goal posts because you're halfway up the pitch! :laugh:  

And there's no such thing as 'too long'. :dry:  It takes as long as it takes to unwind a piece of string. This is your longest and knottiest piece of string, so you work at it until the job is done, not until whatever time you think you ought to be able to clock off. 

OK, so you're still lacking a bit of confidence and this means you avoid going to an emotionally challenging place while drinking. Fair enough. One step at a time. Get comfortable with drinking while you're in a strong emotional place first. Keep your thoughts neutral or positive for now and allow yourself that one 'avoidance compulsion' of mentally associating cleaning products with what you're doing. When you can manage to do other activities effortlessly while in neutral mode then start challenging yourself again. Bring in a few riskier thoughts that generate those negative emotions.

If your anxiety level rises with the introduction of this perceived risk then it's a sign you haven't broken the link between the meaning you've attached to consumption of food and risk. We all know it's easy to break the link on a thinking level and convince yourself logically that your fears are nonsense. Much harder to break free of the meaning you've given it on a gut level, right down in that black pit where you believe-without-thinking that the risks are genuine and there really is something you ought to be doing to prevent them. That's the Lostie you have to convince that it's nonsense. Then you'll be free to sip your tea while mindlessly cleaning a spare mug with bleach, or slurp away happily while deliberately imaging the consequences of poisoning your nearest and dearest... Easy peasy, because the link you previously created between imagined risk and feared consequence will be fully broken. It's just time, practise and perseverance. :) 

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Now  this thread alone justifies the existence of the OCD-UK forums :yes:

Here we have a situation where one of our dear forum friends has a problem, and needs help to realise what needs changing. 

And a wonderful number of responses has given her clarification and some new ways to work. 

So, rather like Chris Tarrant thanking them following  a successful use of the "ask the audience"  helpline, I would just like to say :

"Well done everybody"   :worthy:   :king:

 

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1 hour ago, snowbear said:

You ARE doing it right. Just because the anxiety hasn't stopped as easily as it did with the lesser hierarchy stuff doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong. In fact, this difficulty in stopping the worry is to be expected at the top end of your hierarchy.

Agreed. You are definitely doing this right and I actually think that what you are experiencing is just a step in therapy that everybody has to go through. The more fighting I've done the more I've had to adapt. Perhaps it needs talked about a lot more by us sufferers going through therapy but this isn't just a step it is THE step in my opinion. It's the toughest bit, the final bit, the bit that when we succeed will see us popping out the other side OCD free, unburdened. It's meant to be hard to challenge long held beliefs if it wasn't we'd be doing it wrong :)

Edited by Gemma7

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21 hours ago, snowbear said:

You ARE doing it right. Just because the anxiety hasn't stopped as easily as it did with the lesser hierarchy stuff doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong. In fact, this difficulty in stopping the worry is to be expected at the top end of your hierarchy.

The fear around this issue runs closer to your core value (not harming others) than showering and washing (putting yourself in danger) so the stakes are higher and the perceived risk of letting it go feels scarier. You will get to that good result place, but it may take a bit longer and a bit more effort.  Listen to what you said - you can do most things while you drink now.  :) 

So how can you say you've been working on it too long with no improvements? After it took you half a page to list the HUGE and numerous improvements you've made. Don't start narrowing and redefining the goal posts because you're halfway up the pitch! :laugh:  

And there's no such thing as 'too long'. :dry:  It takes as long as it takes to unwind a piece of string. This is your longest and knottiest piece of string, so you work at it until the job is done, not until whatever time you think you ought to be able to clock off. 

OK, so you're still lacking a bit of confidence and this means you avoid going to an emotionally challenging place while drinking. Fair enough. One step at a time. Get comfortable with drinking while you're in a strong emotional place first. Keep your thoughts neutral or positive for now and allow yourself that one 'avoidance compulsion' of mentally associating cleaning products with what you're doing. When you can manage to do other activities effortlessly while in neutral mode then start challenging yourself again. Bring in a few riskier thoughts that generate those negative emotions.

If your anxiety level rises with the introduction of this perceived risk then it's a sign you haven't broken the link between the meaning you've attached to consumption of food and risk. We all know it's easy to break the link on a thinking level and convince yourself logically that your fears are nonsense. Much harder to break free of the meaning you've given it on a gut level, right down in that black pit where you believe-without-thinking that the risks are genuine and there really is something you ought to be doing to prevent them. That's the Lostie you have to convince that it's nonsense. Then you'll be free to sip your tea while mindlessly cleaning a spare mug with bleach, or slurp away happily while deliberately imaging the consequences of poisoning your nearest and dearest... Easy peasy, because the link you previously created between imagined risk and feared consequence will be fully broken. It's just time, practise and perseverance. :) 

So sorry it’s took so long to reply snowbear it’s been the busiest 24 hours ever, I havnt had 2 seconds to log on until now :(

This has made me feel so much better, I don’t feel quite so disheartened as though I was failing the final part :yes: you have worded this in a fantastic way and I totally understand ever little part I need to be working through and recognising all the little things that i need to be working on. You have explained everything perfectly, in a absolutely fantastic post, what a great explanation :thankyousign:. So hopefully with all this great advise i have recieved, I can see some of the things I am not doing quite right and I’m able to see what I should be doing differently :yes:

Feeling a lot more positive now, thank you ? 

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21 hours ago, taurean said:

Now  this thread alone justifies the existence of the OCD-UK forums :yes:

Here we have a situation where one of our dear forum friends has a problem, and needs help to realise what needs changing. 

And a wonderful number of responses has given her clarification and some new ways to work. 

So, rather like Chris Tarrant thanking them following  a successful use of the "ask the audience"  helpline, I would just like to say :

"Well done everybody"   :worthy:   :king:

 

It sure does Roy :yes:some absolutely amazing advice from my dear forum friends, it’s given me the positivity and courage I need to see that I can eventually work through this final part too :cheer:

I now know I need to apply some changes to both my behaviour as well as my thoughts and it’s still possible to reach my end goal :)

:thankyousign:

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20 hours ago, Gemma7 said:

Agreed. You are definitely doing this right and I actually think that what you are experiencing is just a step in therapy that everybody has to go through. The more fighting I've done the more I've had to adapt. Perhaps it needs talked about a lot more by us sufferers going through therapy but this isn't just a step it is THE step in my opinion. It's the toughest bit, the final bit, the bit that when we succeed will see us popping out the other side OCD free, unburdened. It's meant to be hard to challenge long held beliefs if it wasn't we'd be doing it wrong :)

Thankyou so much Gemma :)

With all the help and advise from you guys I’m feeling so much better and more equipped to get through this:yes:

:thankyousign: so much everyone :) it’s appreciated so so much :yes:

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19 minutes ago, taurean said:

To quote a very good friend. 

"You can do this lost" :)   :cheer:

 

Bless you, Thankyou Roy! your a very good friend too :)

We can do this :cheer:

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I'd just like to echo what everyone else is saying. You are doing everything right, lost. Reading your first post, you've come a long way. You've stopped many compulsions around making tea. Are you at the end? No, but you've come a long way and you have momentum.

Keep going. Keep challenging yourself. You've figured out how to tame the beast so keep going. You're doing very well!

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3 hours ago, PolarBear said:

I'd just like to echo what everyone else is saying. You are doing everything right, lost. Reading your first post, you've come a long way. You've stopped many compulsions around making tea. Are you at the end? No, but you've come a long way and you have momentum.

Keep going. Keep challenging yourself. You've figured out how to tame the beast so keep going. You're doing very well!

Thank you so much PolarBear for your kind words of encouragement! I’m very determined that I will eventually beat this final part, so hopefully with all this great advice from my forum friends I will find the right way to do so :yes:

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