Why is my OCD flaring up again?

[lonelygirl91]

I've gone through a long period of time where I've been much better. The OCD is always there but it doesn't control my life as it did and I'm able not to pay these thoughts attention. I have HOCD or SOCD (OCD about being lesbian or bi). I was really spiked by the whole Kevin Spacey thing, where he came out as gay. People were saying for years that he was gay because he was never seen to be dating women and he never had a girlfriend, especially not in the public eye. It's made me think, what if I'm gay because I've never had a long term serious boyfriend and apart from a few dates I haven't had sex with anybody or dated anybody in like three years. I'm 25, 26 this month. I had a boyfriend when I was 18 for like 2 months, but it felt really serious at the time and I got really hurt. So I've never had like a proper boyfriend or even like a guy who I date casually. 

I find dating really difficult and I'm quite picky as well. I don't really get asked out much and the guys that do ask me out aren't the guys I'm interested in. The guys who I am interested in aren't interested in me. I could have a boyfriend if I wanted to but I want to find the right guy. I don't feel comfortable having sex with guys who don't respect me or see me as only a sex object. I've done that before at university and it felt empty and horrible having hook ups. Most guys only seem to be after sex and don't respect women, especially on apps like Tinder. It's really difficult finding guys that I like. For me having strong chemistry and attraction with a guy is important. I don't want to settle for just any guy who comes along. My mum agrees with me and tells me that I'll find the right guy one day and it's better to wait for the right one than just be with anybody. 

I'm also a bit scared of commitment, but maybe it's because I haven't met the right guy. In my mind I keep thinking what if it's because I'm secretly a lesbian and I'm putting off having a boyfriend? A lot of people ask me why I don't have a boyfriend and it makes me think that they think that there's something wrong with me.

[OceanDweller]

Hi lonelygirl. You're young. And life's long. I would advise anyone in their twenties to enjoy life and not become preoccupied with relationships. You're a long time married (well, sometimes!). Have fun. Put yourself out there. And forget Tinder. If you're openminded you'll meet fellas who capture your imagination. Being picky doesn't make you a lesbian! But being overly picky might mean you miss out on getting to know some fascinating guys. Love is what life's about. But it can't be hurried (as a few folk have famously sang!). Take your time and celebrate every moment. I'd trade you my entire slippers collection to be 25 again! Savour it.

[PolarBear]

Kevin Spacey's sexual orientation has nothing to do with yours. Stop trying to answer questions about what not having a boyfriend means. That will only get you in trouble.

By the way, the reason OCD came back is because you let it. You got some intrusive thoughts and you made the mistakeofreacting to them. That's how it starts. 

[ashipinharbor]

5 hours ago, lonelygirl91 said:

For me having strong chemistry and attraction with a guy is important. I don't want to settle for just any guy who comes along.

I'm also a bit scared of commitment

That's why you've never had a relationship. Not because you're a lesbian. At the risk of reassurance, I'm bi, and I've known I was into women since I was a little girl.

[lonelygirl91]

 

On 06/11/2017 at 00:13, ashipinharbor said:

That's why you've never had a relationship. Not because you're a lesbian. At the risk of reassurance, I'm bi, and I've known I was into women since I was a little girl.

I'm really scared of commitment and developing serious feelings and opening up about myself to others. I'm really picky as well. 

I've always liked boys. I thought I could be bi when I was 18, but I think I thought it was trendy and i thought what would it be like to kiss a girl and I admired women's bodies. I don't think I thought about being with a woman in a relationship or doing anything sexual. The idea of being a lesbian sprang into my mind and made me depressed. It just popped into my head for no reason.

I had a drunken sexual experience with a girl at uni on a night out. I claimed that I "enjoyed" it but I dont remember it. I know that I felt depressed afterwards and cried because I was scared that i was a lesbian. 

I don't want to be bi either, no offense to no people. I've never had sexual or romantic feelings for a woman I don't think. The most I've ever had is a "girl crush" which loads of straight girls have and just admiring a woman, mainly a celebrity. I admire some women and my mind makes me think what if I fancy them? 

I keep thinking what if I should put interested in women on in my tinder profile but I can never make myself do it.

I like really manly guys. Not macho and sexist assholes but guys who are look and act manly. Men who are tall and much bigger than me. Men who are not that manly just remind me too much of women. 

[ashipinharbor]

20 hours ago, lonelygirl91 said:

 

I'm really scared of commitment and developing serious feelings and opening up about myself to others. I'm really picky as well. 

I've always liked boys. I thought I could be bi when I was 18, but I think I thought it was trendy and i thought what would it be like to kiss a girl and I admired women's bodies. I don't think I thought about being with a woman in a relationship or doing anything sexual. The idea of being a lesbian sprang into my mind and made me depressed. It just popped into my head for no reason.

I had a drunken sexual experience with a girl at uni on a night out. I claimed that I "enjoyed" it but I dont remember it. I know that I felt depressed afterwards and cried because I was scared that i was a lesbian. 

I don't want to be bi either, no offense to no people. I've never had sexual or romantic feelings for a woman I don't think. The most I've ever had is a "girl crush" which loads of straight girls have and just admiring a woman, mainly a celebrity. I admire some women and my mind makes me think what if I fancy them? 

I keep thinking what if I should put interested in women on in my tinder profile but I can never make myself do it.

I like really manly guys. Not macho and sexist assholes but guys who are look and act manly. Men who are tall and much bigger than me. Men who are not that manly just remind me too much of women. 

Look, if a bi woman saying you're not gay isn't enough, then it's the ocd, and nothing you do will give you any clarity.

You're just ruminating, compulsing. It has to stop.

[lonelygirl91]

3 hours ago, ashipinharbor said:

Look, if a bi woman saying you're not gay isn't enough, then it's the ocd, and nothing you do will give you any clarity.

You're just ruminating, compulsing. It has to stop.

Do I sound bi to you? 

[Wonderer]

1 hour ago, lonelygirl91 said:

Do I sound bi to you? 

don’t do this to yourself lonelygirl, u have been here before and eventually you got well, ur having a blip that’s all, don’t fall into those old reassurance seeking behaviours again, u know it’s not good for u.x

[ashipinharbor]

7 hours ago, lonelygirl91 said:

Do I sound bi to you? 

If I told you, would your OCD go away? Unfortunately, no. So, there's no point.

[lonelygirl91]

I'm feeling really really bad, worse than I've felt since I can remember. The nightmare has returned and it's so horrible. This destroyed my life for so long. I keep ruminating in the past; did I really want to be with a woman and I claimed that I "enjoyed" that drunken experience with that girl. I must sound at least bi to you ashipinharbour, if I "enjoyed" it. Why would I say that I "enjoyed" it and be so upset afterwards? When I was 18 I was curious what it was like to kiss a girl.

I keep mentally testing, could I be with a woman? My mind is making me think that's what I want but it never feels real. It's like my mind can't focus on these thoughts and they're very fragmented. What if I'm a commitment phobe because I'm really a lesbian? What if this is not OCD? I can't come to terms with the idea of being into women. 

[lonelygirl91]

I'm back to mentally testing sexual and romantic scenarios with a woman in my head. I get no clear answers. 

[PolarBear]

2 hours ago, lonelygirl91 said:

I'm back to mentally testing sexual and romantic scenarios with a woman in my head. I get no clear answers. 

That's because it's a compulsion and compulsions don't work. You cannot think your way to an answer. So you have to try your best to stop trying to answer the question.

[ashipinharbor]

11 hours ago, lonelygirl91 said:

I'm feeling really really bad, worse than I've felt since I can remember. The nightmare has returned and it's so horrible. This destroyed my life for so long. I keep ruminating in the past; did I really want to be with a woman and I claimed that I "enjoyed" that drunken experience with that girl. I must sound at least bi to you ashipinharbour, if I "enjoyed" it. Why would I say that I "enjoyed" it and be so upset afterwards? When I was 18 I was curious what it was like to kiss a girl.

I keep mentally testing, could I be with a woman? My mind is making me think that's what I want but it never feels real. It's like my mind can't focus on these thoughts and they're very fragmented. What if I'm a commitment phobe because I'm really a lesbian? What if this is not OCD? I can't come to terms with the idea of being into women. 

Look, I'm just going to be blunt. You have OCD. Asking me for reassurance won't work. I refuse to give it, and it won't help.

OCD has you thinking you know lgb feelings/experiences better than an actual lgb person. Doesn't that say something about how tightly this thought has you?

[Lish]

Your whole post is an example of rumination.. which is a compulsion. For me, it was the most challenging compulsion to cut out. That is why your ocd has come back. Because something spiked you and you reacted by performing a compulsion, instead of just accepting it as a thought and getting on with your day.