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Don’t see how it’s OCD


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1 hour ago, HDC said:

Ignore that thought... remember this is your ocd not you, if you wanted it you wouldn't feel like this 

You’re right, it’s just that I’m hyper aware now of every single thing. Thank you 

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1 hour ago, lostinme said:

Lily if you keep checking again and again it will only increases the doubt more, this is the part you need to work on not doing :yes:

lost it’s just so hard for me to just accept the thoughts they feel truer every time and my mind is just... the worst thing ever

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1 hour ago, PolarBear said:

Lily, you are really in a bad way right now. Your mind is over-analyzing every move you make. You are hypervigilant of everything you do and your mind keeps making sexual connections to the most innocent of gestures.

Why is this happening? In large part because you freak out every time and you pay way too much attention to the thoughts. You are causing yourself to be hypervigilant. Your movements are innocent but your mind makes them out to be terrible.

Be aware of that. Know that more of these thoughts are coming. Accept them as nonsense. Refuse to get into mind debates over them. Dismiss them as irrelevant.

It is true, I’m in such a bad place right now and I appreciate so much you taking your time once again to make me realise how my mind’s tricked me once again. I’m still doubting but deep down I know I would never do that with bad intentions (oh, gotta love how my mind is telling me that i would and i have done it) anyway, I have to disconect from it now and go distract myself or something. Thank you so much and you’re right @lostinme this is great advice you all give me such excellent advice always even though I can be really annoying and not take it on board for what I apologise also. Logging off for today, let’s see how my appointment with my therapist goes tomorrow. I’m also seeing a psychiatrist who suffered himself from OCD and possibly having my meds finally changed! Good night everyone :) 

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On 11/7/2017 at 18:41, lily17 said:

I slightly blowed air towards his crotch because I thought he would like it or something idk??????  I didn't like doing this but I feel like I abused him somehow now I'm feeling so anxious. I shouldn't come close to him again. I'm such a mess.

My mind is racing over this event. I don’t know what to believe because the truth is that I think I did it to see his reaction but I don’t know. It’s like I read a post awhile ago where a woman touched his baby son in his parts because she thought he would like it and maybe I just remembered that but really I don’t know if I did it before or after doing it and I’m in turmoil! I feel like I’ve molested him. I blowed air towards his crotch but not directly because he had his paw crossed so... I just don’t know ? (this is about my dog tho)

Edited by lily17
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Hello, please someone respond me to this. I can’t stop thinking “did I abuse him?” I mean he had like an annoyed face but it’s because dogs generally don’t like being blowned to, but I don’t know. Did I molest him? I just don’t know. I either did it to see his reaction or because I thought he would like it. The latter seems so awful. I can’t take it. I think it was to see his reaction?????? I would never want to harm him, I would rather die. But I think this was sexual abuse

Edited by lily17
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23 minutes ago, ohwhyhello said:

Hey Lily, based on the advice you've previously been given, what do you think is the best course of action in response to this situation?

Stop ruminating about this but I can’t do it, it’s like too serious to let it go :( 

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I just need an opinion, point of view... Did I do wrong? ? I love my dog to the moon and back... Why did I do that, I don’t think it was a test, well it might have been in case I wanted to see his reaction 

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32 minutes ago, OceanDweller said:

Actually, this is the complete opposite of what you need. It's unabashed reassurance seeking. Your resolve lasted barely a few hours. Yet again.

I'm really sorry but this is a different obsession now :( I'm trying to manage the other, I'm not testing myself today but this thing is bothering me so much :crybaby:

Edited by lily17
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7 minutes ago, lily17 said:

I'm really sorry but this is a different obsession now :( I'm trying to manage the other, I'm not testing myself today but this thing is bothering me so much :crybaby:

Why does it being a different obsession excuse it? You could have a hundred (trust me!) different obsessions but the appropriate course of action would remain the same. And what should that course of action be Lily?

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38 minutes ago, lily17 said:

I'm really sorry but this is a different obsession now :( I'm trying to manage the other

As OD has advised, it doesn't matter if it's a diferent obsession.  The number of or nature of obsessions is unimportant.  You aim to recognise it's OCD and then work at reducing the compulsions, particularly seeking to be reassured everytime a fear strikes you.  This only makes things worse.

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I’m so sorry, I can’t. It feels too real now. I’ve abused him by doing that. I don’t want to live anymore. Why did I do it? It wasn’t to please myself but to see his reaction or maybe because I thought that he would like it (at least that’s what I thought after doing it or maybe before, I dont know anything ?) Why. Just why. Ruined my own life.

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Lily firstly you need to take a deep breath and calm down. The more anxious and worked up you get the worse things will feel. Ruminating is a big big compulsion and this is what you need to work really hard at stopping. It really isn’t easy when you first start working on this,  it takes lots of commitment, determination and repetition with lots and lots of practice and at times you will have setbacks. This doesn’t matter though because it’s at these times that you learn the most and you begin to see that ruminating really is a pointless task and that you will never ever get the answers you seek. It just causes you hours of endless torment and you still have to live with the uncertainty of never knowing. Its only by working through this yourself that you will begin to see just how pointless it really is, we can tell you over and over again to stop this, but this really isn’t enough. You need to work through it day after day, until you begin to see for yourself just how pointless it really is. It won’t happen overnight you will have to work at it, day in and day out, but the more you do it the easier it becomes. What you have to do is each time you get the thought, you have to think to yourself I’m not doing this right now and refocus back onto what you are doing, you do this each and every time you get the thought, remember refocus refocus refocus every single time. At times you will catch yourself ruminating and not even realise your doing it, but as soon as you do just refocus your attention back to what your doing. You have to learn to accept the doubt of never knowing, it’s possible I might well have done and it’s also possible I might not have done.  

I don’t ruminate at all now, not ever, but it’s only by self learning that I’ve actually realised that either way we have to live with the uncertainty of never knowing anyway. So I began to see that the hours of torment and pain really are pointless. It didn’t matter how many times someone told me to just stop doing it, I couldn’t, if I could I wouldn’t have a disorder, it wouldn’t be a problem. You have to work really hard at it yourself until you begin to see it for what it is. 

 After care is important to, the thoughts will come from time to time but you need to think I’m not going there and let the thoughts just pass through and acknowledge them as OCD thoughts and nothing more. 

Believe me you can do this, determination will get you there :cheer:

Hope this helps you lily, your only young, put up your biggest fight and win back your freedom :)

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1 hour ago, lostinme said:

Lily firstly you need to take a deep breath and calm down. The more anxious and worked up you get the worse things will feel. Ruminating is a big big compulsion and this is what you need to work really hard at stopping. It really isn’t easy when you first start working on this,  it takes lots of commitment, determination and repetition with lots and lots of practice and at times you will have setbacks. This doesn’t matter though because it’s at these times that you learn the most and you begin to see that ruminating really is a pointless task and that you will never ever get the answers you seek. It just causes you hours of endless torment and you still have to live with the uncertainty of never knowing. Its only by working through this yourself that you will begin to see just how pointless it really is, we can tell you over and over again to stop this, but this really isn’t enough. You need to work through it day after day, until you begin to see for yourself just how pointless it really is. It won’t happen overnight you will have to work at it, day in and day out, but the more you do it the easier it becomes. What you have to do is each time you get the thought, you have to think to yourself I’m not doing this right now and refocus back onto what you are doing, you do this each and every time you get the thought, remember refocus refocus refocus every single time. At times you will catch yourself ruminating and not even realise your doing it, but as soon as you do just refocus your attention back to what your doing. You have to learn to accept the doubt of never knowing, it’s possible I might well have done and it’s also possible I might not have done.  

I don’t ruminate at all now, not ever, but it’s only by self learning that I’ve actually realised that either way we have to live with the uncertainty of never knowing anyway. So I began to see that the hours of torment and pain really are pointless. It didn’t matter how many times someone told me to just stop doing it, I couldn’t, if I could I wouldn’t have a disorder, it wouldn’t be a problem. You have to work really hard at it yourself until you begin to see it for what it is. 

 After care is important to, the thoughts will come from time to time but you need to think I’m not going there and let the thoughts just pass through and acknowledge them as OCD thoughts and nothing more. 

Believe me you can do this, determination will get you there :cheer:

Hope this helps you lily, your only young, put up your biggest fight and win back your freedom :)

Congrats on acknowledging not ruminating!! That is so big. You’re right it’s definitely one of my biggest compulsions and sometimes it’s like I see being stuck on something is not even worth it but like I get out of it??? Because I think I’m evil and that I’ve done wrong... It’s really hard to refocus also because I think I don’t deserve to do anything just sit there ruminating. I can get really really bad ugh. Thank you for this response, really helpful you made me realise things :) 

Edited by lily17
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Lily I’ve suffered with OCD for over 40 years now and I’ve spent 24/7 ruminating over and over again. We all believe we are a bad person and we don’t deserve anything else, because we must be bad for having these thoughts. But this isn’t true, everyone has intrusive thoughts, it’s just how we react to them that’s different. A person without OCD will just think oh what a stupid thought, let it pass, not acknowledge it and get on with their day. A person with OCD will acknowledge the thought, worry if it could be true, begin to doubt themselves and in the process become really anxious, they then start ruminating about it, do more compulsions and then reassurance seeking and this is where our problem starts. 

You can do this lily one day at a time :)

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Here is a great saying I came across in a CBT self-help book, to deal with this issue of feeling bad. 

"We are not bad, we never were". 

It's a good one to roll out, it gives us power and strength to fight back. 

And we should always remember that the OCD illness distorts our thoughts through the normal channels in our brain, which is why we get deluded into thinking the distortions are true. 

So maybe think:

"Believe lostinme, not the OCD" :)

 

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14 minutes ago, lostinme said:

Lily I’ve suffered with OCD for over 40 years now and I’ve spent 24/7 ruminating over and over again. We all believe we are a bad person and we don’t deserve anything else, because we must be bad for having these thoughts. But this isn’t true, everyone has intrusive thoughts, it’s just how we react to them that’s different. A person without OCD will just think oh what a stupid thought, let it pass, not acknowledge it and get on with their day. A person with OCD will acknowledge the thought, worry if it could be true, begin to doubt themselves and in the process become really anxious, they then start ruminating about it, do more compulsions and then reassurance seeking and this is where our problem starts. 

You can do this lily one day at a time :)

You just described myself. So yeah maybe I must start believing I suffer from OCD, it’s about time. Thank you lost :) 

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7 minutes ago, taurean said:

Here is a great saying I came across in a CBT self-help book, to deal with this issue of feeling bad. 

"We are not bad, we never were". 

It's a good one to roll out, it gives us power and strength to fight back. 

And we should always remember that the OCD illness distorts our thoughts through the normal channels in our brain, which is why we get deluded into thinking the distortions are true. 

So maybe think:

"Believe lostinme, not the OCD" :)

 

Such a good quote, taurean! Sometimes I start to think “well maybe if i shouldn’t have done/thought that, i wouldn’t be evil now” but it’s all OCD at work. Sometimes I can see it but most of the time I can’t. I’ll try and stick to your advice and everyone on here, I’ll try again. Thank you so much.

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