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My nerves and ocd have been sky jigh recently. I can't help but believe that the harm thoughts and urges are real. I keep trying to convince myself that if i really wanted to hurt the person i would have done it, and not panicked over it. Try to convince myself its not who i am at all. Im just really struggling. Ive been more open with my friends recently about my OCD and they are very supportive. One of them came round to my house today with her father and we spoke openly about it. But when her father was out og the room, i told her my anxiety is sky high and that I had just had an intrusive thought. What didnt help is i received a package while she was here, thay i had to open with scissors. So the whole time they were here the scissors were in the room. Please help me, these thoughts seem so real. Im terrified as im supposed to be going to my family's house later on and I do not want it happening whilst I am there (im already nervous about it) so i do not want to go. But i also do not want to let this stop me from doing things. Please help. 

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Hi Hayley, 

I also suffer with harm thoughts, but don't panic, try to stop reassuring yourself that you'd never do something like that, don't engage with the thoughts AT ALL, just go 'it's my ocd' and leave it alone, don't allow yourself to feel guilty or like you're a bad person :) you're not, do this and gradually they will fade! 

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10 hours ago, Haayleey96 said:

My nerves and ocd have been sky jigh recently. I can't help but believe that the harm thoughts and urges are real. I keep trying to convince myself that if i really wanted to hurt the person i would have done it, and not panicked over it. Try to convince myself its not who i am at all. Im just really struggling. Ive been more open with my friends recently about my OCD and they are very supportive. One of them came round to my house today with her father and we spoke openly about it. But when her father was out og the room, i told her my anxiety is sky high and that I had just had an intrusive thought. What didnt help is i received a package while she was here, thay i had to open with scissors. So the whole time they were here the scissors were in the room. Please help me, these thoughts seem so real. Im terrified as im supposed to be going to my family's house later on and I do not want it happening whilst I am there (im already nervous about it) so i do not want to go. But i also do not want to let this stop me from doing things. Please help. 

You say you keep trying to convince yourself that you don't want to hurt the person. You try to convince yourself that's not who you are. There's your compulsions. They need to stop. Yes, they need to stop. When you do those things, you are reacting to the thoughts, guaranteeing they will come back in the future to bother you more.

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18 hours ago, HDC said:

Hi Hayley, 

I also suffer with harm thoughts, but don't panic, try to stop reassuring yourself that you'd never do something like that, don't engage with the thoughts AT ALL, just go 'it's my ocd' and leave it alone, don't allow yourself to feel guilty or like you're a bad person :) you're not, do this and gradually they will fade! 

 

11 hours ago, PolarBear said:

You say you keep trying to convince yourself that you don't want to hurt the person. You try to convince yourself that's not who you are. There's your compulsions. They need to stop. Yes, they need to stop. When you do those things, you are reacting to the thoughts, guaranteeing they will come back in the future to bother you more.

I've spoken to a place called Talking Matters. Decided that i can't do it on my own anymore. Its so hard not to engage & distract as even when im trying to distract my mind i know im doing it to get rid of the thought. 

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3 hours ago, Haayleey96 said:

 

I've spoken to a place called Talking Matters. Decided that i can't do it on my own anymore. Its so hard not to engage & distract as even when im trying to distract my mind i know im doing it to get rid of the thought. 

Good for you for getting help :) hopefully with some treatment your anxiety will fade and you'll spend less time on the thoughts!

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9 hours ago, HDC said:

Good for you for getting help :) hopefully with some treatment your anxiety will fade and you'll spend less time on the thoughts!

Thank you HDC. It's about time I dealt with it. I did have failed attempts in the past, but time to try a new place and approach. I'm so sad though as i've had a fabulous time at my mums and now it has came to bed time and the thoughts and urges have came back :( ive tried word games and things on my phone but nothing is working. I think im distracting as a compulsion? I'm fully aware that i distract myself to stop the thoughts, therefore I get worse and cannot actually concentrate on what i've distracted myself with. 

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10 hours ago, Haayleey96 said:

Thank you HDC. It's about time I dealt with it. I did have failed attempts in the past, but time to try a new place and approach. I'm so sad though as i've had a fabulous time at my mums and now it has came to bed time and the thoughts and urges have came back :( ive tried word games and things on my phone but nothing is working. I think im distracting as a compulsion? I'm fully aware that i distract myself to stop the thoughts, therefore I get worse and cannot actually concentrate on what i've distracted myself with. 

Try something a little more physical? I know that's hard at bedtime but!

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4 hours ago, HDC said:

Try something a little more physical? I know that's hard at bedtime but!

Really hard at night time. Usually for me its during the day where im at my worst but last night i was in an environment which my intrusive thoughts are centered around which didn't help. Do you ever get like physical feelings in your hands and things? 

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4 hours ago, Haayleey96 said:

Really hard at night time. Usually for me its during the day where im at my worst but last night i was in an environment which my intrusive thoughts are centered around which didn't help. Do you ever get like physical feelings in your hands and things? 

Definitely, as in anxious physical responses so I get very dizzy and blurry eyed, cold sweats, I shake sometimes feel my heart quicken etc?

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16 minutes ago, HDC said:

Definitely, as in anxious physical responses so I get very dizzy and blurry eyed, cold sweats, I shake sometimes feel my heart quicken etc?

Thats exactly what i'm like. I panic, do mental compulsions, can't breathe and shake x 

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I regularly go into 'shock' when I'm anxious or discussing my problems in therapy. Very cold, all over body shakes. In the past when I've been very ill, I have had groinal responses to sexual abuse thoughts, I've disassociated and had my hands move 'on their own'. I even have a 'nice' male voice in my head that kicks in should my stress levels rise too high. All these things were frightening. Are frightening. But there you go. I now view all these things as indicators or a signpost if you like, of how unwell I am, rather than what they 'mean'. They still upset me a lot though. 

I think my body has got so used to functioning in permanent fight or flight mode that I don't notice it until it gets really bad. I'm sure this must be true for a lot of people with chronic anxiety?

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4 hours ago, JennieWren said:

I regularly go into 'shock' when I'm anxious or discussing my problems in therapy. Very cold, all over body shakes. In the past when I've been very ill, I have had groinal responses to sexual abuse thoughts, I've disassociated and had my hands move 'on their own'. I even have a 'nice' male voice in my head that kicks in should my stress levels rise too high. All these things were frightening. Are frightening. But there you go. I now view all these things as indicators or a signpost if you like, of how unwell I am, rather than what they 'mean'. They still upset me a lot though. 

I think my body has got so used to functioning in permanent fight or flight mode that I don't notice it until it gets really bad. I'm sure this must be true for a lot of people with chronic anxiety?

I know exactly what you mean JennieWren, i've also had exactly those things happen before. Its terrifying. I need to learn how to do that, how to see it as a sign rather than worry about it. 

I know exactly what you mean. I say i've had a 'relapse' but have i actually? Or have i just thought i was getting better at dealing with it whilst actually making it worse? 

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Well I must remind myself that I am also stable at the moment so it's easy to say I do all these things. I do do them, but when I was really ill I just got repeatedly smashed over the head with them. So whose to say that won't happen again.

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6 hours ago, Haayleey96 said:

I say i've had a 'relapse' but have i actually? Or have i just thought i was getting better at dealing with it whilst actually making it worse? 

That's certainly worth thinking about. I hate how tricksy this illness is and how it keeps mutating.

I feel the same about my avoidance behaviours. I thought I was being sensible by 'taking it easy' but am I just hiding from the world? Is it just more OCD?

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9 hours ago, JennieWren said:

That's certainly worth thinking about. I hate how tricksy this illness is and how it keeps mutating.

I feel the same about my avoidance behaviours. I thought I was being sensible by 'taking it easy' but am I just hiding from the world? Is it just more OCD?

I hate it too. Thats exactly how i feel! Prior to this i was dealing with my thoughts in my own way, but i now feel that has made it all worse. 

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