Relapse...

[Haayleey96]

So sorry if i am annoying anyone with posts. I have been fine for months and now everything has hit me again. Could be a variety of reasons as to why- im not working, on a lot of medication and currently weaning off Tramadol. My harm thoughts have came back strong. They are there almost all of the time. I know that i'm giving them too much thought but i cannot help but obsess and ruminate Constantly trying to convince myself that i'm not what my thoughts say i am and im not going to do it. Im avoiding sharp knives and scissors (even the words give me the chills). Its so hard though when everything you see on TV these days are crimes. I don't want to sound utterly insane- but there's an ocd voice in my head telling me to do it? And i fight this. I get physical feelings in my hands. I'm so terrified that i'm just going to snap :(. 

I try saying to myself 'you stayed at your family's house last night and nothing happened' but its not working. My friend is staying at my house tomorrow, just me and her, and i am absolutely terrified of the thought of it. I cannot cope with myself Please help. 

[Haayleey96]

I usually love watching The Simpsons. I was trying to watch it to distract my mind but this episode was the Halloween episode and Homer is on about killing his family?! He goes into Moe's pub, asks for a beer and Moe replies " not unless you kill your family". It made me feel really uncomfortable & my stomach churn. Thank you Simpsons, really helpful ?NOT.