Having a tricky time but due to start therapy soon

[BelAnna]

Hello 

My OCD is being a real pain at the moment, particularly the 'magical thinking'/silly thoughts. I am finding it difficult to get dressed, to eat normally and to write/read/watch TV. 

I have given in to quite a few compulsions over the last couple of weeks and I am a bit scared that I might keep getting worse BUT I received a letter today for an initial appointment with the CMHT Counselling Psychologist (I previously had 5 years of therapy with a Clinical Psychologist and several series of CBT treatment with other therapists and at the ADRU in London) so I'm hopeful that things might improve. 

I was just wondering whether other people keep thought-behaviour record sheets? I remember having to fill in sheets with thoughts/behaviours years ago and wonder if it would be a good idea to start doing it again. 

 

 

 

[Emsie]

Hi BelAnna,

I'm sorry you're struggling right now but I'm really pleased to hear that you're due to start therapy soon, that's really great news. 

I'm afraid I don't know the answer to your question (I'm sure others will step in though), but I just wanted to say how pleased I am for you that you have therapy on the horizon. I'm so glad you're hopeful that things will improve. That's such a good thing because belief that things can change is a big part of the battle. 

I wish you every success with your therapy.

Em x

Edited November 18, 2017 by Emsie

[BelAnna]

Thanks so much for your lovely message Emsie! You're right that hope plays a big part in recovery. 

How are you? Are you still bossing back the OCD well? (it seemed like you were dealing with your OCD amazingly the last time I read one of your posts).

I hope things are going ok! x

 

[Emsie]

8 hours ago, BelAnna said:

Thanks so much for your lovely message Emsie! You're right that hope plays a big part in recovery. 

How are you? Are you still bossing back the OCD well? (it seemed like you were dealing with your OCD amazingly the last time I read one of your posts).

I hope things are going ok! x

 

Bless you, you're so welcome BelAnna. Thank you so much for your lovely words. Things were going well but I'm afraid I'm not too good right now and my OCD feels like its out of control and its morphed in to lots of areas. I will keep fighting though and looking forward to when my cbt starts. Thank you for asking. Take care and wishing you a good day. X

Edited November 19, 2017 by Emsie

[lostinme]

It’s great to hear that you are both waiting to start cbt  but I’m really sorry to hear you are both struggling at the mo 

When starting cbt, what kept me going was hope and sheer determination to fight this every step of the way no matter how difficult it was. I learnt that over the years my OCD took over me completely and just sitting back and hoping that things would improve and didn’t only becoming worse made me realise I had got to give this my all. I’d had different therapists and clinical psychologists over fifteen years with no improvement. I now know that all the talking in the world would not change anything. I’d never heard of or been offered cbt until starting with my new therapist 18 month ago and it sounded promising. At first it was scary going against my behaviours and my beliefs I’d had for all these years, but I continued to battle through regardless and as things started to improve and I started to see my progress little by little and how things were becoming a little easier the more determined I became to continue. 

Give it your all, never give up hope! 

Sheer courage, repetition, hope and determination will see you through! You will have setbacks and bad days along the way, which could be for 1/2/3 days however long it takes, but this is important and where you will learn the most and where your mindset begins to change.    Once you begin to see the little changes in your behaviour and your mind set the more determined you will become to keep going. Believe in yourself and praise yourself for every little step you take, I think this is a really important part. 

You can do this 

Wishing you all the very best, 

lost 

[Avo]

Hi Belanna, 

Sorry to hear your struggling. I am towards the end of my CBT and have been using worksheets recording the following

-Situation or trigger ( what situation or event triggers it)

-obsessions (thought image or impulse that bothers me)

-compulsions(what do I do to make myself feel better) 

-level of distress each provokes, on a scale of 0 - 100, and how long it takes until this distress starts to subside.

 

I have used these for a few months, I have found it useful, I have been recording my ERP experiences as I work through my hierarchy. Both when I perform compulsions and ideally when I don't and have seen the evidence suggests that although the spike in anxiety and distress can be very high if I can avoid performing the compulsions overall it comes down and next time the thought arrives it seems to causes me less distress. 

In terms of you doing this yourself while waiting for your treatment to start, I think in theory it could be useful, I do think it key that you do it correctly though, which sounds obvious but I think it can be a subtle difference sometimes as I have found myself. Do you have copies of any of the OCD books the charity recommends such as Break Free from OCD which I know Prof Salkovskis co wrote? or maybe the 4 steps? 

I think these are regarded as useful books for helping to tackle OCD. I think self help if done the right way is a positive step. 

[Avo]

Sorry to hear your struggling Emsie, do you have any of the books mentioned? - I know there are plenty of others but I know both of these are endorsed by the charity.  Are you any nearer starting your CBT. I think I remember you saying you had an update a few weeks ago saying you were moving up the list? 

[Emsie]

23 minutes ago, lostinme said:

It’s great to hear that you are both waiting to start cbt  but I’m really sorry to hear you are both struggling at the mo 

When starting cbt, what kept me going was hope and sheer determination to fight this every step of the way no matter how difficult it was. I learnt that over the years my OCD took over me completely and just sitting back and hoping that things would improve and didn’t only becoming worse made me realise I had got to give this my all. I’d had different therapists and clinical psychologists over fifteen years with no improvement. I now know that all the talking in the world would not change anything. I’d never heard of or been offered cbt until starting with my new therapist 18 month ago and it sounded promising. At first it was scary going against my behaviours and my beliefs I’d had for all these years, but I continued to battle through regardless and as things started to improve and I started to see my progress little by little and how things were becoming a little easier the more determined I became to continue. 

Give it your all, never give up hope! 

Sheer courage, repetition, hope and determination will see you through! You will have setbacks and bad days along the way, which could be for 1/2/3 days however long it takes, but this is important and where you will learn the most and where your mindset begins to change.    Once you begin to see the little changes in your behaviour and your mind set the more determined you will become to keep going. Believe in yourself and praise yourself for every little step you take, I think this is a really important part. 

You can do this 

Wishing you all the very best, 

lost 

Thank you so much Lost for all your words of encouragement, support and help for BelAnna and myself. Your journey is so inspiring and your kind words mean so much. All my best wishes to you x

[Emsie]

19 minutes ago, Avo said:

Sorry to hear your struggling Emsie, do you have any of the books mentioned? - I know there are plenty of others but I know both of these are endorsed by the charity.  Are you any nearer starting your CBT. I think I remember you saying you had an update a few weeks ago saying you were moving up the list? 

Thank you so much Avo. I do have Break Free from OCD, but if I'm being honest I haven't put my all in to reading it, mainly because I don't find the time with having a little one. Thank you, you're spot on, I got a letter a little while back saying I'm fourth on the waiting list. I rang them the other day to see how long it will be but they couldn't say as it depends on how long others need for their therapy, but she did estimate it might only be a couple more months. Hopefully after Christmas I'll get offered an appointment. Thank you so much Avo for your message. ?

[Emsie]

Wishing you a good day BelAnna. Stay strong lovely lady. Believe in yourself and I hope your therapy starts very soon. X

Edited November 19, 2017 by Emsie

[BelAnna]

10 hours ago, Emsie said:

Bless you, you're so welcome BelAnna. Thank you so much for your lovely words. Things were going well but I'm afraid I'm not too good right now and my OCD feels like its out of control and its morphed in to lots of areas. I will keep fighting though and looking forward to when my cbt starts. Thank you for asking. Take care and wishing you a good day. X

9 hours ago, Emsie said:

Wishing you a good day BelAnna. Stay strong lovely lady. Believe in yourself and I hope your therapy starts very soon. X

Oh I'm sorry, it can be so difficult to cope with, especially when it changes form and starts affecting more areas of your life. I really hope that the waiting list isn't too long and you get seen soon. 

Thanks again lovely, I've had a better day today- how was yours?

9 hours ago, Avo said:

Hi Belanna, 

Sorry to hear your struggling. I am towards the end of my CBT and have been using worksheets recording the following

-Situation or trigger ( what situation or event triggers it)

-obsessions (thought image or impulse that bothers me)

-compulsions(what do I do to make myself feel better) 

-level of distress each provokes, on a scale of 0 - 100, and how long it takes until this distress starts to subside.

 

I have used these for a few months, I have found it useful, I have been recording my ERP experiences as I work through my hierarchy. Both when I perform compulsions and ideally when I don't and have seen the evidence suggests that although the spike in anxiety and distress can be very high if I can avoid performing the compulsions overall it comes down and next time the thought arrives it seems to causes me less distress. 

In terms of you doing this yourself while waiting for your treatment to start, I think in theory it could be useful, I do think it key that you do it correctly though, which sounds obvious but I think it can be a subtle difference sometimes as I have found myself. Do you have copies of any of the OCD books the charity recommends such as Break Free from OCD which I know Prof Salkovskis co wrote? or maybe the 4 steps? 

I think these are regarded as useful books for helping to tackle OCD. I think self help if done the right way is a positive step. 

Thanks Avo! I think I will try to start using those type of worksheets again (I think that I can access some on the getselfhelp website). 

I don't have 'Break free from OCD' but I might buy it and I don't remember the 4 steps so better look them up again! 

Thanks so much for your help!

10 hours ago, lostinme said:

It’s great to hear that you are both waiting to start cbt  but I’m really sorry to hear you are both struggling at the mo 

When starting cbt, what kept me going was hope and sheer determination to fight this every step of the way no matter how difficult it was. I learnt that over the years my OCD took over me completely and just sitting back and hoping that things would improve and didn’t only becoming worse made me realise I had got to give this my all. I’d had different therapists and clinical psychologists over fifteen years with no improvement. I now know that all the talking in the world would not change anything. I’d never heard of or been offered cbt until starting with my new therapist 18 month ago and it sounded promising. At first it was scary going against my behaviours and my beliefs I’d had for all these years, but I continued to battle through regardless and as things started to improve and I started to see my progress little by little and how things were becoming a little easier the more determined I became to continue. 

Give it your all, never give up hope! 

Sheer courage, repetition, hope and determination will see you through! You will have setbacks and bad days along the way, which could be for 1/2/3 days however long it takes, but this is important and where you will learn the most and where your mindset begins to change.    Once you begin to see the little changes in your behaviour and your mind set the more determined you will become to keep going. Believe in yourself and praise yourself for every little step you take, I think this is a really important part. 

You can do this 

Wishing you all the very best, 

lost 

Thank you Lost! That's amazing that you've been doing so well with the CBT and really put your all into it!  It's inspiring to hear and I hope that I can do the same. I will also take on board your advice about praising myself for little steps too! 

 

[Emsie]

3 minutes ago, BelAnna said:

Oh I'm sorry, it can be so difficult to cope with, especially when it changes form and starts affecting more areas of your life. I really hope that the waiting list isn't too long and you get seen soon. 

Thanks again lovely, I've had a better day today- how was yours?

Thank you so much BelAnna, you're so right it is difficult when it changes and it's affecting too many areas of my life right now. I know if I curb my compulsions I can gradually reduce the areas it's affecting. I can see where I've made mistakes and given belief to my thoughts so I see that as a good thing. Thank you so much, I really hope your therapy starts very soon for you too. 

I'm so pleased that you've had a better day today, that's such great news. Me too and I resisted a major compulsion, so I feel pleased about that and as Lost said we need to praise ourselves for every little step. A massive well done to you for having a much better day today lovely lady. So pleased for you. 

Wishing you a good day tomorrow too and rest well tonight. X 

[BelAnna]

12 hours ago, Emsie said:

Thank you so much BelAnna, you're so right it is difficult when it changes and it's affecting too many areas of my life right now. I know if I curb my compulsions I can gradually reduce the areas it's affecting. I can see where I've made mistakes and given belief to my thoughts so I see that as a good thing. Thank you so much, I really hope your therapy starts very soon for you too. 

I'm so pleased that you've had a better day today, that's such great news. Me too and I resisted a major compulsion, so I feel pleased about that and as Lost said we need to praise ourselves for every little step. A massive well done to you for having a much better day today lovely lady. So pleased for you. 

Wishing you a good day tomorrow too and rest well tonight. X 

That's brilliant! well done for resisting the compulsion! You are right about reducing the compulsions to reduce the areas of affected by OCD. I think that  I have been giving in to the compulsions too much recently. What do you do to distract yourself from the OCD thoughts?

How long have you been waiting for CBT? It's good that you've already made a start on reducing the compulsions before you've started treatment!

Hope you have a really good day today! 

[lostinme]

So glad to hear your both feeling a little better  let’s hope it’s good day for us all today 

Well done Emsie, that’s great news! keep going a little at a time, you can do this 

[taurean]

One step at a time is good. 

And when you have OCD-UK's resident cheerleader on the case, that's real encouragement. 

 

 

[Emsie]

11 hours ago, BelAnna said:

That's brilliant! well done for resisting the compulsion! You are right about reducing the compulsions to reduce the areas of affected by OCD. I think that  I have been giving in to the compulsions too much recently. What do you do to distract yourself from the OCD thoughts?

How long have you been waiting for CBT? It's good that you've already made a start on reducing the compulsions before you've started treatment!

Hope you have a really good day today! 

Hi BelAnna, thank you so much, that's so kind of you. Me too, I've found myself in this position of OCD moving in to more areas because I've given in to easily to compulsions and fed the monster. 

I have a 2 year old so she's a good distraction but when it's bad I have to keep really busy to distract myself. And I have to make myself do things as I have no desire to when I feel so anxious. Time alone is the worst for ruminating. I play music then for distraction. I talk loads to my daughter and narrate everything, which is of course for her too but I ramp that up for distraction. If she's asleep in the day, I will talk to my cats about what I'm doing and I try to keep super busy. For example, looking in a receipe book for new meal ideas. I also come on to the forum and read to learn to try to keep my mind busy on other things and not my fears. Christmas shopping and planning will be a big distraction too. 

I've not been waiting too long for CBT, since about the beginning of August I think. Thank you so much, I've learnt so much from all the amazing people on this forum to help me reduce my compulsions before I start therapy. I don't have a hierarchy plan or anything, I just try to resist them as they arise. Mixed success, but some. 

Thank you, today has been better but then we've been at home lots today, so triggers weren't really there. But, I've put one fear to bed, I hope, from not ruminating further. 

I hope you've had a really good day today lovely. X

[Emsie]

10 hours ago, lostinme said:

So glad to hear your both feeling a little better  let’s hope it’s good day for us all today 

Well done Emsie, that’s great news! keep going a little at a time, you can do this 

Bless you Lost, thank you so much for all your kind words and encouragement. Hope you've had a really good day. ? X

8 hours ago, taurean said:

One step at a time is good. 

And when you have OCD-UK's resident cheerleader on the case, that's real encouragement. 

 

 

Thank you so much Roy. 

It so is the best encouragement. ?

[lostinme]

11 minutes ago, Emsie said:

Bless you Lost, thank you so much for all your kind words and encouragement. Hope you've had a really good day. ? X

Bless you Emsie, your more than welcome, your doing so well

 keep up the good work, one small step at a time and never give up hope. 

 Its not been the best of days for me, my little doggy isn’t well, she has colitis and is bleeding from both ends due to infection, so feeling a little low myself today. I’ve managed to do my homework still, but I found it a little harder 

best wishes as always, lost x 

[lostinme]

9 hours ago, taurean said:

One step at a time is good. 

And when you have OCD-UK's resident cheerleader on the case, that's real encouragement. 

 

 

Thank you Roy, I think encouragement is good for us all 

All for one and one for all 

[Emsie]

9 minutes ago, lostinme said:

Bless you Emsie, your more than welcome, your doing so well

 keep up the good work, one small step at a time and never give up hope. 

 Its not been the best of days for me, my little doggy isn’t well, she has colitis and is bleeding from both ends due to infection, so feeling a little low myself today. I’ve managed to do my homework still, but I found it a little harder 

best wishes as always, lost x 

Thank you so much again for all your lovely kind words Lost, absolutely, I will never give up hope.

Oh Lost, I'm so sorry to hear that your little doggy isn't well. Poor love. I hope she recovers very soon from it. I'm sorry you're feeling a little low yourself, when our beloved pets aren't well we are bound to be affected by it because we love them and care about them. That's so brilliant you did your homework today, I'm sorry it felt a little harder. You are so strong and determined, you are doing so amazingly well.

Take care, best wishes as always and wishing you and your gorgeous doggy a much better day tomorrow X 

[lostinme]

Thank you Emsie, you are such a lovely kind lady 

It’s so hard when our beloved pets are ill ? and she literally hates vets visits, but needs must. She had to have two injections and two sets of tablets, but hopefully they will start working soon and she will be feeling back to her old self again. 

Just giving her lots and lots of tlc and cuddles bless her 

Take care, Best wishes always and hope tomorrow is a good day for us all x

[Emsie]

1 minute ago, lostinme said:

Thank you Emsie, you are such a lovely kind lady 

It’s so hard when our beloved pets are ill ? and she literally hates vets visits, but needs must. She had to have two injections and two sets of tablets, but hopefully they will start working soon and she will be feeling back to her old self again. 

Just giving her lots and lots of tlc and cuddles bless her 

Take care, Best wishes always and hope tomorrow is a good day for us all x

Bless you Lost, thank you so much. 

It is so hard when they are ill and they can't tell us how they are feeling. Yes, I know that reaction to the vets, my girl cat is the same. It's good that she's had her medication and that will fight the infection and I hope she's back to herself really, really soon. 

I bet she's loving all the tlc and  cuddles from you. 

Thank you, take care too, all my best wishes to you as always and hoping tomorrow is a good day for us all too. X

[taurean]

We are now thinking of getting another cat ? 

I am looking forward to holding interviews for the position. Job spec. 

Must be at least 6 years old, of either gender. 

Must not be fussy over food, be tidy when using loo tray, be strong-minded enough to see off other cats, but soft enough to be a lap cat. 

Certificate of good mousing capability would be desirable. 

Benefits - full board and permitted to sleep by mistresses' side. Good quality food and drink plus petplan private medical insurance. Nice garden plus catflap. Microchip will be provided in case get lost. 

 

 

Edited November 20, 2017 by taurean

[lostinme]

3 minutes ago, taurean said:

We are now thinking of getting another cat ? 

I am looking forward to holding interviews for the position. Job spec. 

Must be at least 6 years old, of either gender. 

Must not be fussy over food, be tidy when using loo tray, be strong-minded enough to see off other cats, but soft enough to be a lap cat. 

Certificate of good mousing capability would be desirable. 

Benefits - full board and permitted to sleep by mistresses' side. Good quality food and drink plus petplan private medical insurance. Nice garden plus catflap. Microchip will be provided in case get lost. 

 

 

Oh bless you Roy, that’s wonderful news 

I think pets are an amazing addition to any family, their love is unconditional and they ask nothing in return 

 

[Emsie]

That is lovely news, Roy. ?