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How Do I Let Go?


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Because I've  now had so many intrusive thoughts related to so many different people and situations, almost anything can be a trigger to remind me of the original  intrusive thought and get me back to square 1 ruminating on it all over again. Also when I think I'm safe and have considered the thought properly from all angles and am ready to let it go,my mind ends up sending me new information and ideas as to why the thought could be true and I'm terrified back to the exact same place I started. I know the simple answer is to just let all the ideas and thoughts go and view them as having no meaning but how? I find it so hard not to ruminate and consider my thoughts to try to make sense of them and then get rid of them but of course it never quite works out that way.

I think it's mainly guilt that pulls me right back from my recovery each time to be honest. The guilt of possibly having caused such pain to someone else. How can I let this go? I've always been sensitive and cared about other people's feelings so how can I live my life fully and be happy if my mind keeps sending me these horrible thoughts. I wouldn't deserve any form of happiness if the thoughts are true so how can I possibly move forward?   

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5 hours ago, Oceanblue said:

I know the simple answer is to just let all the ideas and thoughts go and view them as having no meaning but how?

I've done this successfully by agreeing with them. I had urges and obsessions around sexually abusing my baby. In the end I said to every thought, "yes you are right". I agreed with the whole lot. And pop the whole thing went away! If I can agree with thoughts about raping my own baby, then I believe you can do the same however bad it seems to do it.

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I'll tell you what you do. You forgive yourself. Even if you haven't done anything wrong, forgive yourself and move on. I did. It was freeing. 

Nowhere is it written that you should punish yourself for the rest of your life just in case you did something wrong. But that's exactly what you are doing. Would you expect the same from your parents, partner or best friend?

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5 hours ago, Oceanblue said:

t's mainly guilt that pulls me right back from my recovery each time to be honest. The guilt of possibly having caused such pain to someone else.

I think you need to reframe how you think about this idea of 'guilt' and 'pain'. You are turning other people into complete victims. This is neither right or fair on them. You give them no room for self development, forgiveness, strength of character, or resilience. You worry about destroying people's lives, giving no thought to the shades of grey in any real life experience, however terrible. This is typical OCD black and white thinking in my opinion.

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Hi Oceanblue. The world is chockablock full of people falling over themselves to be outraged by everybody and everything. If you’re a decent sort, (and you must be considering how hypersensitive you are to the feelings of others), then you doubtless go about your business not intentionally causing pain. And that’s absolutely all that can reasonably be expected of any of us. If someone chooses to become offended, we decide whether they have just cause and we either apologise or shrug our shoulders and say ‘hard luck pal!’. Either way, the onus is on the individual to process their emotions. We are only responsible for how we feel. For instance today, you can feel liberated in the knowledge that you don’t need to fret about the delicate sensibilities of anyone else.

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In response to your question Polar Bear..the simple answer is no, I wouldn't . The past is in the past and all we truly have is the here and now. I have been making a special effort to go forward with this positivity and made the decision to no longer be a slave to my anxiety. It won't be easy but nothing worth having in life is. I have to keep fighting and not let this horrible disorder destroy any more precious time. Thank you so much for your ongoing  wealth of knowledge and advice I truly do appreciate immensely.

 

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I’m sorry to be saying this but today has been a massive failure :( I was trying my best to control my memory checking and reassurance seeking behaviour. I got more intrusions about a previous intrusive thought coming from different angles and viewpoints as to how the thought may actually be true. It basically started with me thinking that a)maybe I really disliked the person at the time and thought they were really unpleasant and maybe I had wanted to punish them or inflict harm on them in some way for being so unpleasant or b)perhaps because I was a young girl who had practically no self-esteem and been treated like a nobody by others I may have wanted to inflict harm to have the feeling of power and being in control for once. I know I would never do this now and even thinking it makes me feel sick to my stomach but because it’s so long ago I feel like I can’t be sure. Also it feels like an absolute sin to be thinking this way as the person in my thought was a lovely,amazing person who I love dearly but because I was only a child back then and didn’t understand her condition I can’t be sure how I felt back then. What sort of a person does that make me? If I can even think I was capable of causing such harm and truly believing and thinking these things back then :( If I really was,I don’t even deserve to live. It feels like my Brian is tormenting me constantly and no matter how hard I try to stay strong and resist ,the nastier the thoughts get and at the moment my mind just doesn’t seem to be strong enough to rule anything out and say ‘no this is just anxiety and ocd playing mind games again’ This is what scares me the most! ?

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To sum up what you wrote above, you've been working on stopping your compulsions but you got some newish intrusive thoughts and that led to you performing compulsions. Now you feel worse. See how that works? All the rest of your post is the result of ruminating. Your brain will come up with new variations on a theme and you have to be prepared for them. You have to stop the compulsions right then and there and get on with the rest of your day. You do NOT have to respond to the thoughts, even if they are new and never brought up before. You can leave them alone and let them die from apathy.

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I know you’re right Polar bear but it just all makes me feel like such a terrible person. This is normal in OCD isn’t it? It can play mind games on you to distort your thinking and make even the most awful of thoughts seem so real and believable?  I just feel so scared that maybe my experience is different

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Everybody thinks their current obsession is worse than anything they've experienced. Everyone goes through bouts of thinking their OCD isn't OCD at all, even when the evidence is basically blaring at them on a neon-infested billboard right in front of their face.

Yes, it's all normal. And of course the thoughts feel real. They come from the same place as all your other thoughts, your brain. If the thoughts seemed fake you wouldn't have a disorder.

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Yes I suppose this is the whole problem as you so correctly pointed out Polar. My thing at the moment seems to be that I keep feeling the need to repeat the new viewpoints in my head as to why intrusive thought may be real and see how it fits,over and over and over.  When I’m with others or in a public place I feel the urge to disappear to the restroom just so I can repeat the viewpoints in my head and address them in order to get on with the rest of the day. If I momentarily start feeling normal and at ease again my mind questions it and then the same thoughts emerge.

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I know you’re right Polar and I am trying really hard not to give in but part of my mind is telling me that by resisting this I’m somehow burying it in the sand or that I’m running away from it which is maybe indicating that the thoughts maybe more likely to be true as that’s maybe  something that someone with actual guilt would do?  

I’m completely torn at the moment as just before I went to bed last night I just got a random thought again about a film we got years ago from a time just after when my intrusive thought is based. My mind was begging me to memory check and remember how I felt during watching it but I told myself to just focus on other things and try to get some sleep. This morning the urge to memory check was still there and I’m sorry to say that I did give in and now I think I can only remember watching bits and pieces of it now I’m questioning why. Was it because I knew I had done something bad and my mind was distracted by worry or guilt?  I’m trying to remember if I felt anxiety at the time but I just can’t seem to figure it out. My mind is begging me to think more deeply again but I’m currently trying my best not to give into it.

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Hi Oceanblue, I just wanted to say that I've read your posts and I could've written them myself.  I have exactly the same thoughts, and then the feelings of doubt and guilt that creep in making me think my worries were right, feeling that I don't deserve to be happy and enjoy things and even the trying to address the issue and get it sorted in my mind just for it to pop back up again.

I've been trying to not give into it and using mindfulness techniques suggested by my therapist to try and manage the anxiety which is definitely helping and works for a while but then I still end up reacting to similar 'threats' as they arise, I'll think I could have possibly inadvertently caused harm or upset to someone, and then I'll end up bringing the old worries up again.  I'm on the waiting list for CBT which I know won't be easy but am hoping it will help by giving me some tools to deal with these thoughts.  I have also downloaded the Break Free from OCD book which I'm reading through and is definitely worth a read.

I just wanted to let you know you're not alone with this but I'm sure we can get it under control with a bit of work!! :)

Edited by leil
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OCD, which is nothing more than your own brain run amok, will try it's best to drag you into ruminating over nonsensical things. That's what it dies. You have to teach that faulty part of your brain not to do that. The way you accomplish it is by paying no attention to the thoughts and urges to ruminate.

It's also not an overnight thing. It will take usually months of trying before you see positive results.

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Thank you so much It means so much to know that I’m not alone and that other people are suffering from similiar problems even though I wouldn’t wish this nightmare on my worst enemy. I wish you all the best in your recovery Leila. 

Thanks for your reply Polar. My whole body is tensed up by the anxiety and the urge to want to ruminate and I feel nauseous but  I’m trying my best not to give into it and to distract my attention to something else. I am having overwhelming feelings that I don’t even deserve to live cause thoughts  are so disgusting but I’m doing my best to fight my way through the day regardless.

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42 minutes ago, Oceanblue said:

Thank you so much It means so much to know that I’m not alone and that other people are suffering from similiar problems even though I wouldn’t wish this nightmare on my worst enemy. I wish you all the best in your recovery Leila. 

Thanks for your reply Polar. My whole body is tensed up by the anxiety and the urge to want to ruminate and I feel nauseous but  I’m trying my best not to give into it and to distract my attention to something else. I am having overwhelming feelings that I don’t even deserve to live cause thoughts  are so disgusting but I’m doing my best to fight my way through the day regardless.

Hope your OK ocean, I can relate to a lot of what you are saying. The absolute doubt and turmoil is something else isn't it. Try to relax a bit of you can and take on board the good advice...easier said than done I know!! Hope you feel better soon x

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Oceanblue have you tried Headspace?  I've been using it and at first I was a bit cynical but I've definitely found some of the techniques really, really useful.  One of the techniques 'noting' is a way of labelling thoughts, feelings and emotions as they pop up and the more you practice it the easier it is to do.  Over time it means you're able to almost separate yourself to the thoughts by just acknowledging them and then moving on without reacting to them.  Another tip my CPN suggested is to think of the mind as a teflon pan, let thoughts come in but don't let them stick, just imagine them sliding straight back out again.  I find that helps sometimes too.  Don't let the thoughts beat you, don't fight them but don't react. Easier said than done, I know that all too well, but it's true! Good luck :)

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