Can ocd latch onto a real event including trauma?

[Donnahoney1]

I suffered a trauma as a child (sexual) and very often get obsessive thoughts about it which have never really gone away, iv had counselling but they seem to have started after that. My thoughts are always about the actual trauma and are always questions (sexual) that I feel I need to answer. Like what age do we do this or that and I really don't know how to tell my cbt therapist these things incase she is not prepared to hear obsessive thoughts like this? Any advice?

[OceanDweller]

Hi Donna. I’m very sorry to hear that you’re experiencing such suffering as a consequence of this most ghastly of childhood traumas. Please do divulge all to your therapist. If she cannot, or will not, support you through processing these thoughts, then she is not the correct therapist for you. You deserve to find peace. I wish you every happiness.

[Lish]

Yep. This is what I've been going through for years. Sorry about what happened to you. I agree with above make sure you find a therapist who can work through this with you. It's mental torture.

[Donnahoney1]

It is definitely mental torture these are the only thoughts that really bother me and have done so for over a year now, any other thought I can just let pass but these are sticking around. I will try and tell her In a gentle way today, they are horrible. I don't even want to answer them to be honest I think my ocd has just latched on to this event.

[Lish]

I'm exactly the same!! Any other thought I can just dismiss really but this one is always the one that comes back. I believe this thought was the reason for my relapse hence why it's the hardest to deal with. Maybe it's the same for you? I think it's good how you're refusing to answer them. Good for you. Unlike me who just gets in to the same argument in my head every time.

[Donnahoney1]

Snap! It feels like I need to figure out my childhood for some reason, but I know it's just ocd, I don't really need to know these things wish they would go away. Have you had any help for yours?

[Lish]

Yes it's definitely ocd. Trying to figure stuff out is ruminating and is a bad compulsion. You'd never be satisfied with an answer. 

I went for CBT last year however I don't believe I got the right therapist. She was always wanting me to analyse my past and childhood etc but when I do that my ocd just starts arguing with itself. I'm trying to get back to start acceptance commitment therapy I think that's will work best for me.

Have you?

[Donnahoney1]

Iv just started cbt but I'm a little scared of mentioning my thoughts to her incase she's shocked! Cbt has worked for me in the past but iv never been able to tell anyone these thoughts which is probably why I relapsed.

[Lish]

Honestly I can promise you now your therapist will have heard it all. I was scared. My therapist asked me exactly what thoughts I suffered with. I had to tell her I had awful thoughts about harming people, killing people, becoming a paedophile, changing my sexuality, harming myself. I'm not scared to say them now because they're ridiculous and some even funny. I told her I was scared to tell her and her response was there is nothing you can tell me that I haven't heard a thousand times. Tell your therapist:) you can also message me any time  it sounds like we struggle with the same thing. 

[Donnahoney1]

Yes I'd like that very much, it would be nice having someone to talk to! ? I will definitely pluck up the courage today and tell her in the kindest way I can, I really have to get these thoughts out, by the way every thought you mentioned there Iv had a million times over!! I'm pretty much done with those, every time one of those enters my mind I tell it where to go!! 

[Lish]

Excellent. Sometimes all you need is someone to talk to. Especially helps when they've been through the same as you. Good luck getting the thoughts out you will feel so much better x

[Donnahoney1]

I managed to say some of my thoughts out loud to my therapist which was excruciating embarrassing especially when she kept repeating them to me! ? They mustn't of been that bad after all, iv got a few more to get out of my head yet so that's my goal for next week when I see her again, got some good advice as well- to find something you enjoy doing in life, something that uses your creativity and distracts you and your thoughts will eventually fade into the background. When we are not doing anything we become too focused on ourself and our problems/thoughts which makes it worse. I didn't know also that ocd changes form? 

[Lish]

Brilliant @Donnahoney1 well done for doing that! She probably repeated them back to you for some kind of exposure (a good tool to deal with ocd). Yes I agree with her, finding a hobby or a purpose in life is a great way to heal from ocd. I haven't found mine yet yes it does. I've had every theme in ocd. That's why it's important to tackle the OCD head on rather than focus on whatever theme it is throwing at you.

[Donnahoney1]

I haven't found mine neither! How do you tackle the ocd when it changes form though? That's what iv struggled with. 

[Lish]

That's exactly what I'm struggling with at the moment too. Sometimes my theme even changes every day! Very hard to do when your mind is clouded by ocd