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Struggling to pet my dog.


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9 minutes ago, Caramoole said:

That's because that's what you tell yourself in your head.  You probably think things like "I don't deserve to get better because I'm an evil, sick person"....that shows that you don't yet accept that this is OCD and that it's you.  Again, it's back to accepting the advice that's been given by your therapist and those of us here.  Yes, it may feel doubtful to you but to start you have to accept the probability that what we say is true.  Whichever way you throw it, the book always comes back to you to make that first step....even with the doubts.

I see, I understand. Now I’m ready to give myself a second chance, let’s see how much I keep on going with this mentality. Thank you, Caramoole.

P.S: Before bed, I plan to go through some of the advice given.

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Well you should go through the advice given (I mean in a nice way) because as I've said before you are in a better place than a lot of long-term sufferers were when there were no forums like this.

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That’s good lily, re read all the advice offered, slowly but surely you can begin to make small changes :yes:

We can be here to offer you help, support and advice, but unfortunately we can’t take that first step for you, only you can do that :yes:

lets hope tomorrow can be a new start for you :)

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14 hours ago, PhilM said:

Well you should go through the advice given (I mean in a nice way) because as I've said before you are in a better place than a lot of long-term sufferers were when there were no forums like this.

I’m aware of that, Phil. It’s such a privilege to me and many others, I can’t even imagine how hard it was when there was no internet and that... so sorry :( I’ll go through the advice :) 

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12 hours ago, lostinme said:

That’s good lily, re read all the advice offered, slowly but surely you can begin to make small changes :yes:

We can be here to offer you help, support and advice, but unfortunately we can’t take that first step for you, only you can do that :yes:

lets hope tomorrow can be a new start for you :)

Thank you so much lost hope that too :) x

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Hi... as some of you all know, my OCD is also about my dog, who I’ve been afraid to even touch lately but yesterday I was able to do it replacing the thoughts with another thoughts (i think this is bad but it’s the only way i can touch him) 

This morning he jumped onto my bed and at first I was afraid to touch him so I moved my leg under the blankets in the opposite side because if I touched him, it would be for sexual reasons :( and doing that movement, the blanket touched him... then I’ve been petting him thinking “i love you so much i don’t want to touch you for sexual reasons”, “you’re my baby aww you’re so cute” but having groinal responses all the damn time and then maybe I try to touch him without thinking and I get a thought and I’m like “noooo, nooo, nooo i don’t want that” and really now I’m left thinking one of those times I touched him were for sexual reasons because one of them I was like “if i touched his neck it would be for sexual reasons” and then I touched him because he looked so cute looking back at me and I thought “you’re so cute my baby” trying not to think about those reasons but does this mean i touched him with that purpose? This magical thinking **** has me feeling so low because I don’t know if it means I’ve touched him with that purpose now one of the times I just didn’t think? 

Also groinal responses are the worst it’s like I think “do I like this?” :( I just want to be with him as always I love him so much I hate OCD

Edited by lily17
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I understand your uncomfort here Lily, I know OCD is so gripping and difficult to deal with but you need to take a step back and not engage with the thoughts AT all, I know it's difficult and very scary but you need to remind yourself that OCD themes have nothing to do with you, so just leave them be and you'll gradually feel back to normal! 

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3 minutes ago, HDC said:

I understand your uncomfort here Lily, I know OCD is so gripping and difficult to deal with but you need to take a step back and not engage with the thoughts AT all, I know it's difficult and very scary but you need to remind yourself that OCD themes have nothing to do with you, so just leave them be and you'll gradually feel back to normal! 

I wish I could... the magical thinking is so bad now the other day I couldn’t touch any of my relatives it was so overwhelming because if I did, then it was for sexual reasons! I believe that I’m obsessed, which is all OCD I suppose... don’t you feel evil sometimes? It’s really scary :( thank you HCD.

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3 minutes ago, lily17 said:

I wish I could... the magical thinking is so bad now the other day I couldn’t touch any of my relatives it was so overwhelming because if I did, then it was for sexual reasons! I believe that I’m obsessed, which is all OCD I suppose... don’t you feel evil sometimes? It’s really scary :( thank you HCD.

100%. My main topic is harm so, it's aim is to make you feel evil, or dangerous or disgusting so you partake in compulsions... but you don't need to :) the thoughts don't mean anything, it's just a silly obsession. And I know it's scary :( i used to avoid touching people too, but you have to push past the fear and remind yourself that the topic means nothing... !

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13 minutes ago, HDC said:

100%. My main topic is harm so, it's aim is to make you feel evil, or dangerous or disgusting so you partake in compulsions... but you don't need to :) the thoughts don't mean anything, it's just a silly obsession. And I know it's scary :( i used to avoid touching people too, but you have to push past the fear and remind yourself that the topic means nothing... !

Yeah but the scariest thing is when you feel like you want to. I‘ve just been through this silly situation where I was getting a can out of the fridge and it was stuck, then my grandma showed up and she was next to me talking to me and also getting something out of the fridge and I got the thought “if you touch her, it will be for sexual reasons” and I got paralyzed but had to move to get the can and I touched her and the worst is that I felt like I wanted to :( how do I deal with this type of thoughts? It’s horrible 

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Just now, lily17 said:

Yeah but the scariest thing is when you feel like you want to. I‘ve just been through this silly situation where I was getting a can out of the fridge and it was stuck, then my grandma showed up and she was next to me talking to me and also getting something out of the fridge and I got the thought “if you touch her, it will be for sexual reasons” and I got paralyzed but had to move to get the can and I touched her and the worst is that I felt like I wanted to :( how do I deal with this type of thoughts? It’s horrible 

The 'I wanted to' thoughts are still part of the obsession... which doesn't mean anything so just accept it and say part of my silly obsession, Doesn't mean anything and deliberately carry on doing whatever you were doing, trying not to be phased at all! :) it's hard but it gets easier the more you do it! 

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8 minutes ago, HDC said:

The 'I wanted to' thoughts are still part of the obsession... which doesn't mean anything so just accept it and say part of my silly obsession, Doesn't mean anything and deliberately carry on doing whatever you were doing, trying not to be phased at all! :) it's hard but it gets easier the more you do it! 

 I’ll try to dismiss this type of thoughts the next time although I’m getting them more and more (because I keep giving them meaning, I’m afraid) thank you, you helped me so much!

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4 minutes ago, lily17 said:

 I’ll try to dismiss this type of thoughts the next time although I’m getting them more and more (because I keep giving them meaning, I’m afraid) thank you, you helped me so much!

It takes commitment, it's hard! Don't feel like you've failed if you give in sometimes, just remember for next time to keep at it and dismiss them! :) it's okay! No worries! Whenever you need reminders, we are all here! 

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2 hours ago, HDC said:

It takes commitment, it's hard! Don't feel like you've failed if you give in sometimes, just remember for next time to keep at it and dismiss them! :) it's okay! No worries! Whenever you need reminders, we are all here! 

Thank you so much HDC :) 

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I’m so anxious right now because I asked my dog to jump onto the sofa, then I noticed he would jump onto my crotch as he usually does and I told him no because if he did it, then I would’ve asked him for sexual reasons but he jumped onto it anyway and he was laying next to me and my thigh was near his bum/back paws and I touched him briefly and I wasn’t supposed to even do it because it would mean sexual reasons, I don’t know if I touched him accidentally and then I had that thought or what order I don’t know what order because my mind is a mess the thing is that I did it and now I’m fearful I might have touched his crotch oh my god I’ve sexually  abused him!!!!! ?

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lily, ever day, usually several times a day, you come to the forum and tell us a story about touching someone or your dog and sexual thoughts and questions about liking it. Every day. We've told you it is not in your best interest to do that. It's not helping you to come here and repeat the same thing, over and over again. I know the latest incident is scary, etc, but you just keep repeating yourself every time. Every time it's the worst it's been, you feel low, you're in tears, you can't take it anymore, etc. It never changes.

We have given you advice on how to stop this and start working on a plan to deal with these thoughts effectively but you are not doing it. You keep yourself stuck in this cycle of freaking out over every incident. It's not working!

You've got to stop looking at each individual incident as this terrible thing. They're all the same. You are being triggered by touching and you get intrusive thoughts. Your mind then goes in overdrive as you try to figure out if you liked that situation or not. Same thing, every time. It was OCD the first time you posted about it and it's still OCD today. Accept that.

Now are you going to start making changes or are you going to keep going in the same, fruitless cycle? The mods will not allow you to endlessly post like this. It has to stop, and soon.

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1 hour ago, PolarBear said:

lily, ever day, usually several times a day, you come to the forum and tell us a story about touching someone or your dog and sexual thoughts and questions about liking it. Every day. We've told you it is not in your best interest to do that. It's not helping you to come here and repeat the same thing, over and over again. I know the latest incident is scary, etc, but you just keep repeating yourself every time. Every time it's the worst it's been, you feel low, you're in tears, you can't take it anymore, etc. It never changes.

We have given you advice on how to stop this and start working on a plan to deal with these thoughts effectively but you are not doing it. You keep yourself stuck in this cycle of freaking out over every incident. It's not working!

You've got to stop looking at each individual incident as this terrible thing. They're all the same. You are being triggered by touching and you get intrusive thoughts. Your mind then goes in overdrive as you try to figure out if you liked that situation or not. Same thing, every time. It was OCD the first time you posted about it and it's still OCD today. Accept that.

Now are you going to start making changes or are you going to keep going in the same, fruitless cycle? The mods will not allow you to endlessly post like this. It has to stop, and soon.

Thank you, PolarBear. I'm trying not to ruminate about it and just label it as another OCD event... since it's happening to me with almost everyone I care about, the same thought 'i'm not allowed to touch them because then it means sexual reasons etc' it's completely exhausting, like I'm playing this game all the time and every single time my result is game over. I have to start making changes, I have to start now. I have to be strong once and for all, damn it. 

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1 hour ago, lily17 said:

like I'm playing this game all the time and every single time my result is game over. I have to start making changes, I have to start now. I have to be strong once and for all, damn it. 

You do Lily.....you have to take some steps to deal with this.  We can't just let you keep on making this type of post every couple of hours.

Much as we know how absolutely horrible this is for you, you have had a great deal of advice both as to the cause of these thoughts (OCD), what steps you can start to take to begin to improve matters and very importantly, how your current reactions are what is making you feel this way and get worse with every passing day.

You won't open the forum one day and find that one nugget of information that will switch on a lightbulb and make this stop.  The next step has to come from you.  Make no mistake, it will make you very anxious, there's no way round that but if you work around the anxiety without resorting to compulsions to bring it down, things can and will get better for you.

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12 hours ago, Caramoole said:

You do Lily.....you have to take some steps to deal with this.  We can't just let you keep on making this type of post every couple of hours.

Much as we know how absolutely horrible this is for you, you have had a great deal of advice both as to the cause of these thoughts (OCD), what steps you can start to take to begin to improve matters and very importantly, how your current reactions are what is making you feel this way and get worse with every passing day.

You won't open the forum one day and find that one nugget of information that will switch on a lightbulb and make this stop.  The next step has to come from you.  Make no mistake, it will make you very anxious, there's no way round that but if you work around the anxiety without resorting to compulsions to bring it down, things can and will get better for you.

Thank you, Caramoole... I will try even though I’m extremely weak and any tiny thing makes my anxiety go through the roof :( 

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25 minutes ago, lily17 said:

Thank you, Caramoole... I will try even though I’m extremely weak and any tiny thing makes my anxiety go through the roof :( 

It'll be hard because you have an anxiety disorder so you'll feel you need to panic but you don't 

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36 minutes ago, HDC said:

It'll be hard because you have an anxiety disorder so you'll feel you need to panic but you don't 

Does it ever happen to you, that when you don’t panic then you think it’s because you’re enjoying whatever thought/situation? It can get really frightening ?

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Just now, lily17 said:

Does it ever happen to you, that when you don’t panic then you think it’s because you’re enjoying whatever thought/situation? It can get really frightening ?

That's the OCD telling you you're enjoying it, it will do WHATEVER it can to scare you :/ ignore it!

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Just now, HDC said:

That's the OCD telling you you're enjoying it, it will do WHATEVER it can to scare you :/ ignore it!

Sometimes I can even feel my mouth morphing into a smile and I swear I get scared ********. OCD never ceases to amaze me at how real it can feel. Thank you for responding me :) I’m trying my best to ignore it 

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17 minutes ago, lily17 said:

Sometimes I can even feel my mouth morphing into a smile and I swear I get scared ********. OCD never ceases to amaze me at how real it can feel. Thank you for responding me :) I’m trying my best to ignore it 

It's okay; I'm ruminating a bit today and sometimes need to take my own advise so it's good for me to write! Haha

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