Thinking a lot about my future

[kirby42]

I had a relapse recently and I'm trying to work through it. Not doing too bad. Last week I couldn't eat or sleep and was in a constant state of panic. I came home, started meds again, managed to go to the gym yesterday. Today I'm not doing so good. Maybe restarting medication will leave me in not so good shape for a few weeks?

I've been thinking a lot about my future. Maybe this is rumination, but I would just like someone to speak to.

I wonder will I ever leave this behind and live normally. Even when I felt good for a year and a half, I wonder now about how good I really was. I definitely had intrusive thoughts though I didn't pay too much heed to them. I don't think it's normal to have them as much as I do. I've had so many bad thoughts over the past two weeks about so many different themes.

I lived in a foreign country and maybe this is the only reason that I felt better, because my brain was working so hard concentrating in a foreign language. What if this means I'll never be okay if I live in my home country where I'm more comfortable?

What will I do in years to come? Am I destined to forever have relapses or to live with this condition until the end of my days? What will I do if my parents pass and I have no one to talk to?

How could I become a good parent? I really want to start my own family, always have. But I have such bad thoughts all of the time. When my anxiety is really bad like it was two weeks ago, I couldn't get out of bed. 

I feel like I'm weak somehow because of my mental health....

[PolarBear]

All the questions you pose above are normal but basically pointless. Stop trying to answer them.

OCD is a treatable, beatable disorder. Plain and simple. I'm in my fourth year of being OCD free and loving every minute of it. I spend a lot of time talking to OCD sufferers simply because I know they can get better if they handle it correctly and put in the effort required. They can get better. So there's your goal.

The question is, what are you going to do about it? How are you going to get back on the road to recovery?

[helen10937]

How did you beat ocd polar bear?

[kirby42]

Did you have any relapses?

[PolarBear]

I responded well to meds. I became very educated on the subject of OCD. I took CBT to heart and did the hard work necessary to recover.

Nope, never had a relapse.

[kirby42]

I'm glad for you polar, and thank you for your continued support and knowledge.

[JennieWren]

19 hours ago, kirby42 said:

How could I become a good parent? I really want to start my own family, always have. But I have such bad thoughts all of the time. When my anxiety is really bad like it was two weeks ago, I couldn't get out of bed. 

I have two children. There has been times I couldn't get out of bed. Me and my husband dealt with it. I ask for support and help more than other mums but so be it. Therefore there is no reason you can't have children. You might find having children helps you in ways you didn't expect. They help me get out of bed every day, they give me a focus away from my worries, they motivate me to keep fighting my illness and they live in the moment, they are fun and full of play. They teach me a lot. I hope to inspire my children by overcoming this. And if polar says it is possible and he's done it - I believe it can be done.

[helen10937]

22 hours ago, PolarBear said:

I responded well to meds. I became very educated on the subject of OCD. I took CBT to heart and did the hard work necessary to recover.

Nope, never had a relapse.

Thanks. Good on you polar bear