Progress but not perfect

[ocdsufferer85]

Hi I thought I'd check in

The last few days after an upsetting discussion (as usual) 

We came to the realisation that it was simply impossible to speak on an outwards breath, and I feel better.

We worked it out in a way that is sticking.

Its not perfect yet, I got triggered again today and it puts all new worries there, like well what if this happened or that happened, new false memories.

I haven't been ruminating I've been stopping it and distracting myself when I feel it coming in.

Its so hard, everyday is a fight but I'm trying to win this time.

So I've got this conclusion and a proper rational look at its trickery. 

However I still hold some guilt and anxiety about 'feelings' or 'thoughts' during the 'event' ie - thinking I had one up on OCD so being less 'careful' I worry this makes me a bad person

However I have worked out nothing was said at any of the points at the time, however OCD is still prodding at me.

I worked out that if a breath freaked me out then no way would I speak without knowing.

Etc...I won't go into details. I want to just hold on to what I have finally resolved.

Anyway... What do you guys think, triggers are gonna come in, I feel upset when I fall back into the cycle, what do I do when a trigger happens? Rationalise it or really ignore it immediately? 

Trying my best. 

Thank you!

[PolarBear]

You eventually have to deal with the fact that it doesn't matter what you did. Right now you are deathly afraid of saying a few words and that in itself is an irrational fear. You will have to face that, at some point. You can change your thinking about that moment. You can come to terms with thinking that it just doesn't matter in the big scheme of things. The reason you have to face this is that you have this irrational fear hanging over your head.

You've made a decision that nothing happened. But OCD is going to send you intrusive thoughts that amount to you being wrong about that decision. It's going to test you. It's going to send out irrational thoughts that you did, in fact, do something bad. And with that fear hanging over your head, it's going to be difficult to ignore.

The good news is that if you ignore those thoughts, if you refrain from responding to them with compulsions, if you let them be, over time the thoughts should diminish in severity and frequency. That all by itself will make the whole thing less scary than it has been.

So keep going.

[JennieWren]

I'm reading the book 'break free from OCD'. It shows you exactly how to test your obsessions and compulsions in the correct way. I think you might find it easier if you had a 'scientifically proven' framework to use instead of trying to work it out for yourself?

[ocdsufferer85]

Thank you. 

I decided to actually look at the facts and what's even possible. So it can't take that away. 

I've tried to wind back and take away the distortions.

[lostinme]

That’s a great start ocdsufferer, keep going, you can do this 

[lostinme]

Hi Sophief, 

Yes that’s the correct book ? 

lost 

[JennieWren]

3 hours ago, Sophief said:

Hi JennieWren, I'm going to buy this book today, is it this one? https://www.amazon.co.uk/Break-Free-OCD-Overcoming-Compulsive/dp/0091939690

Yes that's the one.