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 I just want to know what am I supposed to do when OCD tells me not to touch someone because if I do, it means that I'm doing it for sexual reasons and then I touch them, either accidentally or not. Is it okay to do it? I don't think avoidance is either the solution but I'm just not sure about this.

Edited by lily17
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9 minutes ago, lily17 said:

I really wanted to have a nice day... 

Then do just that! :-) Acknowledge you have a frightening, worrying thought, and carry on with your day despite the thought. You don't have to obey OCD's whims, say "I hear you, thought, but I'm just going to continue along." And then do just that: watch some crappy TV, clean your room, have a laugh with your family, even if the thoughts are screaming at you to pay attention to them.

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29 minutes ago, ohwhyhello said:

Then do just that! :-) Acknowledge you have a frightening, worrying thought, and carry on with your day despite the thought. You don't have to obey OCD's whims, say "I hear you, thought, but I'm just going to continue along." And then do just that: watch some crappy TV, clean your room, have a laugh with your family, even if the thoughts are screaming at you to pay attention to them.

I'm trying but I'm so scared because whenever I get this thought, I try to avoid them, I try not to move but I always end up moving when I don't want to and I freak out I don't know if it means I've touched them for sexual reasons :( thank you ohwhyhello, I know how annoying I can get.. I'll try to just move on from this, not attach it any importance.

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My therapist told me to treat the OCD taunts as "just my silly obsession"  and get on with life. 

You don't have to respond by doing things just because the illness tells you not to. 

Accept that it is part of the game, but neither you, me, or anyone else here is obliged to play OCD's games. 

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Just now, lily17 said:

I'm trying but I'm so scared because whenever I get this thought, I try to avoid them, I try not to move but I always end up moving when I don't want to and I freak out I don't know if it means I've touched them for sexual reasons :( thank you ohwhyhello, I know how annoying I can get.. I'll try to just move on from this, not attach it any importance.

Avoidance is a compulsion, just act as you usually would and ignore whatever the thoughts are telling you 

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It's okay to be scared. You need to learn how to tolerate the fear and continue on with your life despite that. Fear alone can't hurt you. It's a yucky emotion, but its entirely tolerable. Stop trying to make it go away, that's what's, ironically, keeping you in a state of fear.  

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1 minute ago, taurean said:

My therapist told me to treat the OCD taunts as "just my silly obsession"  and get on with life. 

You don't have to respond by doing things just because the illness tells you not to. 

Accept that it is part of the game, but neither you, me, or anyone else here is obliged to play OCD's games. 

What do you mean by doing things? When this thought strikes me, I try not to move and then I end up slightly moving somehow?  My therapist told me the same, that these thoughts are just an obsession but I don't know if I touch them when I get that thought it means that...

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You have to start realizing that right now your OCD is the problem. This is what is your problem currently.

It just feels like that content of the thought is the problem, but it's the way you think. 

You might be super perverted and evil, you might be the spawn of Satan and a future axe murderer. Who knows? There is no way to tell for sure. But that is NOT the problem at hand. The problem is OCD. 

If i have a thought that I might be killed by a crazy man on the way to work and then spend my days worrying and agonizing and crying and freaking out. I might be the victim of a murderous attack. Anything is possible. But when I freak out like that, what would you say to me? Would you say my problem is the possibility of being killed, or would you tell me to work on my way of thinking?

Edited by ohwhyhello
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The aim is to do nothing differently than someone normally would.  You don't need to avoid anything, you don't need to try not to move, you don't need to do any rituals or compulsions.  You carry on as normal acknowledging what the cause of the thought is (OCD).  You can touch who you want, you can brush up to someone accidently etc etc etc....what you need to be aware of is that these thoughts are meaningless, the result of OCD and harmless

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2 hours ago, HDC said:

Avoidance is a compulsion, just act as you usually would and ignore whatever the thoughts are telling you 

I try but it’s hard because I block and get so anxious. I believe saying to myself that I don’t pretend to touch them with those reasons is neutralizing the thoughts which would be another compulsion, right? It’s the only thing that calms me down a little because I feel so insecure and like a danger.

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2 hours ago, ohwhyhello said:

It's okay to be scared. You need to learn how to tolerate the fear and continue on with your life despite that. Fear alone can't hurt you. It's a yucky emotion, but its entirely tolerable. Stop trying to make it go away, that's what's, ironically, keeping you in a state of fear.  

I would say it’s actually a really dreadful situation when that thought comes to me. Like I would snap and do it. And if I move, I lose. It’s so hard. It makes me feel horrible about myself because I would never do that. I have to work on it, I guess. 

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Everything you say there Lily is the OCD at work.

You don't have to respond to it, whatever urges feelings and thoughts you experience. 

You just determine not to, as Gingerbreadgirl calls it, give it the time of day, and get involved in other things. . 

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2 hours ago, ohwhyhello said:

You have to start realizing that right now your OCD is the problem. This is what is your problem currently.

It just feels like that content of the thought is the problem, but it's the way you think. 

You might be super perverted and evil, you might be the spawn of Satan and a future axe murderer. Who knows? There is no way to tell for sure. But that is NOT the problem at hand. The problem is OCD. 

If i have a thought that I might be killed by a crazy man on the way to work and then spend my days worrying and agonizing and crying and freaking out. I might be the victim of a murderous attack. Anything is possible. But when I freak out like that, what would you say to me? Would you say my problem is the possibility of being killed, or would you tell me to work on my way of thinking?

I would definitely tell you to work on the way you think because it’s not worth ruminating about it and being anxious. I’m aware that my problem is the way I think but I only can see that from time to time, you know? That’s problem, I don’t trust myself with others, I feel like a danger and might really wanna do that and it scares the hell out of me which is the actual reason I wouldn’t do it but there lies the problem: trust. Gotta work on that too. Thanks for your response!

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3 minutes ago, lily17 said:

It makes me feel horrible about myself because I would never do that. I have to work on it, I guess. 

It turns our true core values on their heads, and alleges the opposite 

Now you know that, can you see that you have absolutely no need to believe those lies? 

Don't get pulled into debates, research. 

Just accept it is OCD and only do what is right by your core values. 

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1 hour ago, taurean said:

It turns our true core values on their heads, and alleges the opposite 

Now you know that, can you see that you have absolutely no need to believe those lies? 

Don't get pulled into debates, research. 

Just accept it is OCD and only do what is right by your core values. 

Thank you, sometimes it’s hard because I can almost feel this force dragging me down to doing awful things I despise, I think it’s called “urge” and I get paralyzed everytime I get them. I guess I just have to sit with the anxiety and trust myself :) 

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You have NO option other than to work on the condition and start to realise that the thoughts are not reality. Dog? Sister? Whatever.

You are in therapy - and you said recently you liked your therapist?

Long drawn out posts about your distress are understandable  but also taking up a lot of your time and people who care who are reading your posts.

I would have perhaps been the same 20 years ago but as I've said before there were no forums like this as far as I am aware and no-one to talk to so the presence of this forum is an extremely positive thing for you.

I'm not about judgement but you have had a lot of advice (and reassurance) from other people.

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Got caught up with the thought, I told myself “no sexual reasons” then I continued drawing and as my mum was next to me staring at my piece of work, I ended up touching her, and I made a face as if I liked it but perhaps was because of something my sister said that was funny. So confusing ?

Edited by lily17
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12 minutes ago, PhilM said:

You have NO option other than to work on the condition and start to realise that the thoughts are not reality. Dog? Sister? Whatever.

You are in therapy - and you said recently you liked your therapist?

Long drawn out posts about your distress are understandable  but also taking up a lot of your time and people who care who are reading your posts.

I would have perhaps been the same 20 years ago but as I've said before there were no forums like this as far as I am aware and no-one to talk to so the presence of this forum is an extremely positive thing for you.

I'm not about judgement but you have had a lot of advice (and reassurance) from other people.

Yes, I like her a lot. I think she completely understands what’s going on with me, as all of you do as well. The thoughts get stronger with time, I can see it. It’s difficult to change my reaction because I’m used to all the anxiety so I have to change my reaction little by little.

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9 minutes ago, PhilM said:

Little by little is a good and realistic approach.

Yes, I believe it is. I’m slowing my ruminations now. I have to put it into practise. Even if I feel that I’ve done something wrong, it’s all related to OCD. 

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24 minutes ago, lily17 said:

Yes, I like her a lot. I think she completely understands what’s going on with me, as all of you do as well. The thoughts get stronger with time, I can see it. It’s difficult to change my reaction because I’m used to all the anxiety so I have to change my reaction little by little.

The thoughts only get stronger lily, because you give them power by connecting with them, giving them belief. 

When you stop doing that, when they get no attention, they actually weaken in power and frequency. 

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1 hour ago, taurean said:

The thoughts only get stronger lily, because you give them power by connecting with them, giving them belief. 

When you stop doing that, when they get no attention, they actually weaken in power and frequency. 

I wish I could do that but right now my OCD is targetting my deceased grandfather... and my OCD is related to sexual obsessions and everytime I do a movement, boom! There you have a thought. And then I test. And I cry because I hate it, I don’t like it at all. I want to rip off my skin for doing this... he was my grandpa :( I’m sorry for ranting this is just so hard right now I can’t believe it’s gotten this far. Now it’s far more difficult to let them go because they’re about someone I loved and he’s gone... I’m heartbroken.

Edited by lily17
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