I’m freaking out. I’m sorry to disappoint...

[lily17]

4 hours ago, JennieWren said:

Ignore me! ?

It’s okay hun x

[PhilM]

Have you bought any of the books that other users may have mentioned such as Break Free from OCD?

[lily17]

30 minutes ago, PhilM said:

Have you bought any of the books that other users may have mentioned such as Break Free from OCD?

Nope. I bought the one by PolarBear. Don’t remember the name now.

[lily17]

Thanks to my therapist I’ve learned that the thoughts are meaningless. If a thought tells me not to touch a person because it would mean I’m touching them for sexual reasons and then I touch them, accidentally or not, it means nothing. It’s just OCD doing its job and me not giving a damn.

Edited December 3, 2017 by snowbear
substituted acceptable word for swearing.

[OceanDweller]

10 hours ago, lily17 said:

Thanks to my therapist I’ve learned that the thoughts are meaningless. If a thought tells me not to touch a person because it would mean I’m touching them for sexual reasons and then I touch them, accidentally or not, it means nothing. It’s just OCD doing its job and me not giving a damn.

That’s correct Lilly. Might you be able to reflect back upon this post when the doubts inevitably come a calling?

[lily17]

16 minutes ago, OceanDweller said:

That’s correct Lilly. Might you be able to reflect back upon this post when the doubts inevitably come a calling?

Of course I will!  Thank you OD  

[Avo]

Break free from OCD is available via the OCD UK website. It is a great help while waiting for your therapy to get going.

 I found it useful as it increased my understanding of OCD and helped me to identify when OCD is at play. I know the charity speak highly of it as well. 

[lily17]

8 minutes ago, Avo said:

Break free from OCD is available via the OCD UK website. It is a great help while waiting for your therapy to get going.

 I found it useful as it increased my understanding of OCD and helped me to identify when OCD is at play. I know the charity speak highly of it as well. 

Yes, I’ve heard of it before. Thank you! Might check it out

[lily17]

15 minutes ago, lily17 said:

Of course I will!  Thank you OD  

But then it gets worse when the urges come to me, they say I want to touch her for sexual reasons and then boom! I’ve done it for whatever reason I’ve touched her and my mind is just a whole mess you know.

[lily17]

Urges are just the worst thing in the world. 

[lily17]

OCD people walk away from urges not towards it like I’ve done because my sister was showing me something on the phone I didn’t touch her or anything I think but I’m so distressed my mind is a mess I can’t remember things exactly it’s so bad right now I’m sorry I’m so sorry I’m weak 

Edited December 3, 2017 by snowbear
removed swear word

[Moments]

I know exactly how you feel,you are not alone and it's just awful with the anxiety. It's because we are trying too hard to get rid of thoughts,it has the opposite effect because we end up thinking about them all the time. Please remember you're not alone. X

[lily17]

10 minutes ago, Moments said:

I know exactly how you feel,you are not alone and it's just awful with the anxiety. It's because we are trying too hard to get rid of thoughts,it has the opposite effect because we end up thinking about them all the time. Please remember you're not alone. X

Thank you.... x

[lily17]

God, it’s a mess in here. I can’t remember exactly what happened. I was having urges to touch her for sexual pleasure (not in her privates) but just to touch her. Then I came close to her and  I really can’t recall if I thought “no sexual reasons” or if that was before but I came close to her to see what she was showing me in her phone or something I don’t know I feel like a full on p******** now! Damn it  What I remember is that I was legit not sexually pleased, just having groinal responses here and there but I got this feeling of liking being next to her, maybe cause she’s my little sis????? Feelings are so confusing !!!!!!

[lily17]

Can’t ease my mind.....what have I done 

[PhilM]

What do you think you have done?

[lily17]

7 minutes ago, PhilM said:

What do you think you have done?

Well, giving in to the urge!! Although I wasn’t sexually pleased in any moment just groinal responses  

[lily17]

Doubting my diagnosis. Feeling on edge. It doesn’t feel like OCD anymore. I’ve gave in. Oh no. Why have I become such a monster. I can’t. 

[PhilM]

I have time for you Lily because you are young and I wouldn't want you to lose years or decades of your life or feel very desperately unhappy like a lot of older forum users including myself when it doesn't have to be like that with appropriate treatment and listening to damned good advice.

At the same time I wonder or worry because of the nature of MY OCD that I'm chatting to a teenage girl. My bad.

Best wishes, Phil.

Edited December 3, 2017 by PhilM

[lily17]

30 minutes ago, PhilM said:

I have time for you Lily because you are young and I wouldn't want you to lose years or decades of your life or feel very desperately unhappy like a lot of older forum users including myself when it doesn't have to be like that with appropriate treatment and listening to damned good advice.

At the same time I wonder or worry because of the nature of MY OCD that I'm chatting to a teenage girl. My bad.

Best wishes, Phil.

Not very sure what do you mean with this... also if chatting with me triggers your OCD then I’m sorry  

[PhilM]

My point is that someone young DOES not need to go through what older sufferers have been through IF they have appropriate treatment and connect with a competent therapist.

Get the books, get stuck into therapy although I KNOW you haven't got another appointment for a week or so, read older posts from us "old-timers" and believe you can recover despite the self-doubt.

I'm not saying it is easy but I would love to see you come back to the forum in whatever length of time and tell us how well you are doing.

[lily17]

24 minutes ago, PhilM said:

My point is that someone young DOES not need to go through what older sufferers have been through IF they have appropriate treatment and connect with a competent therapist.

Get the books, get stuck into therapy although I KNOW you haven't got another appointment for a week or so, read older posts from us "old-timers" and believe you can recover despite the self-doubt.

I'm not saying it is easy but I would love to see you come back to the forum in whatever length of time and tell us how well you are doing.

I see what you mean now... thank you so much, Phil. I really want to recover but it’s not easy with all of these obstacles in the way...

[lily17]

Have any of you thought “i’m not gonna do this with these sexual reasons” and then your mind erased the “not” or you just didn’t emphasize the word enough but you knew you weren’t doing it for those reasons anyone? It’s just happened with my dog twice... saw it there, I wanted to touch it (there is NO way I wanted to do it to please myself or anything sick I’m sure of this and that’s why I thought the following phrase) and thought “i’m not gonna do this for sexual reasons because he is my baby boy” and it’s like I didn’t emphashized the “not” enough or thought it in a lower volume I don’t even know but I’m feeling bad about this?

Edited December 3, 2017 by lily17

[OceanDweller]

4 minutes ago, lily17 said:

Have any of you thought “i’m not gonna do this with these sexual reasons” and then your mind erased the “not” or you just didn’t emphasize the word enough but you knew you weren’t doing it for those reasons anyone? It’s just happened with my dog twice... saw it there, I wanted to touch it (there is NO way I wanted to do it to please myself or anything sick I’m sure of this and that’s why I thought the following phrase) and thought “i’m not gonna do this for sexual reasons because he is my baby boy” and it’s like I didn’t emphashized the “not” enough or thought it in a lower volume I don’t even know but I’m feeling bad about this?

This is pure mental silliness Lily. Read it back to yourself. It’s nonsense.

[lily17]

1 hour ago, OceanDweller said:

This is pure mental silliness Lily. Read it back to yourself. It’s nonsense.

OD, it’s what happened! It’s silly, yeah, but does it mean anything at all? Ugh I hate OCD, making me doubt this 

Edited December 3, 2017 by snowbear
removed swear word