Is this strange?

[HDC]

Hello All, 

 

My OCD kicked off 2 years ago after a bad break up which happened because I fell out of love (And he was pretty mean!) I'm now in a very happy relationship, hopefully one that continue throughout my life. My main topics are harm and relationship OCD, and I find that thoughts pop up more if I know I am not seeing my other half for an evening or he is going away... when my OCD originally started, he was a close friend and helped me through everything, now he is with me and he still supports me just as much if not more. Just a question but: 

 

Is it strange that thoughts pop up more often if I know I am not seeing him?... 

 

Thanks 

 

HDC

[taurean]

Hi HDC. 

You are analysing, seeking reasons. 

Now by now you should be able to see that this is compulsing, and won't help? 

All we need to accept, for me, is to expect intrusions that connect to our theme - and not connect in any way with them. 

Just note them, then leave them be and refocus away. 

[Wonderer]

Hey, I find when I’m obsessing about someone in particular the thoughts are worse when the person isn’t there, I think that’s more to do with the fact that when the person is there we are in reality rather than in our heads which are full of ocd nonsense! X

[HDC]

7 minutes ago, taurean said:

Hi HDC. 

You are analysing, seeking reasons. 

Now by now you should be able to see that this is compulsing, and won't help? 

All we need to accept, for me, is to expect intrusions that connect to our theme - and not connect in any way with them. 

Just note them, then leave them be and refocus away. 

Thank you both, I suppose it doesn't really matter what makes it worse etc... Just to treat all the thoughts the same!

[taurean]

41 minutes ago, HDC said:

Thank you both, I suppose it doesn't really matter what makes it worse etc... Just to treat all the thoughts the same!

Exactly. When I go out and about I'm far more likely to encounter triggers on my theme than I am sitting here in my armchair at home! 

[HDC]

31 minutes ago, taurean said:

Exactly. When I go out and about I'm far more likely to encounter triggers on my theme than I am sitting here in my armchair at home! 

What if I don't necessarily get triggers? Sometimes if I hold a kitchen object or something but if I know I am not seeing my other half feel on edge and then that starts the thoughts...? 

[taurean]

What ifs are OCD aren't they HDC?

Edited December 5, 2017 by taurean

[HDC]

1 minute ago, taurean said:

What ifs are OCD aren't they HDC?

Just laughed at this!!! Yes... Thank you!!!

[HDC]

9 minutes ago, HDC said:

What if I don't necessarily get triggers? Sometimes if I hold a kitchen object or something but if I know I am not seeing my other half feel on edge and then that starts the thoughts...? 

I don't actually get triggers sometimes though... it wasn't just a what if! Haha

[taurean]

But you do get intrusive thoughts. 

[HDC]

4 minutes ago, taurean said:

But you do get intrusive thoughts. 

Yes. Which is still OCD 

[HDC]

1 hour ago, taurean said:

But you do get intrusive thoughts. 

I suppose my question is, does it matter what triggers thoughts...? Even if it's nothing to do with the topic of thought?

[taurean]

Thoughts are just thoughts. A non-sufferer simply moves on and forgets them. 

A sufferer analyses, overthinks, connects, catastrophises, ruminates, queries. 

 

[HDC]

Just now, taurean said:

Thoughts are just thoughts. A non-sufferer simply moves on and forgets them. 

A sufferer analyses, overthinks, connects, catastrophises, ruminates, queries. 

 

Thank you Taurean... I'm getting there... haha!

[Emsie]

2 hours ago, HDC said:

I don't actually get triggers sometimes though... it wasn't just a what if! Haha

Hi HDC, I remember discussing this with PolarBear, intrusive thoughts can come with a trigger but also they can come without a trigger.  ?

[HDC]

23 minutes ago, Emsie said:

Hi HDC, I remember discussing this with PolarBear, intrusive thoughts can come with a trigger but also they can come without a trigger.  ?

I get both sometimes, I just think I get anxious when not seeing my other half and they start popping up... was just checking that that wasn't something to worry about!

[HDC]

Also... is letting family members/other halves know that you're OCD has been playing up a bad thing? I tend to do that! 

[Emsie]

2 hours ago, HDC said:

I get both sometimes, I just think I get anxious when not seeing my other half and they start popping up... was just checking that that wasn't something to worry about!

Me too, I get both sometimes. It makes sense that they pop up when you're feeling anxious. In general, my fears are worse when I'm feeling anxious anyway, it's like it's a fuel for them. 

 

11 minutes ago, HDC said:

Also... is letting family members/other halves know that you're OCD has been playing up a bad thing? I tend to do that! 

I let my husband know too, I think I tell him to explain my behaviour and as a release. I'm afraid I don't know if it's a bad thing, all I can say is I've never considered it a bad thing. X

Edited December 5, 2017 by Emsie

[HDC]

Just now, Emsie said:

Me too, I get both sometimes. It makes sense that they pop up when your feeling anxious. In general, my fears are worse when I'm feeling anxious anyway, it's like it's a fuel for them. 

 

I let my husband know too, I think I tell him to explain my behaviour and as a release. I'm afraid I don't know if it's a bad thing, all I can say is I've never considered it a bad thing. X

I do the exact same thing just in case he wonders why I'm a little quiet!! Glad it's not just me, OCD was trying to convince me that I'm different so it can't be OCD and just means I'm evil!! Stupid thing 

[Emsie]

1 minute ago, HDC said:

I do the exact same thing just in case he wonders why I'm a little quiet!! Glad it's not just me, OCD was trying to convince me that I'm different so it can't be OCD and just means I'm evil!! Stupid thing 

Remember OCD lies all the time. 

Take care x

[JennieWren]

7 hours ago, HDC said:

thoughts pop up more often if I know I am not seeing him

Could the trigger be being apart? Or the type of being apart? (Work/nights out etc...) In the sense that when you are together you can more easily 'know' how he is feeling/how you are feeling. But when he isn't there the uncertainty creeps back in?

[Avo]

Hi All

Just to add my bit, i think telling your other half that your OCD is playing up is fine,  as long as it does not lead to any re-assurance seeking or confessing. My wife will sometimes ask where have i gone, meaning she thinks i have retreated within myself which is an accurate description.

Re-assurance seeking and confessing has been a big weakness of mine over the years. I am better than i was but still slip now and again.

 

Spoiler

 

 

[HDC]

22 minutes ago, JennieWren said:

Could the trigger be being apart? Or the type of being apart? (Work/nights out etc...) In the sense that when you are together you can more easily 'know' how he is feeling/how you are feeling. But when he isn't there the uncertainty creeps back in?

I don't know why being apart makes me anxious... I think it's just not the normal daily routine, so the day feels a little different. He's a very calm character to be around so I feel safe I guess! 

[JennieWren]

Actually it sounds like a good time when he's not there to do your OCD 'work'? If you know him being away means you'll have more thoughts - then you can prepare yourself mentally for it beforehand and put all your expertise into practice at that time? ?

 

[JennieWren]

38 minutes ago, Avo said:

My wife will sometimes ask where have i gone

This is a very good way of putting it!