Sexual Reasons...

[St Mike]

10 hours ago, lily17 said:

It's so difficult Mike... 

It is definitely difficult, no one here is under any illusions about it, still you have to do it if you wish to recover. A thought is just a thought, it is how you treat and react to the thought that makes the difference. Currently what you are doing is allowing the intrusive thoughts to ride roughshod over you. Once an intrusive thought pops up, wham, you collapse straight away like a house of cards and descend into performing compulsions.

Ok, now, is it because you are weak and fragile? NO!

It is because you are INEXPERIENCED. OCD is new, bewildering and of course scary to you. Your mind is just not 'trained' or conditioned enough to deal with the intrusive thoughts in such a way which allows for you to carry on your life with ease and peace. 

I highly recommend you do up the plan as advised by Caramoole on the things that you should and should not do when the intrusive thought strikes and think of the techniques to cope at that very moment. Activate the plan when they do strike. The clues are everywhere, in all the replies to your posts from the many kind-hearted forum members. At the same time, I reiterate the need to learn as much about OCD as you can. 

Edited December 8, 2017 by St Mike

[JennieWren]

Lily waking up anxious day after day is the norm for so many people myself included. I know it's horrible, but you are not alone. The reason we understand is because we are no different to you. And we all understand how difficult it is. You are on a hard journey, no doubt. But you have friends to help you along. X

[lily17]

6 hours ago, St Mike said:

It is definitely difficult, no one here is under any illusions about it, still you have to do it if you wish to recover. A thought is just a thought, it is how you treat and react to the thought that makes the difference. Currently what you are doing is allowing the intrusive thoughts to ride roughshod over you. Once an intrusive thought pops up, wham, you collapse straight away like a house of cards and descend into performing compulsions.

Ok, now, is it because you are weak and fragile? NO!

It is because you are INEXPERIENCED. OCD is new, bewildering and of course scary to you. Your mind is just not 'trained' or conditioned enough to deal with the intrusive thoughts in such a way which allows for you to carry on your life with ease and peace. 

I highly recommend you do up the plan as advised by Caramoole on the things that you should and should not do when the intrusive thought strikes and think of the techniques to cope at that very moment. Activate the plan when they do strike. The clues are everywhere, in all the replies to your posts from the many kind-hearted forum members. At the same time, I reiterate the need to learn as much about OCD as you can. 

Thank you so much for your response. The worst part is that I can’t recognize the intrusive thoughts anymore, they feel like my own thinking and that’s what scares me the most. I guess I don’t have another alternative but to keep going and not doing any compulsions or at least try to slow them down again... sigh.

[lily17]

5 hours ago, JennieWren said:

Lily waking up anxious day after day is the norm for so many people myself included. I know it's horrible, but you are not alone. The reason we understand is because we are no different to you. And we all understand how difficult it is. You are on a hard journey, no doubt. But you have friends to help you along. X

Thank you so much Jennie, we’re all in this together ?

[lily17]

I was lying on the sofa and there’s a picture of my mother there and I got a thought that if I moved, it wouldn’t be a test I would be doing it thinking of her for real and I got so scared I accidentally moved one of my buttocks and then swallowed saliva (I don’t know if I got another intrusive thought but I did it thinking of her apparently and liked it i dont know) while I was watching Friends on TV (a show which I love and it helps me distract myself but I can’t watch it being relaxed because I’m afraid to even laugh) then I tested myself swallowing saliva looking at my mum’s picture then pressed my thighs a little and I ended up with an anxiety attack. Also one of the times it seemed like I was liking it looking at my mum’s picture when I tested myself scratching my parts I’m such a mess and can’t stop crying I can’t do anything I’m afraid to even breathe 

Edited December 8, 2017 by lily17

[lily17]

Now I get the thought all the time and I just can’t breathe. If I do it, if I even move a tiny bit, that’s it. I’ve lost.

[Caramoole]

It's the same advice as before Lily, until you work on your reaction, your compulsions, you're going to keep on experiencing more of this every day;

[lily17]

8 minutes ago, Caramoole said:

It's the same advice as before Lily, until you work on your reaction, your compulsions, you're going to keep on experiencing more of this every day;

It feels like the end of the world to me... I feel miserable 

[Caramoole]

2 minutes ago, lily17 said:

It feels like the end of the world to me... I feel miserable 

I know, it's awful.....but sadly, the advice is still the same.  You must work on your reaction and compulsions so that you can stop feeling miserable

[PhilM]

Lily I'm twice + your age and I can say 100 per cent as Caramoole said that the advice is still the same.

You don't have to feel so unhappy and conflicted all the time with taking on board the considerate advice and responses from fellow suffers to your posts and getting stuck into therapy.

I know you don't have an appointment until next week (?) but you have had so much wonderful advice and believe it or not that to "some extent" you can be your own therapist in a limited way plus there is good literature available for OCD sufferers on this site that wasn't around "back in the day".

 

[lily17]

3 hours ago, Caramoole said:

I know, it's awful.....but sadly, the advice is still the same.  You must work on your reaction and compulsions so that you can stop feeling miserable

I’m trying, really trying but it’s the hardest thing I’ve gone through so far ?

[lily17]

1 hour ago, PhilM said:

Lily I'm twice + your age and I can say 100 per cent as Caramoole said that the advice is still the same.

You don't have to feel so unhappy and conflicted all the time with taking on board the considerate advice and responses from fellow suffers to your posts and getting stuck into therapy.

I know you don't have an appointment until next week (?) but you have had so much wonderful advice and believe it or not that to "some extent" you can be your own therapist in a limited way plus there is good literature available for OCD sufferers on this site that wasn't around "back in the day".

 

You’re absolutely right but I’m so desmotivated and mentally wasted I swear I don’t feel like doing absolutely anything. It’s just so horrible now.

[lily17]

This is the third time I think I’ve done something on purpose thinking of my mum to pleasure myself  I was just taking a selfie being all silly! Then I contracted my private parts idk why and boom! I got scared thinking “oh my god did I like that? what was it?” As if it was all new but I got stuck in testing. This is absolutely not a good day for me. At least I’m being able to be with my dog but my mum is present all the time. I’m so sick of this .

[Caramoole]

Why are you telling us this in detail again Lily?

[lily17]

Does alcohol or any other substance stop you from having OCD thoughts

[Tanana]

No Lily. Don't even think about going down that route. It will just make things much worse and even harder to deal with. 

[lily17]

Well I’m afraid it’s too late 

[helen10937]

.

Edited December 10, 2017 by helen10937

[OceanDweller]

Morning Lily. How are we feeling today? Be very cautious about trying to escape your thoughts and feelings through mind-altering substances. Coming down, your angst will be magnified ten-fold. Mental ill-health plus drink/drugs equals nightmarish existence.

[St Mike]

10 hours ago, lily17 said:

Does alcohol or any other substance stop you from having OCD thoughts

No, nothing of what you mentioned can stop OCD thoughts, all thoughts are the same, electrical impluses fired by neurons in our brains. Intrusive thoughts are part of the human condition, you get them as long as you are a human being, able to think and feel.

The main difference is that a non-OCD sufferer can dismiss them easily but an OCD sufferer can't.

There is no evidence, scientific or anecdotal at least to the best of my knowledge about alcohol or any other substance stopping intrusive thoughts though medication can help with anxiety caused by OCD.

My personal experience with alcohol is as such, it made my intrusive thoughts worse and they come more intense and frequent and they lessen when I quit. 

 

Edited December 10, 2017 by St Mike

[lily17]

9 hours ago, helen10937 said:

.

Why do you keep replying to my topics? Please leave me alone 

[lily17]

2 hours ago, OceanDweller said:

Morning Lily. How are we feeling today? Be very cautious about trying to escape your thoughts and feelings through mind-altering substances. Coming down, your angst will be magnified ten-fold. Mental ill-health plus drink/drugs equals nightmarish existence.

Morning. I’m kind of having trouble to breathe. Last night I was feeling too low and I had some alcohol..... never again tho I don’t even like it that much and I’m not even allowed to take it while I’m on medication. I’m such a fool oh god. I guess I wanted an escape from the hard time OCD was making me go through  thank you for replying me, I won’t do it again 

Edited December 10, 2017 by lily17

[lily17]

1 hour ago, St Mike said:

No, nothing of what you mentioned can stop OCD thoughts, all thoughts are the same, electrical impluses fired by neurons in our brains. Intrusive thoughts are part of the human condition, you get them as long as you are a human being, able to think and feel.

The main difference is that a non-OCD sufferer can dismiss them easily but an OCD sufferer can't.

There is no evidence, scientific or anecdotal at least to the best of my knowledge about alcohol or any other substance stopping intrusive thoughts though medication can help with anxiety caused by OCD.

My personal experience with alcohol is as such, it made my intrusive thoughts worse and they come more intense and frequent and they lessen when I quit. 

 

I don’t know what I was thinking. My rational part of the brain kind of knew alcohol wasn’t like a magic substance that stopped you from having thoughts I mean if that was the case many people would’ve just taken it and be cured... but I was feeling extremely low and I did it. Completely irresponsible behaviour... never again  

Thank you for replying to me, Mike.  I will certainly not do it again. Alcohol is not even for me tbh. 

[JennieWren]

Lily when I was your age I had no idea I had OCD and I used alcohol extensively as an escape. It didn't work. I was so messed up and didn't even know it. In a way you've got it much tougher. You know you've got OCD and you know what you've got to do. You know drinking is a bad idea for you. You can't run from your problems, you've got to turn and face them. But if you can do it you will be given the gifts of freedom and a chance at something better. I feel like big chunks of my life have been badly done. Not wasted, but under fulfilled. So full of rules and anxiety. That's why I'm so encouraging to you I think!

[PhilM]

25 minutes ago, JennieWren said:

Lily when I was your age I had no idea I had OCD and I used alcohol extensively as an escape. It didn't work. I was so messed up and didn't even know it. In a way you've got it much tougher. You know you've got OCD and you know what you've got to do. You know drinking is a bad idea for you. You can't run from your problems, you've got to turn and face them. But if you can do it you will be given the gifts of freedom and a chance at something better. I feel like big chunks of my life have been badly done. Not wasted, but under fulfilled. So full of rules and anxiety. That's why I'm so encouraging to you I think!

Great post Jennie. No-one who has had OCD for a long time wants a younger sufferer to go through what older sufferers went through.