Ashamed

[Rose1]

Hi I have had the same intrusive thoughts for about 4 years on and off. I posted sometime ago under  a different user name. I lost my  log in details but needed to talk to someone so I created a new account. A student had a crush on me about 4 years ago and I was flattered and terrified. I made sure that nothing happened but once early on I the attention made me feel pretty and desirable. I am ashamed of my thoughts and whenever I see anything on sexual assault I start to panic. I have been reading the book overcoming intrusive thoughts and in one chapter it describes "the distinction is to understand that pedophiles are looking for stimulation and arousal". I feel disgusting talking about this and I made sure that nothing would happen. But I am scared what if I had gone down that path 4 years ago. Is this OCD? 

[Rose1]

 My therapist tells me not to go down that rabbit hole. I just need to talk about it ...

[Rose1]

How can I come to terms with this? Please

[Bodger]

Hi Rose, your OCD has latched onto perfectly normal thoughts and turned them into something distressing.

Have you had any therapy - CBT?

[Rose1]

Yes, but my therapist tells me that the thoughts pose unanswerable questions and to not try and answer them. Which is difficult. I have an appointment with an OCD specialist at the end of January.

[PolarBear]

Who doesn't want to be appreciated. Most people would call that flattery.

Yes it's OCD. It latched onto an insignificant event and made a big deal out of nothing. Guaranteed you've made it worse over the last four years by doing compulsions.

[Rose1]

Thank you both. It's so hard sometimes to stop the compulsions as they can be sneaky and feel like they are keeping you safe.