Hope and love

[PhilM]

I made a decision to move to Cardiff for several reasons: a) I was fortunate enough to be in a position to work from home b) I wanted to spend more time with my younger brother and c) most importantly become engaged with his new son after years of avoiding contact with family member's children or other people's children

When I was on way to Cardiff on the train to look for a flat I was winding and winding myself up. My brother picked me up from the station and we had to stop at a lay-by as I was so distressed and sobbing.

When I had composed myself we got to his house and I started crying again.

Response from my sister-in-law? She passed me the baby with no hesitation and it was the first time I had help a baby for TEN years. It was amazing and moving and my brother and his wife KNEW the nature of my OCD but trusted me. The smell, the feel, the smile from my nephew was/is indescribable. The trust....wow.

When I moved to Cardiff we had an arrangement were I looked after him a couple of afternoons a week, picked him up from the nursery or picked him up if my brother or his wife had issues at work - the benefit of working from home.

Walking, talking etc. changing nappies it was great for me and him. We would go to the park, swimming, community centre and throw each other around the bouncy castle, teach him the ministry of silly walks from Monty Python  and made each other laugh. As he got older he would wait for me by the front door with his back pack on.

Love can surpass OCD - I genuinely believe that.

My OCD hasn't been great in the last few years but I treasure those memories.

 

[JennieWren]

2 hours ago, PhilM said:

Love can surpass OCD - I genuinely believe that.

Love and connection does not just surpass OCD - it is a real tool in overcoming it in my opinion. Sounds like you learnt to overcome your fears by changing nappies, by having a relationship and friendship with your nephew. Also I think when we give to others, rather than dwelling too much in our own minds, we move the focus away from ourselves to the needs of others. This has really helped me. My children force me in a way to be in the present moment more, and to see how valuable I really am.

[taurean]

Well said both of you. 

We have to face up to those rules and restrictions OCD imposes on us. 

Learn that with such themes as paedophilia, harm, sexual preference, relationship it is targeting our real core values and alleging the opposite to be true. This is a vital cognitive part of CBT for OCD. 

Then we challenge the restrictions in exposure and response prevention, proving that our issue is the fear that what the illness is telling us is true, and that we now see it is false and the intrusions just mental rubbish. 

For some, like Phil and I, we never had therapy or appropriate self-help available even to give us this simple but essential message - we suffered and kept on suffering. 

This is so very much a part of why we spend time on here sharing what we have learned, helping others to get better sooner. 

Edited December 12, 2017 by taurean

[taurean]

The love angle is a good one. 

Snowbear introduced  myself and the forum members to the concepts of positive emotion generation (PEG) and love kindness meditation,  and I find these very helpful as part of refocusing. 

When we shift our focus towards happy positive emotions, and meditate happy loving thoughts, we take our mental focus into wonderful loving upbeat thinking. 

[CAH_05]

This is such a lovely story to read. 

I can imagine how hard and daunting that must have been at first.

my family are realy good also and have read up on ocd and try best to not allow me to engage in compulsions and push me to exposure.

we are lucky to have people close to us or see us for the people we realy are. 

[PhilM]

It was very daunting.

Also when we used to play on the bouncy castle other children would want to play with me but I would refuse as I was worried what their parents would think even though I was with my nephew. I don't really think that's necessarily OCD though but the nature of the society we live in.

More positively, looking after him was the happiest time in my life for a long, long time.

[Saz]

Phil I'm loving all of your posts at the moment, very moving. I had tears in my eyes, reading this one. How lovely that your brother and his wife are so understanding too. X

[PhilM]

Obviously I can't post a photo but I can describe a picture that I love.

I'm holding my nephew close and we are both smiling and his little hand is on my cheek.

I think he was about 9 months old at the time. It's one of my favourite pictures.

[taurean]

Great Story Phil,

It's good that you have something here to build on 

 

[PhilM]

Thank you Roy

 

[Avo]

That's a great story Phil, I have this theme myself (amongst other ones. ).

Well done to you and your brother and sister in law for being so supportive too, its brilliant that you have built those memories with your Nephew.