Please please help me...

[Lisa davis]

I am literally in bits. This is just the worst thing ever. My ocd has latched onto something that is distressing me so much I don't know what to do with myself. I feel so overcome with emotions and am freaking out more than I have ever done with other themes I have experienced.

I am finding it so hard to type this but feel the need to ask for help.

So last night I got my son ready for bed, put on his night time pants and ran my hands down the back of his legs as a mum may innocently do to her son. However, I have since had intrusive thoughts that I did this in a wrong way, I can't even say the word it feels that awful. I have since had more thoughts that I shouldn't be left alone with him in case I do something wrong. 

How can this happen to me. I would never hurt him, he is my life. I am in bits and don't know what to do. How do I get over this one??

 

[HDC]

The same you conquer every other theme Lisa! The topic Is untrue and is attacking your morals, it's your silly obsession leave it be! I know it's hard! (If someone said this to me now about my topics i'd think what if it's real, what if I am crazy, What if I do cause harm)... just leave it be 

[Lisa davis]

Thank you so much for replying HDC, I got myself in such a state over this. I believe this could be the worst theme ever imaginable for myself that I have experienced.

Since July I have been worried about so many different themes. Its very distressing how it can jump from one thing to another in a flash, threatening your morals so to cause such pain and anguish.

I really, really appreciate your reply HDC and I will definitely try and see this for what it is - OCD trying to do its best to destroy me. 

I hope you are being strong in your own journey through this dastardly disorder 

[HDC]

19 minutes ago, Lisa davis said:

Thank you so much for replying HDC, I got myself in such a state over this. I believe this could be the worst theme ever imaginable for myself that I have experienced.

Since July I have been worried about so many different themes. Its very distressing how it can jump from one thing to another in a flash, threatening your morals so to cause such pain and anguish.

I really, really appreciate your reply HDC and I will definitely try and see this for what it is - OCD trying to do its best to destroy me. 

I hope you are being strong in your own journey through this dastardly disorder 

Definitely! it does jump And for me sometimes combine! But treat it all the same Thank you Lisa bless you! 

[Caramoole]

1 hour ago, Lisa davis said:

OCD trying to do its best to destroy me

No, it's not Lisa

There is nothing there with a plan or scheme set out to get you or destroy you.  It's a fear/anxiety response to a thought.  Don't give it any more power.

2 hours ago, Lisa davis said:

However, I have since had intrusive thoughts that I did this in a wrong way

That's the real truth.....you've had intrusive thoughts which have frightened you

You're actually standing in a very strong place at the moment because if you work "right now" (and over the next few days) to understand this is just another aspect of OCD, work as hard as you can NOT to carry out compulsions as a way of dealing with this, you can turn it around.  

Don't avoid doing all the normal things for your Son, avoidance of nothing, stay off Google, don't seek reassurance from others, don't try and work it out in your head.....You know the drill.  Start now, tonight......no ruminations.

It's a skill that every sufferer needs to work on.....nipping it in the bud before it starts and not letting things tumble down like a pack of cards.

Come on Lisa, deep breath, lots of courage, call on your knowledge and work past this.  You can you know

[Lisa davis]

40 minutes ago, Caramoole said:

No, it's not Lisa

There is nothing there with a plan or scheme set out to get you or destroy you.  It's a fear/anxiety response to a thought.  Don't give it any more power.

That's the real truth.....you've had intrusive thoughts which have frightened you

You're actually standing in a very strong place at the moment because if you work "right now" (and over the next few days) to understand this is just another aspect of OCD, work as hard as you can NOT to carry out compulsions as a way of dealing with this, you can turn it around.  

Don't avoid doing all the normal things for your Son, avoidance of nothing, stay off Google, don't seek reassurance from others, don't try and work it out in your head.....You know the drill.  Start now, tonight......no ruminations.

It's a skill that every sufferer needs to work on.....nipping it in the bud before it starts and not letting things tumble down like a pack of cards.

Come on Lisa, deep breath, lots of courage, call on your knowledge and work past this.  You can you know

Caramoole, thank you so so much. Having this understanding is remarkble at giving me strength to fight this.

In fact, since I broke down about all this I have realised it for what it is, OCD doing its thing, because I let it. 

Thanks to sound advice from you guys on this forum, I have learnt that giving the thought meaning only encourages more thoughts and round we go then in circles. I think because this theme involved my son, it crossed a boundary even I couldn't fight at first. I became terrified and thus got caught up in the thoughts.

However, I have in my head, told OCD where to go and I have hugged my son and we sat together playing a board game. I'm still having a few thoughts but I am trying not to engage with them. This is how I am dealing with all the intrusive thoughts at the moment until I start therapy. Just telling them to go away as such. 

I'm truly thankful to you for replying. Thank you also for reminding me that I mustn't engage with the thoughts, bless you for being so helpful xx

 

Edited December 15, 2017 by Lisa davis

[Caramoole]

14 minutes ago, Lisa davis said:

However, I have in my head, told OCD where to go and I have hugged my son and we sat together playing a board game. I'm still having a few thoughts but I am trying not to engage with them

That's the way to do it Lisa, Well Done.......give the thoughts no power and they become powerless.  I know it's scary when it strikes but what we do next is critical.  Keep going

[Emsie]

Hi Lisa, I've just seen your first post and of course then read the rest of your thread and I am so pleased that you sound so much better. You're such a fighter Lisa, and as Caramoole said you can work past this and turn this around.

 I can't really add to the excellent advice and support that you've had, I hope it's really helped you. It's all OCD lies lovely lady and you can nip this in the bud now. Keep hugging and kissing your son, don't avoid anything and the anxiety will fade and go.

You are doing so well with hugging your son, playing board games and not engaging with the thoughts, well done. I'm cheering you on from Norfolk. You've got this and I'm sending you loads of positivity. 

Take care lovely and keep busy and distracted and this will pass. Xxx

Edited December 15, 2017 by Emsie

[Skullpops]

Hi Lisa,

I just posted looking for a fellow Mum/ocd sufferer to chat to...please feel free to get in touch if you'd like to talk 

[Emsie]

Hi Lisa, just a little message for the morning as for me they are the hardest....Don't engage with the thoughts, keep busy and distracted. You can do this. Keep strong and keep going. 

Take care and know that you can do this. Xxx

[Lisa davis]

17 hours ago, Emsie said:

Hi Lisa, just a little message for the morning as for me they are the hardest....Don't engage with the thoughts, keep busy and distracted. You can do this. Keep strong and keep going. 

Take care and know that you can do this. Xxx

Emsie you are so kind, thank you so much for your lovely messages. I have been super busy today so havent had too much time to think. Although I am still having a few intrusive thoughts I am telling them where to go! It's not easy of course but I am determined not to get caught up in this one, it is by far the most distressing theme I have had to deal with.

I did read your message early hours this morning so apologies for the late reply. It was very thoughtful of you and was a good boost for me to read it and know that you were cheering me on.

I hope all is well with you and that you are enjoying your weekend...you are away arn't you?? Take care lovely lady, Lisa x

 

[Emsie]

On 16 December 2017 at 19:41, Lisa davis said:

Emsie you are so kind, thank you so much for your lovely messages. I have been super busy today so havent had too much time to think. Although I am still having a few intrusive thoughts I am telling them where to go! It's not easy of course but I am determined not to get caught up in this one, it is by far the most distressing theme I have had to deal with.

I did read your message early hours this morning so apologies for the late reply. It was very thoughtful of you and was a good boost for me to read it and know that you were cheering me on.

I hope all is well with you and that you are enjoying your weekend...you are away arn't you?? Take care lovely lady, Lisa x

 

Bless you Lisa, you are so welcome. I'm so glad it gave you a boost and to know that I am cheering you on (no need to apologise at all for when you replied). I'm so pleased you are doing so well with the thoughts and you're so determined not to get caught up in this one, that's fantastic news. You are doing so well, I know it's not easy so a huge well done. 

I'm very sorry for my late reply to you, I was away at the weekend, thank you for remembering, and I've been struggling ever since. It was very mixed time away, some lovely moments but my OCD kicked in on numerous triggers and I immediately asked my husband for reassurance on all of them and I've been in that cycle ever since. I'm relying on him for every thought I now get and its painful for him and I hate it. I'm sorry to off load that on you. I'm ok and I know what I have to do, it's just hard as I've got myself in a hole with my compulsions. I've got a busy day today so I'm hoping that will help. My husband is a teacher and he broke up yesterday so he's effectively on tap so I need to be strong for his sake. Again, I'm sorry to off load, I am ok and I know what I need to do. 

I hope you're having a good day lovely lady. Take care xxx

Edited December 20, 2017 by Emsie

[Lisa davis]

19 minutes ago, Emsie said:

Bless you Lisa, you are so welcome. I'm so glad it gave you a boost and to know that I am cheering you on (no need to apologise at all for when you replied). I'm so pleased you are doing so well with the thoughts and you're so determined not to get caught up in this one, that's fantastic news. You are doing so well, I know it's not easy so a huge well done. 

I'm very sorry for my late reply to you, I was away at the weekend, thank you for remembering, and I've been struggling ever since. It was very mixed time away, some lovely moments but my OCD kicked in on numerous triggers and I immediately asked my husband for reassurance on all of them and I've been in that cycle ever since. I'm relying on him for every thought I now get and its painful for him and I hate it. I'm sorry to off load that on you. I'm ok and I know what I have to do, it's just hard as I've got myself in a hole with my compulsions. I've got a busy day today so I'm hoping that will help. My husband is a teacher and he broke up yesterday so he's effectively on tap so I need to be strong for his sake. Again, I'm sorry to off load, I am ok and I know what I need to do. 

I hope you're having a good day lovely lady. Take care xxx

Please don't apologise em, you have been a massive support to me and I am glad that you feel you can share this with me.

Rememer this, you have made strides with some of your compulsions on the lower end of your heirachy and that is amazing. Sometimes however, we may slip, because of differing circumstances. You have been away to a different place and that can be hard in itself. New surroundings and routines etc. What I am trying to say is, do not worry that you have given in, it doesn't matter. What matters now is that you try and nip them in the bud so that you can move forward. 

Also, DO NOT be hard on yourself. Like myself, you are still learning how to deal with this disorder and we are trying to do all we can to help ourselves whilst we wait for therapy. That is worth patting yourself on the back.

Don't put too much pressure on yourself either, I'm trying no to! Take it easy and enjoy the time with your family, the less stress the better!

Stay strong lovely, Lisa x

[Unsurechap]

Lisa,

Just to let you know you are not alone - i have had difficult thoughts about children in the past and its horrific to have to deal with, you are not alone and plenty people on this forum have been where you are now. stay strong and have faith in yourself as a good person!

[JennieWren]

I'm glad you are determined to nip this one in the bud as it had me in its clutches for 3 or 4 years in different variations. It is all kinds of unnecessary HELL and I would hate you to go through what I did. Keep working at it. It will be so so worth it.

[Lisa davis]

53 minutes ago, JennieWren said:

I'm glad you are determined to nip this one in the bud as it had me in its clutches for 3 or 4 years in different variations. It is all kinds of unnecessary HELL and I would hate you to go through what I did. Keep working at it. It will be so so worth it.

Ah thank you so much Jennie. It's so horrid how something so innocent can turn into something so cruel. Also, how OCD can switch from one thing to another in the blink of an eye. I have been very very fortunate to have turned this one around. It wasn't easy of course but I persevered and have been able to let it go.

However, my main  theme of contamination is the one that is difficult for me, alongside worrying about being accused of doing wrong to others children. So I'm still in a difficult place at the moment but trying hard, thanks to the great advice and support from you guys on here, to do what I can until I receive therapy.

I hope you are doing well on your own journey, wishing you all the best. Thank you lovely, Lisa x

 

Edited December 20, 2017 by Lisa davis

[Emsie]

10 hours ago, Lisa davis said:

Please don't apologise em, you have been a massive support to me and I am glad that you feel you can share this with me.

Rememer this, you have made strides with some of your compulsions on the lower end of your heirachy and that is amazing. Sometimes however, we may slip, because of differing circumstances. You have been away to a different place and that can be hard in itself. New surroundings and routines etc. What I am trying to say is, do not worry that you have given in, it doesn't matter. What matters now is that you try and nip them in the bud so that you can move forward. 

Also, DO NOT be hard on yourself. Like myself, you are still learning how to deal with this disorder and we are trying to do all we can to help ourselves whilst we wait for therapy. That is worth patting yourself on the back.

Don't put too much pressure on yourself either, I'm trying no to! Take it easy and enjoy the time with your family, the less stress the better!

Stay strong lovely, Lisa x

Thank you so so much for your lovely message Lisa and all of your kind words, it really meant so much and I really appreciate your kind words of support and encouragement. Thank you so much too, I really feel I can share things with you, so a huge thank you. 

I can't thank you enough for all that you said, it really helped me and it really does mean so much to have your support. You have put such a positive spin on things for me and a huge thank you to you. 

I'm going to really try now to nip things in the bud and not react so quickly by seeking reassurance. It's a new day tomorrow and I will try really hard to treat it as a clean slate as today has been pretty bad. 

Thank you so much, I won't be hard on myself or put too much pressure on myself either. I'm so glad that you're trying not to put too much pressure on yourself either. You are so right about stress, I have been feeling stressed and that has made things worse I'm sure. I'm going to concentrate on the positives tomorrow and enjoy wrapping presents etc. 

I am so pleased for you that you have let go of your most recent false fear and that you've turned it around. That is so awesome and inspiring and a huge well done. That is such a huge achievement, be very proud. I know as you said in your reply to Jennie that you are still in a difficult place with other themes, but you can and will do this. You are so strong and determined, Lisa. 

Thank you again for everything, it means so much. Take it easy, enjoy your time with your family too and take care. 

Keep fighting lovely lady. Xxx

Edited December 20, 2017 by Emsie

[Lisa davis]

10 hours ago, Unsurechap said:

Lisa,

Just to let you know you are not alone - i have had difficult thoughts about children in the past and its horrific to have to deal with, you are not alone and plenty people on this forum have been where you are now. stay strong and have faith in yourself as a good person!

Hi unsurechap, I am so sorry for the late reply I somehow missed your message . Thank you so much for taking the time to reply, it's very reassuring to know I am not alone but I also hate to think of others suffering as I have/do. 

Sometimes, such as my above post, OCD just takes the wind from me sending me into a compete panic. Luckily, as I have learnt so much from this forum, I was able to rein the compulsions in and this theme has since depleted. I still have a way to go however but it's one day at a time at the moment and that is all I can ask of myself!

Thank you again unsure, I hope you are well, Lisa 

[Lisa davis]

37 minutes ago, Emsie said:

can't thank you enough for all that you said, it really helped me and it really does mean so much to have your support. You have put such a positive spin on things for me and a huge thank you to you. 

Hi em, thank you so much for your kind words, I am glad I have helped you as I hate to think you are struggling..I know only too well what that feels like. 

Take one day at a time, and give yourself credit for all your achievements however big or small. Don't look back, look forward.

Enjoy wrapping your pressies tomorrow, I hope you have a better day. Keep going em, you are doing so well in battling this, dont let a hiccup take that away, Lisa x

Edited December 20, 2017 by Lisa davis
Spelling error

[Emsie]

1 hour ago, Lisa davis said:

Hi em, thank you so much for your kind words, I am glad I have helped you as I hate to think you are struggling..I know only too well what that feels like. 

Take one day at a time, and give yourself credit for all your achievements however big or small. Don't look back, look forward.

Enjoy wrapping your pressies tomorrow, I hope you have a better day. Keep going em, you are doing so well in battling this, dont let a hiccup take that away, Lisa x

Bless you Lisa. You have helped me so much and thank you so much for all your lovely, kind words here. Your advice on how to move forward from this is so helpful, thank you so very much. 

Thank you so much for your kind wishes for my day tomorrow. I hope you have a good day tomorrow too. I will keep going, thank you, you are doing so well in battling this too. I won't let this take anything away and I'll start tomorrow with a clean slate. 

Thank you so much again for everything. Sending all my best wishes to you, keep fighting and keep going too lovely. 

Take care, Em xxx

Edited December 20, 2017 by Emsie