PhilM Posted December 16, 2017 Share Posted December 16, 2017 I didn't want to go into details on another forum user's thread as it was that person's thread. I remember the 2005 General Election and I took the next day off to watch the results with our lodger (not a big drinker) and we were both into politics (I'm not so much now - jaded) and we stayed up all night watching the results come in and I drank three bottles of red wine. At some point X said "bloody hell Phil, you've drunk a lot tonight". At the time to me it seemed normal. Because I was getting ridiculous amounts of free alcohol through work I had no RESPECT for alcohol as I hadn't paid for it. Fundamentally it was a crutch. I got to a point were I could drink massively and still go to work in the morning clean-shaven, showered, ironed shirt but felt terrible for obvious reasons beyond hangovers. I never craved alcohol but I did go to a few AA meetings after I split up with my partner which was a traumatic experience for both of us with all the emotional and financial issues. I learnt a lot from the fellowship and didn't drink for quite some time but ultimately I realised I wasn't an alcoholic as defined by AA - BUT I had to address my inappropriate use of alcohol and illicit substances. I like a drink - watching football or doing crosswords in good company. A couple of glasses of wine with my lovely wife at home. It is very rare now to get drunk. Hopefully this coherent post emphasises that. Best wishes, Phil. Link to comment
OceanDweller Posted December 16, 2017 Share Posted December 16, 2017 Very interesting story Phil. Thanks for sharing. I am what some would classify as an alcoholic (though I never use such labels as I consider them disempowering). I don’t drink anymore. Some days it’s a battle (especially when my mental health causes me to crave an instant escape). But I’m blessed because I achieved sobriety before alcohol killed me. Which it would’ve done had I continued to drink. Alcohol recovery is my Everest. And if I accomplish little else in my life, I’ll always be immensely PROUD (not a filthy a word as some in addiction treatment would have you believe) that I chose the path that I did, chose to live, at a time when addiction was killing many of those around me. Link to comment
PhilM Posted December 16, 2017 Author Share Posted December 16, 2017 (edited) You should be proud of your achievements OD and having known something things about your life with OCD and other issues | have always had a lot of respect for you. I know and have known a lot of people who've stopped using specific "poisons" and don't seem very happy - you don't come across that way. Self questions - why on earth would I take drugs that don't need to be mentioned by name? Why would I want to wake up taking Ibrufofen (sic) or Paracetamol (sic) - sorry about the spelling (!) to kick start my day and feel awful with intrusive thoughts that were 10 times worse? than the day before because I was hungover or "coming down". Why would I gamble again after almost two years? I would have to be in a very bad place to put a bet on a horse to do with "inappropriate distraction". Best wishes, Phil. Edited December 16, 2017 by PhilM Link to comment
taurean Posted December 16, 2017 Share Posted December 16, 2017 (edited) I think excessive drinking doesn't solve any problems, but it does create them. I enjoy a pint or a glass of wine, and am otherwise happy drinking water, squash (no added sugar) or an occasional sugar free cola. Edited December 16, 2017 by taurean error Link to comment
OceanDweller Posted December 16, 2017 Share Posted December 16, 2017 That’s very kind of you to say Phil. I reciprocate in full. As for happiness, I still have my dark periods. Who doesn’t? But give me intrusive thoughts and depression over alcohol seizures and hallucinations any day. Link to comment
PhilM Posted December 16, 2017 Author Share Posted December 16, 2017 When I was a kid I definitely think I had manifestations of OCD like smelling my hands because I felt they were "dirty". When the "real horror" kicked in at 23 all I did was concentrate on academic achievements - my BA and MA and a sensible approach to alcohol and no drugs. I wasn't "well" but achieving things made me feel "normal". I started working for a publishing company in 1999 and one sunny day a member of staff opened the blinds and for the first time I saw opposite a primary school. The fear was horrendous. I was actually having to work next door to a school - classic response to untreated OCD. As time moved on I was promoted to senior reporter, feature editor and deputy editor on a magazine but there was always a private and shameful background - lots of C offered in functions in London, ridiculous amounts of alcohol and then tranquillisers. My OCD has always waxed and waned but I know for a fact that I now choose to drink moderately, not take drugs and with the help of my GP, my wife and BRILLIANT members on this forum have addressed the Valium issue - almost. Someone said to me the hard work starts when you are off the tranquillisers completely which I agree with but the start of the journey was hell. Here I am on 2mg a day from 40mg in April 2016. I'm not into self-approval but I know I've done well. Thank you friends. Phil. Link to comment
lostinme Posted December 16, 2017 Share Posted December 16, 2017 I think that both you and OceanDweller should be feeling really proud of what you both have managed to achieve Well done to you both, what a great achievement Link to comment
PhilM Posted December 17, 2017 Author Share Posted December 17, 2017 Thank you Lostintime. Link to comment
OceanDweller Posted December 17, 2017 Share Posted December 17, 2017 12 hours ago, lostinme said: I think that both you and OceanDweller should be feeling really proud of what you both have managed to achieve Well done to you both, what a great achievement Thank you lost. Link to comment
JennieWren Posted December 17, 2017 Share Posted December 17, 2017 Not only have you both overcome great personal difficulties, but you share them on this forum. By doing this you help so many other people. You show people that it can be done. I recognise life still isn't always easy still but you've come very far. choosing to live OD is definitely something to be proud of. Learning to take care of yourself and turn your life around is inspiring. Link to comment
OceanDweller Posted December 17, 2017 Share Posted December 17, 2017 1 minute ago, JennieWren said: Not only have you both overcome great personal difficulties, but you share them on this forum. By doing this you help so many other people. You show people that it can be done. I recognise life still isn't always easy still but you've come very far. choosing to live OD is definitely something to be proud of. Learning to take care of yourself and turn your life around is inspiring. Thank you Jennie. I know you have made your own decision with regards to sobriety so kudos to you. My war is never won, but I win the battle a day at a time. Link to comment
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