I feel so sick in the stomach (merged threads)

[lily17]

We were in a pub and I looked at my sister, she looks pretty and there’s nothing wrong with appreciating beauty. That’s the conclusion I got when I was starting to feel bad. But then, I got the purpose of looking at her again to see how I felt so as I was sitting on a chair, I crossed my legs and looked at her, which I’ve liked (I think I just liked the feeling in my parts)  I wasn't even thinking I don’t know what this is I can’t. I didn’t pretend to please myself while looking at her, I just happened to cross my legs when I looked at her and made this foolish face, I guess... then I tested myself doing the same and one of the times I looked right into her face while testing myself and I felt awful  I still don’t understand why would I do this for real. I’m not attracted to her, she’s my little sister. 

Edited December 17, 2017 by lily17

[lily17]

I guess it was all a coincidence and OCD is making it feel like a big deal? I honestly don’t know. I would never do that thinking of my little sister. Besides, I thought she looked cute. Cute. Not sexy or nothing sick ew. I didn’t want to do anything thinking of her..

[HDC]

The second look at her sounds like a compulsions as you said it was for checking purposes... It's the same process Lily just keep trying to stop compulsions and not connect to the ocd topics!

[JennieWren]

11 minutes ago, lily17 said:

I guess it was all a coincidence and OCD is making it feel like a big deal?

YES. 

[Headwreck]

Hi Lily 

The fact that you feel repulsed gives you the push you need to realise that this is your OCD. If this was a genuine thought then you would not share your repulsion and you would continue to actively seek these situations with no guilt or worry.

Stop.

Push your mind into another train of thought, read a book, watch a film, something to take you away from this thought before it spirals. This is not good for your wellbeing. 

Best Wishes 

HW

[lily17]

1 hour ago, HDC said:

The second look at her sounds like a compulsions as you said it was for checking purposes... It's the same process Lily just keep trying to stop compulsions and not connect to the ocd topics!

Thank you, HDC!  

[lily17]

1 hour ago, JennieWren said:

YES. 

Thank you, Jennie 

[lily17]

1 hour ago, Headwreck said:

Hi Lily 

The fact that you feel repulsed gives you the push you need to realise that this is your OCD. If this was a genuine thought then you would not share your repulsion and you would continue to actively seek these situations with no guilt or worry.

Stop.

Push your mind into another train of thought, read a book, watch a film, something to take you away from this thought before it spirals. This is not good for your wellbeing. 

Best Wishes 

HW

What you said made me feel so relieved, thank you so so much  

[CAH_05]

When anxiety and thoughts are this high the best thing to do is distraction. It's hard to do but keep practising it and you will get there.

have u read about OCD and how it works? obviously you know you are suffering from OCD otherwise you would not be posting on this site. Try your best to realy understand what is happening in your brain at the moment. Understand that when anxiety is high the thoughts feeling like high speed trains constant passing through your head. This won't always be the case but for now distract yourself as much as possible.

i wish I could take my own advise sometimes as I am not doing so great at the moment myself. I understand that desperation and despair you feel. And also how hard it is to stop the compulsions and checking, this is something I can't seem to master at the moment.

[PhilM]

It's another manifestation of the same condition. I don't mean that dismissively but the thoughts aren't the problem, it's the reaction.

Lily you've had more advice in two months than I had in 12 + years. What do you think you can do help yourself beyond lengthy posts and posts about suicide?

[lily17]

33 minutes ago, CAH_05 said:

When anxiety and thoughts are this high the best thing to do is distraction. It's hard to do but keep practising it and you will get there.

have u read about OCD and how it works? obviously you know you are suffering from OCD otherwise you would not be posting on this site. Try your best to realy understand what is happening in your brain at the moment. Understand that when anxiety is high the thoughts feeling like high speed trains constant passing through your head. This won't always be the case but for now distract yourself as much as possible.

i wish I could take my own advise sometimes as I am not doing so great at the moment myself. I understand that desperation and despair you feel. And also how hard it is to stop the compulsions and checking, this is something I can't seem to master at the moment.

Hi, thank you so much. You should take your own advise because I've found it so helpful, thank you. The thoughts are the worst, especially when they feel so real, but we gotta keep fighting.

[JennieWren]

Seeking reassurance that it was OCD is only going to work until the next thought!!!!

Lily I reckon you do know what to do a lot of the time, you are simply struggling to do it. We've all been there. And I think you can answer your own questions really. You are wiser than you let on. You know it's OCD, posting in the way you do is simply a compulsion. I think this because of the excellent and on point advice you have given me when you haven't been compulsively posting. It's like talking to two different people. 

[lily17]

16 minutes ago, PhilM said:

It's another manifestation of the same condition. I don't mean that dismissively but the thoughts aren't the problem, it's the reaction.

Lily you've had more advice in two months than I had in 12 + years. What do you think you can do help yourself beyond lengthy posts and posts about suicide?

I can't change the reaction when it feel so real. A similar situation happened, I was sitting in a chair and my sister was sitting in the sofa, I made a movement with my pelvis and said hello to her in a silly way, before doing it I had the thought I was doing it legit for sexual reasons and it feels like I had that intention but it was an uncontrollable thought because my mind is still going round and round over the event this morning. I hate OCD so much... when I was dettaching myself from the obsession with my sister then BOOM! I have to believe it's all OCD. I'm sorry for being like this as it seems like it frustrates you me having had so much advice  

[JennieWren]

2 minutes ago, lily17 said:

I have to believe it's all OCD

Yes believe it's all OCD 

[lily17]

Just now, JennieWren said:

Seeking reassurance that it was OCD is only going to work until the next thought!!!!

Lily I reckon you do know what to do a lot of the time, you are simply struggling to do it. We've all been there. And I think you can answer your own questions really. You are wiser than you let on. You know it's OCD, posting in the way you do is simply a compulsion. I think this because of the excellent and on point advice you have given me when you haven't been compulsively posting. It's like talking to two different people. 

I've been struggling to even breathe. It's been crazy up there. I'm not that wise as you mention... to be honest I'm such a fool because I'm going backwards. I know how the condition works but when it's so real it's like it feels true and it can't be OCD. But I guess that it can... it has that power over all of us. I'm glad the advice I gave you was useful to you, makes me feel so good to be honest. Thank you Jennie x

[JennieWren]

Just now, lily17 said:

But I guess that it can...

Yes it can. It can and it will always surprise you and try new tricks out on you. But when you do eventually realise what's happening then call it what it is. No maybe's.

[lily17]

Just now, JennieWren said:

Yes it can. It can and it will always surprise you and try new tricks out on you. But when you do eventually realise what's happening then call it what it is. No maybe's.

Definitely. I have to believe in myself. Today's been an awful day and your words have made me feel a lot better  

[Ashley]

5 minutes ago, lily17 said:

I've been struggling to even breathe. It's been crazy up there. I'm not that wise as you mention... to be honest I'm such a fool because I'm going backwards. I know how the condition works but when it's so real it's like it feels true and it can't be OCD. But I guess that it can... it has that power over all of us. 

The problem is Lily, you say you can't breathe and OCD feels so strong.  But from what I can tell, every time you have an intrusive thought, you are jumping on here and posting, and seemingly seeking reassurance.  I get that, I get that's how OCD makes you feel, we  have all been there at one time or another.   The problem is you are given the advice and the education, but I am not seeing how you are doing anything to think it through for yourself, your first instinct seems to be reach out for reassurance. 

So how about if we help you draw up a bullet point plan / check list that you can refer to when you are next triggered (and you will be until you deal with the OCD).  Whilst such a check list is potentially a reassurance tool in itself, if worded correctly so that you have to think it through yourself, it will hopefully be an educational tool that you can use / refer to rather than reaching straight out to the forum.

[Gary.p]

11 minutes ago, JennieWren said:

 

It's another manifestation of the same condition. I don't mean that dismissively but the thoughts aren't the problem, it's the reaction.

Lily you've had more advice in two months than I had in 12 + years. What do you think you can do help yourself beyond lengthy posts and posts about suicide?

 

Perhaps you should consider Lily’s age Phil. 

 

 

[PhilM]

Well maybe but there is a section on the forum for younger users. Lily chooses to post here.

Best wishes, Phil

[Bodger]

1 hour ago, PhilM said:

It's another manifestation of the same condition. I don't mean that dismissively but the thoughts aren't the problem, it's the reaction.

Lily you've had more advice in two months than I had in 12 + years. What do you think you can do help yourself beyond lengthy posts and posts about suicide?

This is harsh again Phil. I agree with Gary p.

Lily, please ignore this post.

[Ashley]

It's the season to goodwill to all men, so lets play nicely please people.  

If you can't play nicely together then please go to your profile (click your name top right) and add the names of users you don't wish to see in the 'ignored users' section.  Because that may be a better option than if I have to step in

[Caramoole]

2 hours ago, Ashley said:

It's the season to goodwill to all men, so lets play nicely please people.  

If you can't play nicely together then please go to your profile (click your name top right) and add the names of users you don't wish to see in the 'ignored users' section.  Because that may be a better option than if I have to step in

Agree entirely!  

The forum isn't best used for point-scoring.  If there's a genuine complaint, use the Report button folks, please, and we'll review it!

[PolarBear]

Reassurance seeking is a problem Lily has but there is a flip side to that coin. Too many people are willing to give reassurance to her. It's not doing her any good.

I know the natural response is to want to comfort but it backfires every time when it involves compulsions.

[lily17]

I'm an otaku (anime fan) and the other day I saw that someone posted a link of hentai, which is anime porn and it has a lot of types. So I got curious and I clicked on the link and I scrolled down the main page and there were screenshots of the videos, I didn't watch any videos because I thought it was disgusting but I got a bit aroused. Then a girl called my attention and I thought she had small breasts and I supposed she was a loli (underage girl) but her body look a bit older and I kind of liked it or I don't know but then I checked every single screenshot I saw to see if they had the 'loli' hashtag and some of them had them, including this girl and yesterday I remembered this and went to that website again during a Skype call with a friend whom I've told about this and he said I had a grossed out face whilst checking out this website. I've got obsessed with this girl as her body is drawn to appear older but her face is of a child and it disturbs me. I went to that website to check my response about four times and every single time I felt awful. I didn't masturbate to it or anything at all but last night I remember being in bed and testing myself breathing whilst thinking about the girl and not liking it... but then it's like I had this urge to masturbate to it and it felt so damn real I was actually so so afraid to do it. Then I lay on my chest and I was having groinal responses and the image of this anime girl being flashed onto my mind and thinking that I would tell my friend in the morning that I'd done 'things' thinking of her but not masturbate and I don't know if it was just a thought or it happened but I am 100% sure that I didn't masturbate in any form but there's something missing that I can't recall and I'm ruminating. Just for the record, I've always watched anime that I consider healthy (incest, pedophilic or any other toxic topics out of it as I completely can't stand it). I just need a little bit of help with this as I feel so terrible