Ashley Posted December 31, 2017 Share Posted December 31, 2017 Ok, I can understand that. But unless you implement some sort of change this will just become groundhog day for you, and nothing positive changes. So what are you doing or going to do to implement change to deal with these thoughts and feelings? Link to comment
lily17 Posted December 31, 2017 Author Share Posted December 31, 2017 2 minutes ago, OceanDweller said: We all want you to feel better Lily. 18 years of age with the debilitating OCD you have must be very scary. However... you need to start putting in the work. Lengthy, written ruminations on the forum are a no no. Modifying the way in which you respond to the intrusive thoughts is essential - you’re falling for them each and every time. You’re like a boxer sticking her chin out just waiting to be punched! And you need distraction Lily. Volunteer, study, work. OCD is occupying every waking moment. Simply put, you will not improve your situation by continuing to do what you’ve been doing for the previous however many months. New year tomorrow. Chance for a new start. So I challenge you Lily... what changes are you going to make to begin to turn this around? It’s so scary, I don't know what 2018 will bring to me. I hope it’s self-forgiveness for all of my bad actions. I’ve tried many times to change my reaction but it only makes it worse because I’m too used to reacting bad that if I don’t... it explodes in my face. It’s like I try and then I find another meaning to that reactions and that goes on and on... Link to comment
OceanDweller Posted December 31, 2017 Share Posted December 31, 2017 3 minutes ago, lily17 said: Motivation... Action often breeds motivation. If you don’t have any to begin with, force yourself into engaging. Link to comment
OceanDweller Posted December 31, 2017 Share Posted December 31, 2017 Just now, lily17 said: what changes are you going to make to begin to turn this around? Same question Lily. Link to comment
lily17 Posted December 31, 2017 Author Share Posted December 31, 2017 2 minutes ago, Ashley said: Ok, I can understand that. But unless you implement some sort of change this will just become groundhog day for you, and nothing positive changes. So what are you doing or going to do to implement change to deal with these thoughts and feelings? I guess today I’ll have to get up because today’s New Year’s Eve... and I can’t change the reaction today. Maybe I can but I feel so guilty, I believe I don’t deserve anything. Link to comment
lily17 Posted December 31, 2017 Author Share Posted December 31, 2017 2 minutes ago, OceanDweller said: Action often breeds motivation. If you don’t have any to begin with, force yourself into engaging. Even if I can’t stop crying and all I wanna do is lie on the floor? What a mess Link to comment
lily17 Posted December 31, 2017 Author Share Posted December 31, 2017 1 minute ago, OceanDweller said: Same question Lily. I still don’t know how. Everything has a double meaning even the new reactions I apply to make it better. I’m so done Link to comment
OceanDweller Posted December 31, 2017 Share Posted December 31, 2017 2 minutes ago, lily17 said: Even if I can’t stop crying and all I wanna do is lie on the floor? What a mess Yes. Get off the floor and start putting plans in place. Folk will be far more inclined to help you if they see you helping yourself. Link to comment
PhilM Posted December 31, 2017 Share Posted December 31, 2017 You're NOT done. You are confused, scared and very upset but you CAN improve your condition with helpful distractions and appropriate therapy. Link to comment
HDC Posted December 31, 2017 Share Posted December 31, 2017 17 minutes ago, PhilM said: You're NOT done. You are confused, scared and very upset but you CAN improve your condition with helpful distractions and appropriate therapy. I second this. I can't give you the reassurance you want. But you can easily feel the pain you are in, And we can all see it. You wouldn't feel so much pain if you were the bad person you think yourself to be. Put it all down to OCD. The touching, the 'enjoying it', the sexual reasons, the negative self talk, the doubt, the compulsions. It's all OCD. Leave it alone and refocus your energy it's hard. We all know, we've all been there but you have to take the leap and start believing it's OCD and leaving it as that. Link to comment
PolarBear Posted December 31, 2017 Share Posted December 31, 2017 Oh my god! You touched your dog's paw! How awful! Take a breath. All the rest of it, you trying to figure out if you liked it, looking at motivations, are compulsions. Its all OCD. It's been OCD since the first time you posted and it's still OCD today. Change what you are doing or you will continue being in the same awful place you are in now. Link to comment
lily17 Posted January 2, 2018 Author Share Posted January 2, 2018 Happy belated New Year to you all. I’ve been doing better these days, I was able to touch my dog again but I’m still fearful. I was heading to my grandma’s house, thinking “what if I mess up and I touch him for sexual reasons” like it seems like I was thinking about doing it, so I hesitated to enter the door, I was scared, I didn’t want to do that. Then of course when I showed up at the door, he jumped onto my legs, as dogs do to say hello and I pulled him off with my leg saying “no!” And then I had a groinal response and I felt bad because I wasn’t supposed to touch him because of the thoughts I had before entering my grandma’s house, I’m scared of my intent. It seems to be sexual Link to comment
Ashley Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 22 minutes ago, lily17 said: And then I had a groinal response and I felt bad because I wasn’t supposed to touch him because of the thoughts I had before entering my grandma’s house, I’m scared of my intent. It seems to be sexual Sorry you're having a bad time lily and I want to help you, but it feels like groundhog day. I don't wish to be rude, but in three month you have made 848 posts and I am willing to bet 75% of them are wordings along the quoted lines. We all want to help you, but it seems this cycle of you posting > we respond > you ignore > you post again > repeat > repeat > repeat. It's not helpful for you, it's not helpful for the forum. I won't allow this cycle to continue through 2018. I urge you to please find some time this week, and click your profile > click 'see my activity'. Then find all your posts, and pull them up and gloss over your posts as they wont help you, but spend a few days reading all the replies you have had. Some of those replies are really helpful, and if you can focus on them a little it may be the key to help you unlock this cycle will be there. Link to comment
Zazoo Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 Lily: If there's one thing I've learned over the past year when it comes to sexual type OCD's is that thoughts do not equal actions or intent. I've managed to in the last year get to the point where I was actively avoiding my fear to now being okay and even occasionally comfortable around it/them. The thoughts are scary yes, but that's all they are. If you can confront the fear or at least start too then that's a step forward, it took me along time to do that so remember your not alone. Cheers and hope your okay today. Link to comment
Caramoole Posted January 2, 2018 Share Posted January 2, 2018 9 hours ago, Ashley said: We all want to help you, but it seems this cycle of you posting > we respond > you ignore > you post again > repeat > repeat > repeat. It's not helpful for you, it's not helpful for the forum. I won't allow this cycle to continue through 2018 I agree very much with this. We cannot become a forum that allows itself to become a vessel for supporting compulsions, something that guarantees that a sufferer will stay locked in the cycle. We all know what it's like to be locked in that dreadful cycle of anxiety, fear and compulsive behaviour but there does come a point that armed with advice and facts we have to take responsibility to make the changes, despite the anxiety. It is the only way forward. We are not helpless or unable to start to make those changes, we are all capable of starting the journey to change the outcome. Link to comment
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