how to overcome this?

[Ironborn]

Hello all.

For a while now ive been dealing with OCD. but recently ive been getting obsessions about an other subject which im not sure is OCD or just the truth.

I am in the military right now, also im doing a therapy for my ocd which are 4 days per week tue-fri for 12 weeks in total im going into my 3th week tomorrow.

Once im done with the therapy in april im going to quit my job at the military and work at a company of some friends of mine.

Now the thing im having alot of obsessions about is my being a soldier and also a veteran, ive realised that i am part of an organisation that maybe has killed thousands of people also innocent people.
altough luckily ive never had to pull te trigger myself in these past 12,5 years. i still feel i am to blame for the deaths that have fallen, because im part of this organisation and thus enabling others to murder people. which makes me a (mass) murderer aswell.

Ever since this hs come up i just cannot seem to get rid of it, also not with cbt, because in the end what i am saying is true i do am part of such an organisation that had killed alot of people.

I feel so much guilt everyday that i just cannot deal with it.


The same goes for me not eating meat or animal products anymore, because i feel i enable animal cruelty by eating and drinking animal products, and this goes on and on, i feel guilty for driving my car which causes air polution and kills animals, people, and other living things..


What can i do about this? im so confused.


Im a 100% sure its not PTSD because before my ocd came up a couple of years ago, i never thought about this.


To me OCD sometimes feels like its the next level of evolution to human beings, as if OCD gives you the insight into what is right and wrong. therefore its hard for me to just say 'well its OCD so its not true'. What if its not OCD but just us humans evolving into more sensitive and empathetic human beings??

[JennieWren]

I think ocd can latch onto true things. It is the truth that armies kill. But ocd tells you only half a story. Armies also protect. They keep people safe. So it is important to give balance to your viewpoint. Something that ocd is good at obliterating. Just like everything in life armies have good parts and bad parts. And all you can do is choose a career instead that you think is better.

i am a gardener with an allotment, which has taught me a lot. Whatever choices you make about your life, particularly what you eat, it will have an effect on the rest of the world.

When I dig the soil, although I am mindful, sometimes I kill a worm. And I am followed by birds that eat the worms pulled to the surface by my spade. Even veganism causes death. This is not anyone’s fault and nothing is wrong. This is the nature of life. It may not be ideal but better to make peace with it and make the best choices we can. All we can do is to try and live wisely. To see that nature and living is about mindful balance.

[St Mike]

5 hours ago, Ironborn said:

OCD gives you the insight into what is right and wrong

It is quite the opposite, OCD destroys insight and causes imbalance in thinking and perception. OCD causes guilt, self torment and self-hatred in many sufferers when they should be leading happy lives, loving and caring for themselves. It makes the sufferer a very selfish, judgemental person towards themselves.

5 hours ago, Ironborn said:

What can i do about this? im so confused.

Since you are currently undergoing treatment, do speak to the therapist about all your concerns if you haven't already done so. They should be at the moment, the most qualified to help you.

Edited January 22, 2018 by St Mike

[gingerbreadgirl]

OCD can definitely latch onto things which have a kernel of truth, which can make them feel very alluring.  Anything with an element of moral complexity is ripe for OCD to pick, as it is impossible to pin down or "prove" one way or another. 

As Jennie says, the subject of the military is not black and white and there will be many different opinions, but I think most people would agree it is necessary in the world we live in.  Yes there is kiling but there is also plenty of good as well.  It's complicated and OCD likes to torture you with this type of "grey area" scenario - that's what OCD does.

My advice is to learn to tolerate the grey area, sit with the discomfort you feel and don't try to argue with it, just let it be there, let it be a thing which has happened and now you have some uncomfortable feelings about and let that be OK.  Get on with your day, do nice things, and allow the discomfort to be there.

5 hours ago, Ironborn said:

To me OCD sometimes feels like its the next level of evolution to human beings, as if OCD gives you the insight into what is right and wrong.

I completely disagree with this.  OCD destroys insight completely.  Think about it - when someone on this forum has OCD about something and you can clearly see it is OCD and logically it is about a trivial issue, do you think "this person clearly has great insight" or do you think "this person is clearly suffering in the grips of OCD and has lost all perspective on this?" I know what I think.