Therapist made recording for me about how my intrusive thoughts are true

[Ryukil]

So, I have to listen to a recording by my therapist telling me that, basically, my intrusive thoughts are true, that I am a rapist or pedophile, that having these kinds of thoughts mean I actually do want to do these things (even with family members). I'm supposed to listen to it six times each day. For instance in the recording he talks about how people who have these thoughts are the kinds of people who have the potential to carry out the acts, but we don't know until it's already too late.

 

I understand what he's going for, but does it really have to be taken this far? For instance, I thought it was okay to realize these are *just* intrusive thoughts and I can ignore them, especially when the main compulsion is me decontaminating things, for example if I'm reading a book or something and get one of these bad thoughts while reading a sentence, I have a compulsion to restart that sentence. In the past I've gotten past the urge to restart the sentence by realizing that my OCD is tricking me, making me think I enjoyed the thought.  I don't know if I can handle doing it his way.

Edited January 30, 2018 by Ryukil

[californiadreaming]

In my experience, yes - triggering yourself helps you desensitize. So, when another OCD thought comes in, you're not as alarmed by it. I wrote out scripts for ERP and did them multiple times a day. I found it extremely helpful. 

[Ryukil]

Doesn't this seem a little too extreme? 

[gingerbreadgirl]

1 minute ago, Ryukil said:

Doesn't this seem a little too extreme? 

to me it doesn't seem extreme, it seems a good idea.

[Ryukil]

It's really bad to remind myself that I'm only worried I'm turned on by thoughts of sexual assault because I have OCD, and not because I'm actually a rapist?

[PolarBear]

See right there you're ruminating, analyzing your reaction to hearing the recording. Thats what you need to stop.

And no, it's not extreme.

Edited January 30, 2018 by PolarBear

[paradoxer]

Ryukil, tough, but not extreme. You need to get to a place where those things are like water of a duck's back. 

[taurean]

We have to learn that our intrusions are nothing more than a mental distortion, suggesting we would act out of character. 

We can't run away from them - we need to hear them but know they are not true so they start to no longer hurt us. 

Initially exposure work is painful, but the ultimate prize will be desensitisation and no pain.

Edited January 31, 2018 by taurean

[Ryukil]

Ok...but my therapist is telling me to say that they ARE true and ARE indications of how I would act.

[gingerbreadgirl]

Yep - this is exposure.  Eventually you will habituate.

[Ryukil]

I know you guys are trying to help me...but...let's be honest. Many people have gotten past their OCD without vigorously agreeing that their thoughts are true reflections of their own desires. Shannon Shy, who wrote "It'll Be Okay," is at least one example. 

We all know that it's possible to overcome intrusive thoughts even by realizing that they're just meaningless mental static. However, I guess as long as I'm going to this therapist I have to sort of pretend that that's not true...and I'm not trying to be a jerk in saying that. I'm just saying that I should try and do it his way, I guess...

[Ashley]

25 minutes ago, Ryukil said:

We all know that it's possible to overcome intrusive thoughts even by realizing that they're just meaningless mental static.

Some people think that, but it's wrong, just plain wrong.  Accepting our intrusive thoughts as mental static or mental chatter is helpful, but by the same token quickly can become a form of reassurance, which is why your therapist is suggesting you focus on exposing yourself to the fact the thoughts are true indications of who you are.    By not doing so is akin to me putting my hand into toilet water but telling myself it's just normal water, it's not toilet water.  It's defeating the purpose of the exercise. 

 

25 minutes ago, Ryukil said:

However, I guess as long as I'm going to this therapist I have to sort of pretend that that's not true...and I'm not trying to be a jerk in saying that. I'm just saying that I should try and do it his way, I guess...

You should do it the therapists way, they know far better than you, me and most others online. But don't bother wasting your own time or the therapists time if you are going to do it half hearted.

My advice is at the start of the next session, explain and share your concerns, give the therapist chance to explain the process again to help you understand why you need to do the exercise and do it with 100%.

 

25 minutes ago, Ryukil said:

Many people have gotten past their OCD without vigorously agreeing that their thoughts are true reflections of their own desires

Clearly what is missing from your understanding, is the explanation about why you need to do this which is about facing our fears head on, our worse case fears as I mentioned above, which is why you must start the next session by asking the therapist to explain it all to you again so you understand why you must do it the way the therapist is suggesting.

It won't be easy, and it may not work at first, it may things worse initially but if you stick at it, and do not self neutralise then in time this will help, this will work and I can not say this any clearer than this, I totally trust your therapists suggestion. 

 

[Ryukil]

I know you're trying to help me, but you're telling me this therapist knows better than you or me...he scoffed at the fact that NHS therapists focus so much on the cognitive aspect when I brought up that I had been told how important that is many times on this forum, so...He said ERP is the main point of therapy, and that UK OCD therapy is in disarray.

 

Actually, I always thought the cognitive part was superfluous as well.

Edited January 31, 2018 by Ryukil

[Orwell1984]

12 minutes ago, Ashley said:

Some people think that, but it's wrong, just plain wrong.  Accepting our intrusive thoughts as mental static or mental chatter is helpful, but by the same token quickly can become a form of reassurance

But this is how I have been surviving the best I've ever been with OCD since 2011 

[Ashley]

16 minutes ago, Ryukil said:

I know you're trying to help me, but you're telling me this therapist knows better than you or me..

In what he is asking you to do he does.    

 

On other aspects, I wont comment as that wont help you face up to the fact you need to do this. 

[Ashley]

1 minute ago, Orwell1984 said:

But this is how I have been surviving the best I've ever been with OCD since 2011 

Fantastic, we all need to learn how to survive, and that in itself is worth weight in gold.  But if we want to go beyond surviving to recovering then maybe we need to rock the boar and risk a few splashes of water

[Orwell1984]

4 minutes ago, Ashley said:

Fantastic, we all need to learn how to survive, and that in itself is worth weight in gold.  But if we want to go beyond surviving to recovering then maybe we need to rock the boar and risk a few splashes of water

Will do  thank you

[Ashley]

16 minutes ago, Ryukil said:

Actually, I always thought the cognitive part was superfluous as well.

So what do you want to do to get better?  If I think back to your other posts I am not sure where you want to go with this Ryukil?   Firstly you rejected our suggestions about CBT last year, that's fine, that's your choice.  Then you didn't want to do ERP without a therapist, again that's fine, that's your choice. 

Now you have an ERP therapist you don't seem to want to accept what he's asking you to do is right either. I get the impression you're posting today in the hope we will tell you the therapist is wrong and you shouldn't do the exercise?  Yes/No?

Ultimately it's up to you what you do, we can only advise based off our lived experience of dealing with OCD and treating OCD with some levels of success. Ultimately it's up to you if you want to listen or not.  Good luck whatever you decide to do.    I hope you find your path to recovery. 

[Ashley]

1 minute ago, Orwell1984 said:

Will do  thank you

Clearly I meant rock the boat, not rock the boar... if you do that you might be upsetting a wild animal which could result in lost fingers 

[Ryukil]

1 minute ago, Ashley said:

So what do you want to do to get better?  If I think back to your other posts I am not sure where you want to go with this Ryukil?   Firstly you rejected our suggestions about CBT last year, that's fine, that's your choice.  Then you didn't want to do ERP without a therapist, again that's fine, that's your choice. 

Now you have an ERP therapist you don't seem to want to accept what he's asking you to do is right either. I get the impression you're posting today in the hope we will tell you the therapist is wrong and you shouldn't do the exercise?  Yes/No?

Ultimately it's up to you what you do, we can only advise based off our lived experience of dealing with OCD and treating OCD with some levels of success. Ultimately it's up to you if you want to listen or not.  Good luck whatever you decide to do.    I hope you find your path to recovery. 

You're right, I'm probably looking for someone to tell me that this therapist is wrong. Personally, it seems obvious that you don't HAVE TO agree with intrusive thoughts, and  I'm basing that off of many people who have RECOVERED without explicitly agreeing with the thoughts, even reminding themselves that they're OCD's thoughts. I would check out Shannon Shy's book as an example, a guy who is fully recovered today and I believe is the President of the IOCDF? Look at the methodology in his book. If I came up with that methodology and posted it here, you would tell me it's a "compulsion." Here's a message he literally just sent me: "I agree that reminding myself that it is OCD was the biggest help in allowing the thoughts and resisting giving in to the compulsions. Hang in there, bro."

 

I mean...isn't one of the major parts of OCD black-and-white thinking? So I would say that, when it comes to treatment, it's clear that different things work for different people...it's not black-and-white.

[Ashley]

You're still doing it, you don't want to take on board what we're saying and are clearly reaching out to people to tell you what you want to hear.

Perhaps that's why you still have OCD? 

Listen to the therapist, man you're paying him enough money! 

[Ryukil]

Honestly, it's totally possible that I could have done self-help back in September and had success. Unfortunately, I started obsessing about whether or not I HAD to go to therapy (like, it's against the OCD law to do any kind of self-administered therapy). Of course, that was just an obsession.

Oh well. I guess I have to stick with this. I'm totally ****** either way, in my opinion. I guess I'm going to totally give up on everything pretty soon.

Edited February 1, 2018 by Ryukil

[Ashley]

Sorry but with an attitude like that perhaps I should focus on helping others who don't plan on giving up and are open to advice. 

[Ashley]

The forum is here to help, but we can't help you until you start helping yourself. 

[Ryukil]

Nah, I just mean that it's nice to realize that I CAN just give up later. I didn't say I was giving up on therapy. I mean after therapy, if it doesn't work and things just get too much...I can just live in a small room for the rest of my life making money online, getting drunk, etc. Who cares? I've spent so long worrying about improving my life.