feeling hopeless

[Rover92]

I sometimes worry that I may never find my way out of this wilderness that is OCD. I think it's being fuelled by past mistakes (really awful mistakes) which have trapped me in this mindset of 'Im a bad person.  I've tried to say to myself "the size or scale of the mistake doesn't matter, mistakes are still mistakes"  I've made these mistakes quite a few times, which then makes me think "surely if I kept on making these mistakes, I must be a bad person?" I suppose this all falls into the rumination category, but I really need to get to the bottom of this as its starting to eat away at me. 

I need to leave a relationship as its making me unhappy and anxious, which is also causIng anxiety as if I leave then I will look at myself as a bad person for causing sadness in another person. But if I stay I know I will continue to feel how I do now; unfulfilled, under appreciated and abit depressed at times. None of this OCD stuff was happening before this relationship began, so I think this is a huge part of my problem

 

For the first time in ages, I feel like I'm without hope. Alone. I'm worrying about the ramifications of calling time on this relationship and I'm driving myself into despair. please will someone just tell me what I want to hear. Trying to deal with these feelings of guilt and self loathing and anxiety and fear is proving to be a big burden.

 

 

 

[Symps07]

Hi Rover,

I think you just need to do what you feel is best for you in regards to this relationship. It sounds as though whatever choice you make your OCD will want to make it presence felt, so do whats best for you & be prepared to deal with your OCD whatever choice you make & don't be so hard on yourself, you're human & you deserve to be happy as much as anybody else!

Symps

[ZachG18]

Life is all about making decisions. Most are not easy.. but they must be done. Positivity and persistence are both extremely important when the OCD comes along too!

[Kestrel]

HI Rover 92,

I don't know if this will help, I've only come on here myself for advice. I saw your email and have experienced  of a similar situation.

Your not alone, I feel the same. I had 20 years of coping with OCD and then a relationship I was in wasn't going well and something in me just started breaking apart. Then my partner broke up with me and I completely lost it.  My OCD which I suffered as a child came flooding back and now I'm completely lost. I gave up my job and had to move back with my parents because I just can't cope with anything.

Were all fuelled by our past relationships. But what ever it was you did your not a bad person. Is there any way you can tell your partner what's going on.  If you don't love this person and its making you feel unhappy then you should end things. But at least give your partner the reasons why your leaving then your not a bad person. But obviously you might not be able to give the real reasons. They may not understand and be sad but you did the right thing.   

What are the ramifications about ending this relationship ?

Kestrel