No official diagnose

[GreyCat]

It seems to be impossible for me to get an official diagnose and I'm not sure if it's OCD but I desperately need help

[GreyCat]

I would be thankful for any advice. English is not my first language so maybe not all expressions are correct but I'll try to describe the problem. Work is absolute horror for me. I'm so terrified to make a mistake that I have to check and double check. I can reach the point where I'm sure that everything is fine but it can take "an eternity". Sometimes it goes well but then I stumble over a figure which I've to read and reread a dozen times. I've to check a dozen time if all the lights are turned off and I cannot cook any more because my fear of having left the electric stove on is too big. And I've what you call here magical thinking. I often have to undo things and do them again to correct them. Last Autumn it was so bad that it was almost impossible to continue working. I could force myself to work with an extreme stresslevel but at home I'm completely immobile due to magical thinking and the fear the thoughts might cause. I've seen 2 doctors. The first obviously suspected that I was after a sick note. She said I was mentally completely healthy and I should work more or focus more on work then this nonsense in my head would disapper. I visited a second doctor. Here I got the answer that as long I was still able to work I would have things under control and I should be proud of it. I had my share with doctors so professional help is out of reach.  I read self-help-books but the problems get worse and worse and the stress level gets higher and higher. And the complete system breaks down now. When facing fears and trying not to double-check things I realized that many more things are going on unconciously like doing everything in even figures.... I don't want to write too much making it too long to read but I would be extremely thankful for any help and advice.

[BelAnna]

Hi GreyCat,

It definitely sounds as though you have OCD with the checking, magical thinking and responsibility fears (e.g. of making a mistake). If you live in the UK then I honestly think it's worth trying one more time to see a different GP and ask for a CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) referral.

There are some good CBT for OCD guides that you can buy from Amazon but you still really need one-to-one therapy to combat the OCD.

[GreyCat]

Hello BelAnna,

Thank you very much for your reply. I don't live in the UK. I live in a rural area and the knowledge about phsychological problems seems to be very low. I'm very scared to have another bad experience. The reactons of the 2 GPs I described above really hit me hard. Therefore I would like to ask the question if it is at all possible to get any better without a therapy or medication. As I said I tried hard but it gets worse and worse.

[taurean]

It is possible to get better using self-help cognitive behavioural therapy. Personally if working on one's own I think an OCD workbook would be good, though if you happen to have a significant other who could work it with you that is helpful. 

In broad terms, medication is a crutch to help people feel better able to cope and engage with therapy, though some people do experience lestening of intrusions as well. 

But what medication can be tolerated, and which might be helpful, is very subjective individually. 

Edited February 9, 2018 by taurean
amendment

[GreyCat]

Hello Taurean,

Thank you for your answer. I've read my current self-help book first and wanted to read it a second time now starting with the work. I cannot  even make a ranking of the obsessions since the fear level they cause seems to be similar. And I noted that really every single task I do is done in a compulsive way. I cannot move forward without any help. I wish I could go back. I did not have a happy life but it was manageable. Of course it was time-consuming to check everything several times, stressful and definitely not free but now it's nightmare. But I know that you  cannot give me an advice how to "install the old system" again when recovery should be the goal. To be honest, I absolutely don't know what to do any more. This all-time-fear is a nightmare.