Numb

[freya196]

Hi there, 

I posted not long ago about my theme of HOCD, I was in panic to say the least. Now i feel completely numb. I have lost all attraction to males (i'm a straight female) and i'm so tired of these thoughts, i don't want to keep fighting. I'm exhausted mentally and physically. I need encouragement to go to the doctors to get help but i just don't want to talk about it out loud, my thoughts make me feel shame. I am trying to get my attraction back, perhaps checking for arousal and seeing if i'm attracted to any men has made my attraction disappear? I think this also applies to check to see if i'm attracted to girls. I'm just so tired, there's no anxiety anymore. I just want this to be over 

 

side note: I'm concerned because i've never had a boyfriend (i'm 17) and that ill never be found attractive and ill die alone because OCD took over my life

further side note: i'm currently on an injected contraceptive, but a common side effect is loss of libido? Is it a possibility that it's contributing to the long term spike i've been suffering? I started taking it in September, when my spike began. 

Edited February 8, 2018 by freya196

[Skullpops]

Hi Freya, 

No wonder you're exhausted. Shame is a very common thing felt amongst OCD sufferers! If you don't feel comfortable discussing your thoughts with your GP, ask if they could possibly refer you to someone more experienced in ocd and you can discuss with them? What you describe is a very common 'theme' of obsession, it's nothing that someone who knows the disorder won't have heard before, I'm in no way saying that makes it easier to talk about, just that the person will understand. 

Checking for arousal is a compulsion, very difficult to stop doing but also very possible. 

About the boyfriend thing, you're still so very young! Concentrate on getting better first and anything else will follow on naturally. 

I'm on the contraceptive injection too...I have a lower libido than before but I'm unsure as to whether this is down to the injection, my medication or the depression? Perhaps a bit of all 3! 

[freya196]

Thank you Skullpops! The shame is overwhelming sometimes and it took me a long time to even tell a close friend but I know if I want to learn to control it, I must get help.

Thank you for your reply, I needed your encouragement  

[Skullpops]

Ah you're very welcome. I know what you mean about the feelings of shame being overwhelming, I get that too, so much so that there's times I just sob for hours, does that happen to you too? 

[Lynz]

Hi Freya. I had those exact same worries at your age regarding boyfriends. I didn't have my first serious boyfriend until I was 18, but that only lasted a few months cos he wasn't a nice person. I then didn't meet my next serious boyfriend and current partner until I was 20 and we've been together for nearly 10 years now. 17 is very young still so please don't worry about that!

It is possible your lower libido is due to the contraceptive injection as that is a very common side effect. I can't take any hormonal contraceptives anymore as they make my libido drop to absolutely nothing which isn't nice at all especially when you're in a relationship. Possibly what could be happening is a combination of all three (injection, depression, meds) and because you have a low libido your OCD is then interpreting this to mean that you don't like men anymore. If the low libido thing continues then definitely go back to your GP as they will be able to help you, but definitely work on not letting your OCD thinking run away with its own false interpretations.