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My mind is so poorly I can't seem to help myself


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It's like I don't even understand my own mind! I was watching a programme and I thought to myself I bet she is a nice friend - normal thought but it's like my OCD cuts this off and a massive doubt sets in on my opinion and then I feel like I have to ruminate to understand it. I am trying to just accept my anxiety is high at the moment which is why this is happening 

All I feel is a constant unsure feeling  I wake up unsure  my mind is so unwell at the moment and I feel like there is no way out  

is this still anxiety/OCD? This constant unsure feeling?  I know by feeding the thoughts it makes them worse  I just want to feel sure of my own mind again  I can't take much more of this :(

 

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55 minutes ago, Skullpops said:

Hi Sophie, 

I understand the constant unsure feeling, happens to me too. Majority of folks on this forum have probably felt it too. 

Are you on any medication and/or having therapy? x

Hi Skullpops,

i wake up with it and it's like this constant doubt in my mind and I can't think straight about anything. And then I convince myself I'm the only one and maybe it's more than anxiety maybe my brain just doesn't work but it used to before this I was a confident happy girl. Yes I started Cbt yesterday, had my first consultation. I have had Cbt about three times before. I also used to suffer with body dysmorphia and OCD where I had to touch things etc to feel right and stop my family dying. I got over those so I know deep down I can get over this but I can't remember ever having this intense unsure feeling of dread. It's like my mind can't take in information without a doubt popping in about just normal things people say etc does that make sense? 

 

They mebtioned medication but i was on sertraline 200mg before and all it did was give me brain zaps. Somehow last year after a bad break up I managed to stop all my OCD on my own. I didn't feed it and I took every doubt as being OCD. But right now for some reason I can't do this. I guess as you don't hear others with this as such and even if I do, I think they don't have it like I have it. As if I'm just broken.  Also I'm in quite an intense relationship, when I am single or when I am getting to know someone my OCD isn't as high but now I feel like I could be in love I guess I feel vulnerable and this gives me more anxiety. I'm scared he will go off me because of this. He has already said I'm not as fun as I was and that I'm like a robot in bed and wasn't before but that's because right now I can't even control the anxiety enough to enjoy those things. 

 

Thanks for listening. I'm sure these forums are what helped me before when I got better, people who have been through it and understand it. Rather than a therapist she said to me yesterday that must be hard trying to have a conversation but not being fully present and having background noise all the time. Yeah just a bit! I feel like they see me as a project because I'm able to sit there and tell them exactly what is going on and I know OCD/Cbt inside out and can tell her exactly what I should be doing. Yet I can't at the moment. I feel like i have confused her as she's like your an intelligent lady etc almost as if she can't work me out :( maybe I'm one of life's mysteries! 

Edited by Sophie89
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Hi again Sophie, 

I can relate so much to what you say. Yes, what you say makes sense. This disorder is beyond cruel and if I could make it better for all of us then I would. 

Sertaline didn't help me either, if anything it made me worse. Did you get physical side effects with it too? I was quite sick with it. 

I am gradually getting to know the folks on this forum and the help I've had had been invaluable. 

I so get the intelligence thing! Thing is, doesn't matter how intelligent you are, OCD overrides it. There's no logic with OCD. I have a friend who is most likely one of the smartest people I know yet OCD has hospitalised her and made her consider suicide more than once. Thankfully she is doing much better now! 

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Hi Sophie, sorry to hear you’re feeling like this. 

Anxiety can do so many things to us mentally and physically. I’ve experienced what you describe, the dread and unsure feeling, many times, and it is when my anxiety is very high. I really thought I’d broken completely at one point. All I wanted to do was sleep. I’ve also had strange tingling, like pins and needles all over my back and stomach that went on for a good few weeks, that was anxiety too. When that occurred the doctor explained how many different ways anxiety can occur. 

Can completely relate to what you say about knowing OCD/CBT inside out etc too. I’ve had therapy throughout most of my life, and can dish out all the advice of how to deal with OCD etc, but when it gets a grip I feel like I’m in a hole, and I just can’t get out. All what I know goes out of the window. My therapist before this one said once, OCD is like a garden; you must keep on top with maintenance or before you know it can get out of hand again. For me that’s so true. 

Could you go back to the doctors and ask about any other medication? I’m on Sertraline, but I’ve a friend who is on Citalopram, which works for her. 

Really hope things improve soon. You’re not alone, we’ve all been there x

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1 hour ago, Dragonfly said:

Hi Sophie, sorry to hear you’re feeling like this. 

Anxiety can do so many things to us mentally and physically. I’ve experienced what you describe, the dread and unsure feeling, many times, and it is when my anxiety is very high. I really thought I’d broken completely at one point. All I wanted to do was sleep. I’ve also had strange tingling, like pins and needles all over my back and stomach that went on for a good few weeks, that was anxiety too. When that occurred the doctor explained how many different ways anxiety can occur. 

Can completely relate to what you say about knowing OCD/CBT inside out etc too. I’ve had therapy throughout most of my life, and can dish out all the advice of how to deal with OCD etc, but when it gets a grip I feel like I’m in a hole, and I just can’t get out. All what I know goes out of the window. My therapist before this one said once, OCD is like a garden; you must keep on top with maintenance or before you know it can get out of hand again. For me that’s so true. 

Could you go back to the doctors and ask about any other medication? I’m on Sertraline, but I’ve a friend who is on Citalopram, which works for her. 

Really hope things improve soon. You’re not alone, we’ve all been there x

Oh wow! I get this tingling all through the night. Or wake up with one leg numb! I didn't realise this was also the anxiety. 

So so true! I know OCD inside out I've had therapy since I was like 13! I'm now 28 and still struggling and right now it feels like the worse it has ever been but it has actually been worse. I was throwing up before with it as didn't know what my mind wanted from me. 

 

Thanj you hoth so much, I am at work now I have a highly responsible job and I can use logic with this every single day but not with my own thoughts. Just your posts here have given me strength to carry on and the urge to ruminate has lifted for a while. Oh that tranquil feeling of not having to work something out and being able to do something without words ruining through my mind. I'm going to enjoy this even if it only lasts for a while! X thanks guys you don't know how much you have lifted and helped me today 

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2 hours ago, Skullpops said:

Hi again Sophie, 

I can relate so much to what you say. Yes, what you say makes sense. This disorder is beyond cruel and if I could make it better for all of us then I would. 

Sertaline didn't help me either, if anything it made me worse. Did you get physical side effects with it too? I was quite sick with it. 

I am gradually getting to know the folks on this forum and the help I've had had been invaluable. 

I so get the intelligence thing! Thing is, doesn't matter how intelligent you are, OCD overrides it. There's no logic with OCD. I have a friend who is most likely one of the smartest people I know yet OCD has hospitalised her and made her consider suicide more than once. Thankfully she is doing much better now! 

Skullpops - thank you. Yes the physical side effects were also awful. I will never go back to medication again. Although I do sometimes take zopliclone sleeping tablet to sleep but this is like once in a while as I know they are addictive. Strangely enough the first few times it took away all my anxiety and OCD. If only there was a tablet that did exist like that but wasn't a sedative! 

Again, I can't explain how much these replies have helped me. And you sound like you are all doing so well. So I know I can get there. I honestly think it shows what good people we really are. I'm a stranger to you and yet you are helping me for nothing but out of the goodness of your hearts. I hope I can return the favour once I am well. Xx

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32 minutes ago, Sophie89 said:

Oh wow! I get this tingling all through the night. Or wake up with one leg numb! I didn't realise this was also the anxiety. 

So so true! I know OCD inside out I've had therapy since I was like 13! I'm now 28 and still struggling and right now it feels like the worse it has ever been but it has actually been worse. I was throwing up before with it as didn't know what my mind wanted from me. 

 

Thanj you hoth so much, I am at work now I have a highly responsible job and I can use logic with this every single day but not with my own thoughts. Just your posts here have given me strength to carry on and the urge to ruminate has lifted for a while. Oh that tranquil feeling of not having to work something out and being able to do something without words ruining through my mind. I'm going to enjoy this even if it only lasts for a while! X thanks guys you don't know how much you have lifted and helped me today 

Pleased you feel a bit better. Stay positive! X

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1 hour ago, Sophie89 said:

Oh wow! I get this tingling all through the night. Or wake up with one leg numb! I didn't realise this was also the anxiety. 

So so true! I know OCD inside out I've had therapy since I was like 13! I'm now 28 and still struggling and right now it feels like the worse it has ever been but it has actually been worse. I was throwing up before with it as didn't know what my mind wanted from me. 

 

Thanj you hoth so much, I am at work now I have a highly responsible job and I can use logic with this every single day but not with my own thoughts. Just your posts here have given me strength to carry on and the urge to ruminate has lifted for a while. Oh that tranquil feeling of not having to work something out and being able to do something without words ruining through my mind. I'm going to enjoy this even if it only lasts for a while! X thanks guys you don't know how much you have lifted and helped me today 

Yes, the tingling I had was so strange! At the time I had bad health anxiety too, so to have this tingling on top of that was a nightmare! Obviously if you’re worried do get checked, but my doctor assured me mine was anxiety and it did go x

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1 hour ago, Skullpops said:

Ah girls I so get the being able to dish out advice ect but getting myself in a hole! I've had OCD for as long as I can remember so I know a lot too yet I get myself into some right states! Xx

Everyone comes to me for advise! As I'm so good at it. Just not for myself! Xx

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What frustrates me is that my OCD at the moment is over EVERYTHING. I can't even read something like I read that a man got told off for putting his banana skin in a cup. So my mind goes oh why did he put it in there. Imagine it was you and you was putting that in there out the way. And I have to imagine it until it feels right. There is no logic in that at all! I don't get why I am doing this but it's like my mind is over thinking/analysing everything and is trying to understand everything. I'm going to apply the same logic which is not to do the compulsion after the thought. Just wish I didn't get the thohghts because when I'm not anxious or if I'm worrying about something else my mind doesn't do this! Even having conversations with my boyfriend I feel like I have to analyse every thing his saying until it feels right. In fact I can't even explain what I'm doing because it don't even make sense to me! I know that I just have to ride out this horrible anxious feeling. I know the more I delve into working out why or explaining it right just makes the anxiety even worse and I feel even more confused. 

 

Csnt wait for this to pass and feel normal again. Right now it's controlling me. I need to get control back prompto as it's stripped me of everything. I'm a shell of who I used to be. 

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