Question

[Skullpops]

Hi everyone,

I have had OCD since childhood. My current relapse happened in October 2016. 

Something I'm majorly struggling with this time round is "what if it's not OCD?" 

From reading looooads of literature, speaking to folks on here, a friend who has OCD and my therapist, I fully understand that my concern is classic OCD. 

Thing is, I just for the life of me cannot shake it. My therapist has assured me that I most definitely have OCD and doubting that I do is characteristic of the disorder. 

Despite this I cannot shift or cope with the anxiety. 

Can anyone relate and/or offer any help or advice on how to tackle this? I feel I'm fighting a losing battle. 

[Headwreck]

Hiya. I'm not really in much of a position to offer expert advice but all I can say is trying to ease up on the compulsions, the delaying of dissecting every thought and thinking everything through is probably the best place to start. Anything that relates to your worry or the fact of whether it's OCD or not. Anything. Just move away from the thoughts when they pop up by doing other things, listening to lyrics of a song, playing a game on your phone.

I've been practicing this for a week or so, it is really hard and I still feel myself slipping into it. I think the thing that made me turn a corner was the fact that I finally realised that thinking about things to the point of confusion really is futile. It won't change anything. There won't be any epiphany. And even if you feel like there is, you'll start doubting that as well and add that to your list of bad evidence (most likely the list making you feel guilty or worse).

Hope you start to feel better soon. Here if you need me  

[Dragonfly]

Hi Skullpops,

I was only saying to my therapist the week before last, that when I get to a stage sometimes when I think yes, I know it is just the OCD, I haven’t run someone over, or whatever the latest OCD theme is that week, I’ll then sometimes get this doubt come in, ‘what about if I’ve actually gone mad now and I just don’t care anymore?’ She said it’s classic OCD behaviour, you deal with one thing and another OCD thought pops up, because that’s what OCD will always try and do. 

She spoke to me on Monday about just observing the OCD and how it’s making me feel. Not sure if I’m doing it right, but it’s helping what I’m doing. I’m acknowledging when I know there’s a doubt, so I kind of say in my head, ok I’m feeling anxious because I can feel an OCD thought come in. Then I kind of say, I can feel it’s trying to make me doubt (whatever it is) and it’s making my heart beat faster, but I know this will pass. And I just acknowledge the way it’s making me feel, but it’s like I’m doing it from a far. Not sure if I’m explaining it right, but it seems to be helping me though. I then refocus on to something else (we made a list of things I like doing)

Hope you feel better soon, and feel free to pm me if you need chat x

 

Edited February 21, 2018 by Dragonfly

[SB21]

Hi Skullpops

This is just another form of an intrusive thought. You end up spending your life searching for the answers to prove/disprove the diagnosis, even when you know deep down that OCD is at the centre of it all.  The problem is the more you search for the answers the stronger you make the doubt!  There is always that glimmer of evidence that will contradict what all the professionals are saying. 

Even though I had talked for years with my friends about my OCD, the minute it was confirmed doubt created chaos. I spent months reading through the night and getting second opinion after second opinion to the point I made myself very ill. No one can convince/reassure you but you.  In the end I had to gain prospective on my whole life in general, try to sit with the thought and not encourage in (e.g. not researching or asking others or doubting/believing) I had to become 'me' again not the person with all the issues.  I worked hard on compulsions using my ERP and began to get stronger. I still have days of doubt over it but now I'm stronger and more rational they are easier to deal with.

It's hard work and a long road. Only you can put the effort in to control the thought until you have the strength to rationalise it. Don't expect things to change overnight and work hard at not seeking reassurance, it will get easier. Hard I know but essential to win the battle. Good luck, stay strong and you will succeed x

[Skullpops]

Hi Headwreck, Dragonfly and SB21,

Thanks ever so much for taking the time to reply. I'm in bits today, I feel so sick with anxiety. I'll try all your hints and tips, trying to get ready to get myself out and about. I really appreciate your advice ❤️

[Dragonfly]

Ah bless you. It will pass. Hope you feel better as day goes on x

[Skullpops]

5 minutes ago, Dragonfly said:

Ah bless you. It will pass. Hope you feel better as day goes on x

Thanks so much, hope you're doing alright x

[Sophie89]

7 hours ago, Headwreck said:

Hiya. I'm not really in much of a position to offer expert advice but all I can say is trying to ease up on the compulsions, the delaying of dissecting every thought and thinking everything through is probably the best place to start. Anything that relates to your worry or the fact of whether it's OCD or not. Anything. Just move away from the thoughts when they pop up by doing other things, listening to lyrics of a song, playing a game on your phone.

I've been practicing this for a week or so, it is really hard and I still feel myself slipping into it. I think the thing that made me turn a corner was the fact that I finally realised that thinking about things to the point of confusion really is futile. It won't change anything. There won't be any epiphany. And even if you feel like there is, you'll start doubting that as well and add that to your list of bad evidence (most likely the list making you feel guilty or worse).

Hope you start to feel better soon. Here if you need me  

'Thinking about things to the point of confusion' this is spot on. 

Ocd is a doubting disease. It will always find a new doubt! 

It doesn't matter if a million people tell me I have OCD, I will find a reason they could be wrong. 

 

Skullpops - you are not alone. My anxiety is sky high. I hope you feel better very soon. X

Edited February 21, 2018 by Sophie89

[Skullpops]

Thank you Sophie ❤️ I'm just heading home, stayed out for hours deliberately as a distraction. How you doing now? x

[SB21]

I find distractions work best if you're with someone. Do you have a supportive friend/family member who could help? A coffee and a chat works wonders or doing a project together that stretches your brain a little. Recognising ways to support our close ones with their issues helps us to rationalise our own situations. If your anxiety is really troublesome atm maybe a chat with your doctor or therapist would be beneficial. The doc can subscribe meds, if they haven't already, to help calm your anxiety while tackling your ERP.  Hope this helps.

[Skullpops]

11 minutes ago, SB21 said:

I find distractions work best if you're with someone. Do you have a supportive friend/family member who could help? A coffee and a chat works wonders or doing a project together that stretches your brain a little. Recognising ways to support our close ones with their issues helps us to rationalise our own situations. If your anxiety is really troublesome atm maybe a chat with your doctor or therapist would be beneficial. The doc can subscribe meds, if they haven't already, to help calm your anxiety while tackling your ERP.  Hope this helps.

Thanks for all your advice SB21. I do have supportive friends and family but I just went out by myself with my children. I've just settled my kids and I'm going to phone a friend for a chat  I have an appointment with my therapist on Friday and I'm on medication too. Thanks again x