Does this mean I'm getting better?

[Headwreck]

The past week and a bit have been a lot easier than the past few months have been. I've been easier to be around, able to function a lot more, the thoughts are still flying around and I do engage with them even when I'm trying not to but it doesn't seem to be as bad anxiety wise as it was. I'm able to pass things off as silly a little bit more than when this started - at the beginning I was convinced I'd done this thing. Now I'm more inclined to say maybe I didn't although of course there is still something screaming at me telling me "no, you did" when I say that. I do still have quite a few blips but all in all there has definitely been a marked improvement.  

I've seen my focus change from one worry to another (whereby I tell myself the other worry probably isn't true but the next day when it's back again I'll convince myself that it is). On one occasion again I was convinced I'd done something I've never even thought about having done before yet I was certain I had done it, which to me now, thanks to everyone here, I'd say is indicative of OCD. That one has faded a bit now, I believe my main concern fits in this bracket too but that is the stubborn one and has been with me for months although it faded when I was worried about the other things.

I've had two full sessions of CBT, I'm obviously going to continue but can you feel a benefit after so few sessions? My therapist hasn't told me to try to resist ruminating etc. I've decided to do that myself as it finally clicked that it does no good and is pointless (I think a lot of thanks for that getting through to me has to go to PolarBear so - thank you!) and I think that's changed a lot. I also suspect that the extra daylight is helping me too as I definitely struggle with my depression during the winter months due to the lack of sun light. Could this be those factors combined or could the OCD be losing grip? Or am I just learning to live with it? 

Edited February 24, 2018 by Headwreck

[Sophie89]

38 minutes ago, Headwreck said:

The past week and a bit have been a lot easier than the past few months have been. I've been easier to be around, able to function a lot more, the thoughts are still flying around and I do engage with them even when I'm trying not to but it doesn't seem to be as bad anxiety wise as it was. I'm able to pass things off as silly a little bit more than when this started - at the beginning I was convinced I'd done this thing. Now I'm more inclined to say maybe I didn't although of course there is still something screaming at me telling me "no, you did" when I say that. I do still have quite a few blips but all in all there has definitely been a marked improvement.  

I've seen my focus change from one worry to another (whereby I tell myself the other worry probably isn't true but the next day when it's back again I'll convince myself that it is). On one occasion again I was convinced I'd done something I've never even thought about having done before yet I was certain I had done it, which to me now, thanks to everyone here, I'd say is indicative of OCD. That one has faded a bit now, I believe my main concern fits in this bracket too but that is the stubborn one and has been with me for months although it faded when I was worried about the other things.

I've had two full sessions of CBT, I'm obviously going to continue but can you feel a benefit after so few sessions? My therapist hasn't told me to try to resist ruminating etc. I've decided to do that myself as it finally clicked that it does no good and is pointless (I think a lot of thanks for that getting through to me has to go to PolarBear so - thank you!) and I think that's changed a lot. I also suspect that the extra daylight is helping me too as I definitely struggle with my depression during the winter months due to the lack of sun light. Could this be those factors combined or could the OCD be losing grip? Or am I just learning to live with it? 

I have had periods where my OCD has lifted too. It's not that I don't try to not ruminate but sometimes it's just easier to let go. It's all anxiety that makes any thought get stuck. I also completely agree about the lighter months. My OCD ALWAYS comes back from November time to April time. After that it starts to lift. 

I assume understanding the OCD more and realising that ruminating doesn't help has also helped the cloud lift for you. 

 

I cant answer for sure but I think all of those factors help. Also the fact that you know you are facing this and having your CBT sometimes even talking about it helps

 

anyway don't think so much into why, just enjoy feeling better. Xx it gives me hope I can't recover again. I have many times. I find I relapse when I am in a relationship and it gets serious and I love the person. It's like I have so much to lose and that's when the OCD comes back!  my therapist has agreed this is also to do with my self esteem. So many factors for each individual  but it's great you are noticing the cloud lift. X

[PolarBear]

It sounds to me that you are starting to do things right and that is having a positive effect. Just keep going. You will have rough patches but overall if you're moving forward and things are good, you're doing well.

[Headwreck]

Thanks PolarBear. Really grateful for your help. 

[Headwreck]

8 hours ago, Sophie89 said:

I have had periods where my OCD has lifted too. It's not that I don't try to not ruminate but sometimes it's just easier to let go. It's all anxiety that makes any thought get stuck. I also completely agree about the lighter months. My OCD ALWAYS comes back from November time to April time. After that it starts to lift. 

I assume understanding the OCD more and realising that ruminating doesn't help has also helped the cloud lift for you. 

 

I cant answer for sure but I think all of those factors help. Also the fact that you know you are facing this and having your CBT sometimes even talking about it helps

 

anyway don't think so much into why, just enjoy feeling better. Xx it gives me hope I can't recover again. I have many times. I find I relapse when I am in a relationship and it gets serious and I love the person. It's like I have so much to lose and that's when the OCD comes back!  my therapist has agreed this is also to do with my self esteem. So many factors for each individual  but it's great you are noticing the cloud lift. X

Thanks Sophie. I hope you start to feel better soon. I think it only takes a matter of realising that there is only your own behaviour that you can change before anything else will alter. Of course you will recover, you already have the tools to do so as you seem to understand what's going on, it's just a matter of trying to overcome the fear of using them against your own mind x

[Sophie89]

On 24/02/2018 at 20:33, Headwreck said:

Thanks Sophie. I hope you start to feel better soon. I think it only takes a matter of realising that there is only your own behaviour that you can change before anything else will alter. Of course you will recover, you already have the tools to do so as you seem to understand what's going on, it's just a matter of trying to overcome the fear of using them against your own mind x

Thanks so much headwreck. Honestly I think it is this forum that will aid my recovery. Everyone is so positive kind and helpful, and we all have an understanding of eachother. I can't thank you all enough xx