I'm not coping at all and it's affecting other people

[BelAnna]

Hi, 

I think something is seriously wrong with me- I am constantly irritable, angry (sometimes aggressive although not physically) and distressed at the moment. When I am preoccupied with an OCD concern I don't really care about my loved ones and even sometimes think that I'm deliberately harming them or trying to cause them cancer/illness and behave in really cruel ways, to the extent of being perhaps psychologically-abusive.

I am concerned that my behaviour is sociopathic. 

Simultaneously I am freaking out about OCD things- for example I think that I left two disposable gloves by the front door and that my dog may have swallowed them AND I'm concerned with scrupulosity issues AND concerned that i've contaminated my things with norovirus. 

I don't know if I'm having a breakdown or what is going on. I don't know why I am hurting my family who love me and whom I should love and care for. 

Help!

[PolarBear]

Your symptoms can be explained by you having OCD.

So what are you doing to get going on recovery?

[Isthisreality]

I share your experiences. The irritation is not as common speaked about as the guilt, anxiety and so on. However i feel INTENSE irritation if i cut of compulsions. If i am not depressed like now lol. 

But yes irritation is ok. AND you getting irritated when someone interact you when you are doing compulsions is just how OCD goes, it's not normal. Becuase the normal would be to not do the compulsions, you shouldn't get irritated because someone interrupt you when you count in your head. But yes it is common

[snowbear]

55 minutes ago, BelAnna said:

I am concerned that my behaviour is sociopathic. 

Simultaneously I am freaking out about OCD things- for example I think that I left two disposable gloves by the front door and that my dog may have swallowed them AND I'm concerned with scrupulosity issues AND concerned that i've contaminated my things with norovirus. 

Do you recognise the concern of being a sociopath is 'an OCD thing' too? Every bit as much as the gloves, scrupulosity and contamination themes.

OCD starts with giving your thoughts meaning. In this case the meaning you decided on was 'maybe I'm a sociopath'. That meaning made you anxious. Change the meaning (there are hundreds of valid alternatives to choose from) and you nip the OCD anxiety in the bud.  

[BelAnna]

8 hours ago, snowbear said:

Do you recognise the concern of being a sociopath is 'an OCD thing' too? Every bit as much as the gloves, scrupulosity and contamination themes.

OCD starts with giving your thoughts meaning. In this case the meaning you decided on was 'maybe I'm a sociopath'. That meaning made you anxious. Change the meaning (there are hundreds of valid alternatives to choose from) and you nip the OCD anxiety in the bud.  

Hi Snowbear,

Thanks, I'm not 100% that the sociopathy concern is OCD because my emotional responses are abnormal (sometimes blunted) and I often ignore other people's (particularly my close family members') feelings or feel annoyance where I should feel sympathy and I can be incredibly cruel (I don't say nasty, personal things but I do cruel things, disrupt people's plans, nag and moan etc.). I have had issues with anger for most of my life (starting with very severe tantrums as an older child) and I do think that these issues are closely related to anxiety but I've also got into a cycle of being miserable and making others miserable. It worries me that at times I really don't care enough about the people I'm supposed to care about.

9 hours ago, PolarBear said:

Your symptoms can be explained by you having OCD.

So what are you doing to get going on recovery?

Thanks Polarbear. I am having weekly therapy sessions, although last week's got cancelled for the snow but I have an appointment tomorrow morning. I'm working towards some CBT goals for one aspect of my OCD but I feel overwhelmed by all the other aspects of it/obsessions and distressed by the effect that the OCD has had on my life (I should have a degree, a job/career, a husband/long-term relationship, kids, house, car by now but I have nothing. 

 

9 hours ago, Isthisreality said:

I share your experiences. The irritation is not as common speaked about as the guilt, anxiety and so on. However i feel INTENSE irritation if i cut of compulsions. If i am not depressed like now lol. 

But yes irritation is ok. AND you getting irritated when someone interact you when you are doing compulsions is just how OCD goes, it's not normal. Becuase the normal would be to not do the compulsions, you shouldn't get irritated because someone interrupt you when you count in your head. But yes it is common

Hi Isthisreality,

Thanks for empathising- yes I know what you mean about feeling irritated if someone disrupts one of your compulsions and you're right that it's not normal but is a result of OCD. I think that I have some other things going on and possibly a personality disorder/problem so I can be very irritable at times even when the cause is not OCD-related but I hope things improve for you with CBT soon!

 

 

 

[Isthisreality]

1 hour ago, BelAnna said:

Hi Snowbear,

Thanks, I'm not 100% that the sociopathy concern is OCD because my emotional responses are abnormal (sometimes blunted) and I often ignore other people's (particularly my close family members') feelings or feel annoyance where I should feel sympathy and I can be incredibly cruel (I don't say nasty, personal things but I do cruel things, disrupt people's plans, nag and moan etc.). I have had issues with anger for most of my life (starting with very severe tantrums as an older child) and I do think that these issues are closely related to anxiety but I've also got into a cycle of being miserable and making others miserable. It worries me that at times I really don't care enough about the people I'm supposed to care about.

Thanks Polarbear. I am having weekly therapy sessions, although last week's got cancelled for the snow but I have an appointment tomorrow morning. I'm working towards some CBT goals for one aspect of my OCD but I feel overwhelmed by all the other aspects of it/obsessions and distressed by the effect that the OCD has had on my life (I should have a degree, a job/career, a husband/long-term relationship, kids, house, car by now but I have nothing. 

 

Hi Isthisreality,

Thanks for empathising- yes I know what you mean about feeling irritated if someone disrupts one of your compulsions and you're right that it's not normal but is a result of OCD. I think that I have some other things going on and possibly a personality disorder/problem so I can be very irritable at times even when the cause is not OCD-related but I hope things improve for you with CBT soon!

 

 

 

Like snowbear said! Dont engage in your thoughts about being a psychopath

 

But yes IRRITAION can be so s

Real with OCD. I myself thought i was going crazy last year because i snapped at everything.

I think you get irritated more easily when you are not totally depressed. When you still care about other things but then di you have OCD and the thoughts take up so much time and you snap.

 

When did you get OCD and when did you start being angry?

Edited March 7, 2018 by Isthisreality

[Isthisreality]

Actually i am feeling irritated now. I hate triggers, and i have a older person who is like old people are. They complain and talk about the latest news. And i get triggered and i get irritated. I also get irritated with news. I should get mad at the OCD which tells me i have triggers.

Sorry for the hijack

Edited March 7, 2018 by Isthisreality

[gingerbreadgirl]

7 hours ago, BelAnna said:

my emotional responses are abnormal (sometimes blunted) and I often ignore other people's (particularly my close family members') feelings or feel annoyance where I should feel sympathy and I can be incredibly cruel (I don't say nasty, personal things but I do cruel things, disrupt people's plans, nag and moan etc.). I have had issues with anger for most of my life (starting with very severe tantrums as an older child) and I do think that these issues are closely related to anxiety but I've also got into a cycle of being miserable and making others miserable. It worries me that at times I really don't care enough about the people I'm supposed to care about.

Honestly to me this just sounds like normal human behaviour, with the frustration of OCD thrown into the mix, and you have become hypervigilant of it whereas people without OCD never  consider their irriation, or little cruelties, or tantrums, or whatever, at all.  This is something I've realised over time - everyone is cruel/selfish/angry/dishonest or whatever to vaying degrees and in varying amounts, but we never get to see that, we just get people's "highlight reel".   So when we as OCD sufferers display these same behaviours, we think we must be different in some way, and then our OCD hones in on it and all of a sudden we have thoughts like "maybe I'm a sociopath". 

[daja]

8 hours ago, BelAnna said:

I should have a degree, a job/career, a husband/long-term relationship, kids, house, car by now but I have nothing. 

I used to feel the same but these days post SSRI I am not immediately worried.

Hope you feel a bit better soon.