All day everyday

[battlethrough]

Im trying everything,i cant see me ever being ok. 

Theme to theme, im still locked into the guilt of fantasising about my partners sister a few timed, i confessed to this years ago. 

My partner has made it quite clear she doesnt want anymore confessions and i shouldnt have told her, i think she knows its about guilt over fantasies, why cant i just let it go, it drills away at me all the time, its trying to sabatage what should be a happy life

[Isthisreality]

Because you feed it.

 

I am really sorry because it sucks but you need to feel the pain before you get better. OR you will never get better. 

 

Edited March 7, 2018 by Isthisreality

[battlethrough]

I dont know how im feeding it, im not googling, trying not to ruminate, havnt confessed, and its hell,

[InOverMyHead]

Are you analysing it, overthinking it? Xx

[Isthisreality]

Do you have access to an expert? 

OCD is pretty straightforward, if you feed it it is active.

 

I am sorry man but "trying not to ruminate" is your problem. You are ruminating.  I know its hard but you need to stop. And maybe you need an expert. Because i highly suspect you do it so automatic you maybe don't even notice it.

Edited March 7, 2018 by Isthisreality

[battlethrough]

I was in southmead hospital a couple of weeks ago, crisis center, the are putting me through secondry more specalist treatment, i havnt had much luck with primary care, i just feel guilty for fantasies, it eats me up so much that i cheated i concider ending it, although i wont. 

If its not cheating its health reated or incest fears, so exhausted with needing to confess, ive done my partners head in, hate this illness so much

[InOverMyHead]

We all hate this illness and there's no easy way through it, I think accepting that's the first step, that we have it and we have to deal with it? Maybe take your partner to one of your sessions to help her understand a bit more? We all make mistakes and she's still with you so that means something  you can fight this, you have too, you've been fighting it for years! I remember we talked on here a while back, I was under a different user name incesstant thoughts I don't know if you remember