Jump to content

Compulsions > Mistakes > Response


Recommended Posts

I hate compulsions because I feel they will lead to me making mistakes.  For example, I can sometimes wash my hands normally without OCD.  However, if I start compulsive reviewing, this will make me lose focus on washing my hands, making me unsure if I've washed them normally.  Other people just wash their hands normally without compulsions, therefore they have no reason to think they might lose focus or make a mistake.  Since I do compulsions, I think they will lead to me making mistakes.  Other people can be sure they locked their car because they don't do compulsions.  I might be reviewing how I may not have washed my hands, causing me to lose focus on the present as I lock my car door.   

So I am not talking about reacting to thoughts.  I'm talking about reacting to compulsions-- reacting to things you do that might lead you to make mistakes, eventually leading to the fears becoming true.  

This thinking highly motivates me to not do compulsions, but it also makes it impossible to get out of the cycle when I do end up doing compulsive behaviors.

Doing a compulsion for me is like doing a dangerous drug that might lead to real problems.  I am choosing to do these compulsions.  I don't feel like it's a choice, because I would never choose all this suffering, but from what I've read-- compulsions are a choice.  

So when I choose them, which I have every single day for years, I do something that is akin to doing a dangerous hallucinogen that might make me set my house on fire, or cause something bad to happen.

What am I doing wrong?  Isn't the whole point to not do compulsions?  That is all I'm trying to do.  I'm trying to not do compulsions, so that I can go through life without losing focus or making many mistakes.  I realize people make mistakes even without compulsions, but those are known mistakes, so there's no uncertainty.  I feel like compulsions cause me to make mistakes that I won't actually be aware of because I'm too busy doing compulsions, and then responding to those compulsions, and it never seems to stop. 

If I didn't respond, I'd be simply letting myself get away with doing compulsions, and I can't do that.  It'd be like doing a dangerous drug and responding with, "Oh well. I'm sure nothing bad could possibly come of this."  Personally, I think that would be a very nieve response.  If someone does heroin every day, chances are pretty high they'd destroy something or forget something important.  That is why I think I need to respond to compulsions.  Who knows how many mistakes one could make when they're completely out of their mind.  

Edited by ineedahug
Link to comment

The problem here is that you are afraid of making mistakes. So what if you don't wash your hands right? So what if you forget to lock the car? Welcome to the human race, where mistakes abound.

The question that arises is why are you so fearful of making mistakes? What do you think will happen if you do?

Link to comment
4 minutes ago, PolarBear said:

The problem here is that you are afraid of making mistakes. So what if you don't wash your hands right? So what if you forget to lock the car? Welcome to the human race, where mistakes abound.

The question that arises is why are you so fearful of making mistakes? What do you think will happen if you do?

 

More compulsions., leading to more mistakes, leading to more compulsions, until I literally don't know which way is up.  I'll be trapped in an endless cycle. It's not an irrational fear because it's essentially what's been happening for years!  I've been able to just barely keep my head above water, but if the cycle continues I will lose it.

I cannot stop these compulsions.  I've read your book.  I get that you were able to, but I don't think I am as fortunate.

Link to comment
10 minutes ago, PolarBear said:

You didn't answer my question. What's the big deal if you make a mistake? Or six?

I thought I did answer.  I'm afraid of going crazy and destroying my life.  Mistakes lead to compulsions just like compulsions lead to mistakes.

You may as well say, "What's the big deal if someone does heroin.  We all make mistakes."   But it destroys life.  Not just from the chemicals themselves, but all the things it leads to.  It could cause a person to neglect their child or something serious.  Why couldn't something as crazy as compulsions do the same thing?

Edited by ineedahug
corrected spelling
Link to comment

You are saying that not doing compulsions is like killing your family (neglect your child or something worse) Well that is not true. That is OCD having a grip on you.

 

Your thoughts sounds like anyother with OCD. Now do YOU need to take the leap of faith. You need to start treating those crazy thoughts as OCD. 
I know it is really really hard! 

Edited by Isthisreality
Link to comment

What you are talking about is making a mistake as in not washing your hands properly or not locking the car doors. Are you saying you fear that the mistakes will escalate and you'll not do something really important?

The fact is, to conquer OCD you have to go past normal. You have to not wash your hands. You have to leave the car unlocked. It's not a mistake.

Link to comment

 

13 minutes ago, PolarBear said:

What you are talking about is making a mistake as in not washing your hands properly or not locking the car doors. Are you saying you fear that the mistakes will escalate and you'll not do something really important?

The fact is, to conquer OCD you have to go past normal. You have to not wash your hands. You have to leave the car unlocked. It's not a mistake.

Right.  It might start out as something small, but it escalates.  If I was compelled to do something pointless and stupid like washing my hands when they don't need to be washed, I might be compelled to do anything once my mind gets unraveled enough.

If I don't wash my hands I would not be able to relax and I would feel like I'm contaminating everything.  And yeah, that part is expected. Nobody said recovery was easy. I get that.

But for me, it wouldn't end there.  Let's say I just deal with the uncertainty for a week.  But afterward, I would continue feeling compelled to wash everything.  It would not just go away.  I would think about how I am just making everything worse and worse, and eventually, I  would give in to that compulsion, and wash absolutely everything for the next week, and then I would be even worse (mentally) than if I just dealt with the little mistake right away.  

It's happened before, just on a smaller scale (it wasn't for a week). 

Edited by ineedahug
Link to comment
10 minutes ago, Isthisreality said:

You are saying that not doing compulsions is like killing your family. Well that is not true. That is OCD having the grip on you.

No I think you misunderstood.  I was comparing compulsions to something dangerous.  

Link to comment

Look, stopping compulsions is a key component of recovery. Everyone who ever gets to a better place had to do it. No way around that.

But it's only one component. There's the cognitive side where you change thinking. For you that would include changing your thinking about what contaminated means and realizing that you and things don't become contaminated just because you didn't wash your hands.

Link to comment
9 minutes ago, ineedahug said:

No I think you misunderstood.  I was comparing compulsions to something dangerous.  

I see. Sorry then. So you are afraid your compulsions will destroy your life? Well it will take up your time that's for sure. And compulsions are not productive so i would like to agree.

OCD will give you anxiety and the recovery will give you anxiety but in the second one (recovery) do you actually get better. So you at some point don't need to have it like this.

Edited by Isthisreality
Link to comment
1 minute ago, PolarBear said:

Look, stopping compulsions is a key component of recovery. Everyone who ever gets to a better place had to do it. No way around that.

But it's only one component. There's the cognitive side where you change thinking. For you that would include changing your thinking about what contaminated means and realizing that you and things don't become contaminated just because you didn't wash your hands.

True, but my mind would still be hung up on the idea.  I'm not afraid of contaminating everything because everything would be contaminated.  That would be absurd.  I'm afraid of contaminating everything because of how my mind would react (and has reacted).  It'd be like dealing with a 5-year old child throwing a fit for the rest of eternity.  

And yes, stopping compulsions is key.  That's why it always seems like a huge deal whenever I don't stop them.  That was the whole point of my post.  I'm very averse to doing compulsions because they eventually lead to me going crazy.  And, like I just explained, not doing compulsions in response to compulsions would eventually lead to the same thing. 

It's a lose-lose situation. 

Link to comment

I think your thinking about this is all twisted and distorted. You learn through proper therapy how to handle not doing compulsions. You practice. You don't get it right from the get go. You learn.

Have a little faith.

Link to comment
2 minutes ago, Isthisreality said:

I see. Sorry then. So you are afraid your compulsions will destroy your life? Well it will take up your time that's for sure. And compulsions are not productive so i would like to agree.

OCD will give you anxiety and the recovery will give you anxiety but in the second one (recovery) do you actually get better. So you at some point don't need to have it like this.

For me, that's nothing more than a fantasy.  I won't get better.  Most people don't.  Why? Because of the lose-lose scenario that I explained above.  

It sounds great in theory, but to test that theory you have only to look at all the poor saps on this forum.  They try and try and they don't get better. 

Link to comment
11 minutes ago, PolarBear said:

I think your thinking about this is all twisted and distorted. You learn through proper therapy how to handle not doing compulsions. You practice. You don't get it right from the get go. You learn.

Have a little faith.

So you're saying I should expect to do compulsions here and there and with therapy/practice, they will decrease?  That contradicts something I learned on this forum-- that doing a compulsion even once is just going to make things tougher.   Doing a compulsion here and there will only make it harder to not do compulsions again and again, therefore nothing gets better.  I'd only be sabotaging my efforts by doing a compulsion.  The only solution is to not do any at all, which is not realistic for someone with severe OCD.  

I've read countless books on OCD.  I have a whole OCD library.  I'm not exaggerating.  I know everything about how to deal with it, and I still can't recover.  If that doesn't spell out hopeless, I don't know what does.   

Edited by ineedahug
Link to comment
13 minutes ago, ineedahug said:

For me, that's nothing more than a fantasy.  I won't get better.  Most people don't.  Why? Because of the lose-lose scenario that I explained above.  

It sounds great in theory, but to test that theory you have only to look at all the poor saps on this forum.  They try and try and they don't get better. 

They don't try. I am sorry to have to put it that way. And  you are depressed by the whole situation, i understand that, it sucks. BUT bringing yourself down is not the solutionB

 

By "try" i don't mean try i mean do the work needed! I guess i am saying that trying is not enough

 

Your whole speak about staying where you are because you can't ever do a perfect recovery is obsessing, couldn't get more obsessive.

Edited by Isthisreality
Link to comment
3 minutes ago, Isthisreality said:

They don't try. I am sorry to have to put it that way. And  you are depressed by the whole situation, i understand that, it sucks. BUT bringing yourself down is not the solutionB

 

By "try" i don't mean try i mean do the work needed! I guess i am saying that trying is not enough

Do you really believe that?  They're all so desperate to get better.  They would do anything. I would do anything.  Wouldn't you? 

Link to comment
9 minutes ago, ineedahug said:

So you're saying I should expect to do compulsions here and there and with therapy/practice, they will decrease?  That contradicts something I learned on this forum-- that doing a compulsion even once is just going to make things tougher.   Doing a compulsion here and there will only make it harder to not do compulsions again and again, therefore nothing gets better.  I'd only be sabotaging my efforts by doing a compulsion.  The only solution is to not do any at all, which is not realistic for someone with severe OCD.  

I've read countless books on OCD.  I have a whole OCD library.  I'm not exaggerating.  I know everything about how to deal with it, and I still can't recover.  If that doesn't spell out hopeless, I don't know what does.   

That is true, you can have all the knowledge in the world and still have OCD. You have to do the work. 

Link to comment
4 minutes ago, ineedahug said:

Do you really believe that?  They're all so desperate to get better.  They would do anything. I would do anything.  Wouldn't you? 

I believe that. I am there myself. I feel all those feelings, they feel real, i am destroyed, my life is over bla bla bla. However i am tired of it. 

They would do ANYTHING to have it go away now. They won't do anything( the work the extreme anxiety which comes with recovery) to get over OCD. 

 

 

Edited by Isthisreality
Link to comment
1 minute ago, Isthisreality said:

I believe that. I am there myself. I feel all those feelings, they feel real, i am destroyed, my life is over bla bla bla. However i am tired of it. 

They would do ANYTHING to have it go away now. They won't do anything( the work the extreme anxiety which comes with recovery) to get over OCD. 

 

 

OK. Let's do it then.  Let's do the work and get better.

But I'm betting it won't work out the way we hope.  I know some people say they recovered, and I do believe them, but I don't think it can be replicated for everyone.  They were trapped in a maze with a way out.  Their brains were set up with an exit.   All they had to do was find it.  What if we're in a maze with no way out? 

Link to comment

Your defeatist attitude won't help. In fact, it will keep you trapped.

True enough that no compulsions is the goal. But it's not the end of the world if you do one.

Edited by PolarBear
Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...