kirby42 Posted April 3, 2018 Share Posted April 3, 2018 Just wanted to write a little update saying that I had a good week. I kept busy with work and friends, lots of exposure, controlled rumination well, mainly from just staying busy and trying not to get too worked up about the thoughts. Mindfulness meditation helped a lot with this. One thing that really bothers me though is guilt from my past. I feel like a terrible person. It creates huge anxiety and makes me depressed. How can I deal with it? Link to comment
paradoxer Posted April 3, 2018 Share Posted April 3, 2018 There may be some who disagree with me here, but this is MY proverbial two pennies ... guilt, when connected to OCD is (again, IMO) a kind of simulacrum, an imitation of guilt. But, it's far worse, far more of an 'injected' self-reproach than the real thing. How to deal with it? You say you feel like a terrible person - that's a typical OCD MO. Trying to set yourself up to be the opposite - a 'good' person, will only get you deeper into the mire. Better to think of yourself as a 'terrible' person - just like everybody else. Being terrible isn't, in fact, so bloody terrible. It's just being human. Why should you be so special? From one dreadful person to another, Cheers. Link to comment
kirby42 Posted April 3, 2018 Author Share Posted April 3, 2018 Thank you for your advice. I've always tried to live a good person and there's only about one event that really tears me up. It was five years ago and I've tried so hard to live a good life since then, and I have. The guilt fuels my depression and anxiety. I've thought about it almost every day since last November and I worry how others would judge me if they knew. My family, close friends and doctors know about it. They say I'm too hard on myself and that no one remembers or thinks about it except me. But I can't let it go. I hate myself. Link to comment
PolarBear Posted April 3, 2018 Share Posted April 3, 2018 A major problem is that you are thinking about it all the time. Guilt festers when there is something for it to grab onto. Give yourself permission to let it go. Link to comment
kirby42 Posted April 3, 2018 Author Share Posted April 3, 2018 It's hard but I'll try. A therapist said that I just shouldn't give the feeling the time of day and eventually it'll subside. It makes my stomach sink just thinking about it. Link to comment
Running Lover Posted April 4, 2018 Share Posted April 4, 2018 I am just the same with guilt. I’m seeing a private psychologist at the moment. I have told him everything and I mean everything. I have POCD and have carried out so compulsions I do not like. I’ve told him all about it because despite knowing 100% my ocd made me do these things I can not shift the guilt. The psychologist told me this week if he thought I had done anything wrong he would have to act on it. So although I can’t forgive myself I should listen to what he thinks about it but I just can’t do it. Do you feel if you didn’t have this guilt the ocd would go away? That’s how I feel Link to comment
PolarBear Posted April 4, 2018 Share Posted April 4, 2018 You can forgive yourself. You choose not to. Stuck you will remain until you choose differently. Link to comment
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