Excitement

[InOverMyHead]

I’m getting quite confused by   some of my sexual thoughts   about children when I have them I’ve started getting a sort of excited feeling, I know this is probably just anxiety but it happens so often now even though I thought I come to terms with it and know why it’s happening that I think it’s happening to often now so it must mean I’m a peodiphile. I sometimes try to imagine doing something to a child on purpose so I don’t get this feeling and I know that’s a compulsion. Sometimes I think that part of me almost wills this feeling into play and that I’m searching for things but other times I feel fine. Things just feel so confusing like it’s not OCD and I don’t know quite how to put my feelings into words but sometimes the thoughts just seem to slip away or sit in the back of my head, I’m on Sertraline and wonder if that’s started to take effect as well as I feel like I’m hanging in the balance at the moment. 

[Atlantis]

This is 100% OCD and that is the ONLY aspect of it you should come to terms with. The greatest trick OCD pulls is convincing us that it's us and not OCD, hence the real us, i.e. the conscience giving in to the compulsion to check and re-check our behaviours, thoughts, feelings etc when a person without OCD wouldn't engage in the manner that we do. 

I had a period where I went through thinking I was excited by perverse thoughts, the sight of children etc and it really was just the OCD causing me to focus on my body and over sensitizing it in order to check physical responses and - hey presto! I was convinced that I was excited.. however, when my OCD was about a fear of HIV / AIDS I had a phobia about infected syringes / needles so I would check every chair, bus seat, brick wall or whatever else I was sitting on, every place I walked and so on. I became so aware of the fear that I would focus on my feet thinking that any sharp sensation would mean I had trodden on a needle, and of course I noticed every physical sensation I felt in my feet - so between the years of 1992 -1997 my OCD told me that I'd trodden on hundreds of thousands of needles... and it only subsided once I'd resisted the urge to check.. 

hope this helps