About the past....... trying to remember

[Running Lover]

I’m obsessed with the past and things my ocd made me do (compulsions) I’ve told you about them already. My question is, my therapist has told me to still looking in to the past to dig up more things to feel guilty about. I can’t understand this a) because if I hadn’t have searched in the past I’m the first place I would have never remembered the *compulsion involving groinal response. B) I have to try and remember if there are any other unsavoury compulsions as I really am not sure. I have never thought about them before because before I never realised it was ocd therefore when ever I was compelled to check I thought I was doing the right thing. 

If I don’t search my memory bank I feel guilty that there might be something there I should indeed be punished for. 

Hope this makes sense 

[taurean]

1 hour ago, Running Lover said:

If I don’t search my memory bank I feel guilty that there might be something there I should indeed be punished for. 

It makes perfect sense. 

But you can beat this. You need to break this cycle, spoke the wheel that perpetuates this distress. 

Start right now watching for when you have the urge to search. Then don't start searching, however terrifying not doing so may feel, you have to resist doing this. Instead, throw yourself into doing something beneficial and involved. Repeat this as and when necessary. 

Gradually it will become easier and easier to resist. 

Also, stop allowing that guilt feeling to spread - it's simply a standard practice deployed by OCD. Do NOT accept that you ought to feel guilty, that there may be something in your past for which you should have been punished. 

The only thing we should all do regarding the past is forget it - it's dead and buried. 

Let's not destroy our present and future happiness devoting time to such an unhappy and pointless ritual performance demanded by OCD. 

Resistance is NOT futile

 

Edited April 15, 2018 by taurean
addition

[PolarBear]

You are the only one who thinks you should be punished for anything. 

Scanning your memory looking for something else to punish yourself for is a compulsion and teally needs to stop. It's not normal behavior.

[Running Lover]

Can I ask when you said in recent post re pocd “paid the consequences” what you mean? I haven’t paid any consequences other than feeling very ill for 20 years. Maybe I need to contact authorities so that I can pay consequences. 

[PolarBear]

I'm not going to go into the whole scenario of my situation on here. It took a book to explain it.

What you likely don't understand at this point is that fixation on past wrongs is OCD at work. Your mind has latched onto insignificant past events and falsely blown them up into something huge. You make the situation worse by doing compulsions.

[Running Lover]

15 minutes ago, PolarBear said:

I'm not going to go into the whole scenario of my situation on here. It took a book to explain it.

What you likely don't understand at this point is that fixation on past wrongs is OCD at work. Your mind has latched onto insignificant past events and falsely blown them up into something huge. You make the situation worse by doing compulsions.

I’m really frightened now. If you’ve been punished then I should too. What is the hook called? 

[battlethrough]

You dont need to be frightened or punished, noone is saying you should be punished xx

[taurean]

It matters not what PolarBear 's book is called.Or what PolarBear's personal experiences were. There is no connection between you and PolarBear. 

What is happening here is that your hypersensitivity is seeking out like a radio antenna scanning for some possible connection to what OCD is deeming your sins and misdemeanors and for which it says you should be punished. 

It's a common form of OCD and its quite usual for sufferers to experience this.

The way forward is to refuse to believe the original OCD,  or allow credence to the connections that "antenna" is seeking out and laying before you. 

I have experienced this" scanning " element of OCD myself, so I know this way to deal with it works. 

 

[Headwreck]

The more you try to remember, the more you will create and distort. You've lived X amount of years trying to remember but nothing has ever come to fruition. What is the worst that could happen if you stop trying to remember for a little while and give yourself some space to breathe? 

Edited April 16, 2018 by Headwreck

[Atlantis]

OCD is like a heat seekng missle looking for it's next target to obsess about. I always said that it's like those arcade games you used to see in Rhyl in the 80's where you'd have a hammer  to smack these little things popping up out of holes on a board but as soon as you got one another would pop up. 

You'll never remember and the danger with immersing yourself into that habit of checking will end up creating false memories because OCD is 100% capable of doing that too. 

As soon as you learn to live with uncertainty the better you'll feel, because although living with uncertainty is hard at first it is certainly easier than forcing your mind to go back in time to remember every thought or action.