do i sound like i have gay/bi ocd (merged threads)

[PolarBear]

If you don't want to be gay or bi then don't be gay or bi. It's really rather simple. The problem is OCD tries to make it complicated.

You get thoughts that you could be gay or bi. What you need to do is stop giving those thoughts meaning. If a teenager got in your face and told you repeatedly that you were gay, would that mean you were gay? Of course not. That's what is happening to you, except instead of a teenager it's your own mind telling you that.

[PolarBear]

You started this post seeking reassurance. You're stuck on what one person said on a forum.

[Walter White]

I hope you feel better soon. I have not had this type of OCD (I am a contamination OCD sufferer, starting my therapy tomorrow, yay!) but read about it in several ocations, you certainly have it. Have you ever been to a therapist? I know how hard it can be to get one in the first place but you need to get well in order to function correctly. How old are you? 8 years is a lot of time, yo have to go live your life now. 

[Wonderer]

I’ve had this theme, I say “had” because it no longer tortures me but I still have uncertainty around it, guess I’ve just got more comfortable with the fact that I trust it’s OCD and therefore not very likely that I am any of those things. I still get the thoughts occasionally, I still get a little bit nervous when the girls all want to meet up, but I don’t truly believe it anymore. You must get comfortable with the uncertainty, trying to get rid of it is what’s keeping you stuck.

Most people have a little uncertainty around this topic during their lives wether they have OCD or not, I’ve found this out by my god awful reassurance seeking from my friends, difference is people without OCD will not analyse it like we do or panic like we do. We have to aim to just be chilled about it, just like everyone else.x

[gingerbreadgirl]

This bothers you so much because it is attacking your identity.  No matter how many times you go over it in your mind, look for certainty, try to arrive at an answer - the more uncertain and anxiety-provoking it feels.  The sad fact is you will not get any closer to an answer if you keep going over and over it.  That's not how OCD works You can't get certainty on this, you can't get definitive proof that this is an OCD problem rather than a sexuality problem - as with any other type of OCD, you have to gradually get comfortable accepting some uncertainty around this.  OCD loves questions which can't be answered with total certainty, and this is one of those.  You just have to take a leap of faith, choose to live the life that you want to live and stop questioning it so much. Only then will you get the clarity you want.  x

[lonelygirl91]

Thanks for your responses guys. 

11 hours ago, gingerbreadgirl said:

That's not how OCD works You can't get certainty on this, you can't get definitive proof that this is an OCD problem rather than a sexuality problem

This spiked me a bit. What do you mean by this?

[lonelygirl91]

Thanks for your responses guys, I've been feeling better today. I have periods and days where I'm much better, where the OCD is in the background and I feel more like myself. It doesn't ever fully go away as you say Wonderer. I know sexuality is complex and even my straight friends have questioned their sexuality or aren't bothered by things that would bother me. 

[lonelygirl91]

20 hours ago, PolarBear said:

If you don't want to be gay or bi then don't be gay or bi. It's really rather simple. The problem is OCD tries to make it complicated.

You get thoughts that you could be gay or bi. What you need to do is stop giving those thoughts meaning. If a teenager got in your face and told you repeatedly that you were gay, would that mean you were gay? Of course not. That's what is happening to you, except instead of a teenager it's your own mind telling you that.

That's a good way to think about it. OCD is like a bully who keeps telling you stuff that isn't true (well I hope it isn't true). 

Edited April 16, 2018 by snowbear
replaced swear stars with an acceptable word

[gingerbreadgirl]

20 hours ago, lonelygirl91 said:

 

This spiked me a bit. What do you mean by this?

What I mean is that the more you look for certainty that you are definitely not gay, the more uncertain you will become. 

It's like if I have OCD around checking.  I check the front door is locked, I leave the house, and halfway down the street I think "oh no, what if the door is unlocked?" If I go back and check (look for certainty) chances are as I go down the road I will still be unsure, or I will be unsure the next day, and will have to check twice instead of once, and this will snowball until I am very unsure indeed. If, however, I sit with my uncertainty and carry on down the street - even though there is a small chance the door could be unlocked - my anxiety will eventually die down and I will no longer worry.

The same thing applies with your worry, and any other kind of OCD.  By trying to pin this down, by trying to find irrefutable proof that you are straight, you are creating more and more uncertainty, you are keeping this issue uppermost in your mind.  You have to allow that little bit of uncertainty and just let the gnawing anxiety continue, until eventually, you won't be so worried anymore.

[PolarBear]

Excellent post, gbg.

[lostinme]

58 minutes ago, gingerbreadgirl said:

What I mean is that the more you look for certainty that you are definitely not gay, the more uncertain you will become. 

It's like if I have OCD around checking.  I check the front door is locked, I leave the house, and halfway down the street I think "oh no, what if the door is unlocked?" If I go back and check (look for certainty) chances are as I go down the road I will still be unsure, or I will be unsure the next day, and will have to check twice instead of once, and this will snowball until I am very unsure indeed. If, however, I sit with my uncertainty and carry on down the street - even though there is a small chance the door could be unlocked - my anxiety will eventually die down and I will no longer worry.

The same thing applies with your worry, and any other kind of OCD.  By trying to pin this down, by trying to find irrefutable proof that you are straight, you are creating more and more uncertainty, you are keeping this issue uppermost in your mind.  You have to allow that little bit of uncertainty and just let the gnawing anxiety continue, until eventually, you won't be so worried anymore.

Great post gbg  sometimes its also good to take a so what approach too, so what if I am, so what if I didn’t etc 

[Wonderer]

The things with this kind of OCD is that no matter how much evidence u have that u in fact ur straight, when caught up in OCD u can’t and never will be able to convince ur brain that u are because the whole thing with ocd is DOUBT,  it amazes me how in an OCD brain we believe that we are probably something we fear rather than being able to accept that we aren’t, it’s a disorder for exactly that reason.x

[Wonderer]

That above goes for all themes of OCD xx

Edited April 17, 2018 by Wonderer

[lostinme]

8 minutes ago, Wonderer said:

The things with this kind of OCD is that no matter how much evidence u have that u in fact ur straight, when caught up in OCD u can’t and never will be able to convince ur brain that u are because the whole thing with ocd is DOUBT,  it amazes me how in an OCD brain we believe that we are probably something we fear rather than being able to accept that we aren’t, it’s a disorder for exactly that reason.x

I’m sure though with the right CBT approach, we can make changes  xx

[taurean]

3 minutes ago, lostinme said:

I’m sure though with the right CBT approach, we can make changes  xx

Yes we can, we really can. 

Learned behaviours take some shifting, but when we lay down new beneficial neural pathways, and let the old distorted ones fall out of use, we do get better. 

[Wonderer]

23 minutes ago, lostinme said:

I’m sure though with the right CBT approach, we can make changes  xx

Oh yes 100% I just mean in the throes of it! Definitely can get better with the right therapy and the hard work!!! Xx

[lonelygirl91]

2 hours ago, gingerbreadgirl said:

What I mean is that the more you look for certainty that you are definitely not gay, the more uncertain you will become. 

It's like if I have OCD around checking.  I check the front door is locked, I leave the house, and halfway down the street I think "oh no, what if the door is unlocked?" If I go back and check (look for certainty) chances are as I go down the road I will still be unsure, or I will be unsure the next day, and will have to check twice instead of once, and this will snowball until I am very unsure indeed. If, however, I sit with my uncertainty and carry on down the street - even though there is a small chance the door could be unlocked - my anxiety will eventually die down and I will no longer worry.

The same thing applies with your worry, and any other kind of OCD.  By trying to pin this down, by trying to find irrefutable proof that you are straight, you are creating more and more uncertainty, you are keeping this issue uppermost in your mind.  You have to allow that little bit of uncertainty and just let the gnawing anxiety continue, until eventually, you won't be so worried anymore.

That's a really great analogy. I've had a bit of CBT in the past, but I think I'll get back into it. My mum says that I always resist help and I'm my own worst enemy because I don't help myself. Even my therapists have said that I don't put in the effort to help myself. I guess I've always feared that it won't work so why try? I've had so many therapists but with a lot of them it was all reassurance seeking. I've seen therapists for other mental health issues that I have such as depression and borderline personality disorder. I guess I expect too much as well, like OCD to go away but I know that it will never go away fully. I have a book on OCD that my brother gave me, but I always resist reading it because I think, it won't help. Although my OCD has improved over the years and is nowhere near as debilitating as it once was thanks to medication, I need to help myself as well. I guess It's kind of like getting a gastric band but not changing your mindset about food and your eating habits. Reassurance is a bit thing for me; I can't help it and it makes me feel better and more calm. Even my mum gets annoyed with me and tells me off about seeking reassurance. My mum refuses to give me reassurance.