How chronic is this?

[kirby42]

Going through a mixed few weeks. My anxiety is in check but I have an overriding feeling of depression. 

On the outside I am fine, people say they're envious of me for things that I can do and things I've achieved. But inside I feel the ever constant presence of dark thoughts. It makes me think that I'll never truly be happy.

 

Is this truly what the rest of my life will be like? Being alive bit not really living? I feel numb and that I'm just going through the motions.

Edited April 18, 2018 by kirby42

[PolarBear]

I saw a great quote on Twitter yesterday:

OCD is chronic but it's not terminal.

[taurean]

13 minutes ago, PolarBear said:

I saw a great quote on Twitter yesterday:

OCD is chronic but it's not terminal.

That is pretty astute. 

I would say you are in a good position Kirby to build on your gains so far. 

Depression is a common consequence of struggles with OCD, but working CBT is, as I know personally, likely to be very beneficial to behavioural responses and mood. 

Edited April 18, 2018 by taurean
amendment

[kirby42]

Thanks for replying. I just feel worried that I'll never get better than I currently am. I honestly feel my life would be perfect if not for this. It's like a heavy weight I'll need to carry for the rest of my life.

[taurean]

58 minutes ago, kirby42 said:

Thanks for replying. I just feel worried that I'll never get better than I currently am. I honestly feel my life would be perfect if not for this. It's like a heavy weight I'll need to carry for the rest of my life.

Well that's the depression at work, making your thinking bias negative. 

But you can move on from this and do really well mentally. 

Working and applying CBT is your way forward. 

"It's like a heavy weight I'll need to carry for the rest of my life".- that's awfulising, seeing things in the worst possible light. 

You can reframe that thinking to "I feel a bit despondent at the moment, but I know if I work my CBT and change my thinking and behaviours as a result, I will feel more confident and the future will be bright. 

Whenever you see yourself sucked into negativity, stop and see how you might reframe that thinking to a positive outcome. 

When positivity becomes your norm, you will be amazed how much better you feel. 

Edited April 19, 2018 by taurean
addition

[kirby42]

That's good advice, thank you. If I can effectively deal with this, then my life will be amazing.