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#454440 Please refrain from using HOCD, ROCD and POCD acronyms.

Posted by Ashley on 12 June 2013 - 12:00 AM

Forum regulars will know that a real bugbear of mine is the use of acronyms such as HOCD, ROCD and POCD, I even saw a rarely mentioned term, COCD used on here once too.  

 

These acronyms are pointless for a number of reasons, firstly lets get this straight right off the bat, they do not exist, these terms are NOT medical terms.  But if you want other reasons for my belief that these terms are unhelpful and harmful, in some cases they are used as a form of avoidance over using the real words, in other cases some people don't know what the acronyms stand for and have been used to describe different things leading to confusion. Other reasons why I despise the use of such terms is because I have seen some people delay getting treatment because they are mistakenly trying to find experts for the symptom, the 'flavour', the R, H or P part, not the illness itself. I know that using the term 'despise' is a strong word, but when the use of these acronyms leads to delays in treatment then it is not a positive, it really is a great big negative.

 

But the main reason for my post is to highlight another reason why it is really important not to think of OCD as anything but OCD. Please don't ever pigeon hole your OCD into one thing such as contamination, or any of the above acronyms, because OCD rarely does remain stagnant on one area, over time it will shift its focus onto different things... one day it might be fear of being gay (HOCD) but a year down the line when  you are happy in a relationship and expecting a baby, the OCD will suddenly make you fear harming your new baby, perhaps even as a paedophile (POCD) - a good example of where the common denominator and real problem is the OCD part.

 

What this means is the real problem in the way we allow the OCD to interpret the everyday thoughts each and every one of us gets, the OCD mechanism is the problem, the way we allow obsessive thoughts cause anxiety leading to various compulsions.  Other issues are problems also in most of us with OCD, regardless of type, sometimes it is the way  our OCD converts the risks from a realistic 1% to make us believe the risk is more likely a 99% risk, and also often that heightened sense of responsibility can play a factor. 

 

ocd-cycle.jpg

 

 

 

However, as I point out earlier in this post, the real problem is not the 'flavour' of OCD, so asking if you have HOCD, ROCD, or POCD is the wrong question, instead the question you must ask is if you have OCD.   I guarantee over time the 'flavour' will shift, so if you try and treat the 'flavour' you are taking yourself down the wrong road, the important thing is to recognise what you have is OCD, nothing but OCD. 

 

Perhaps to illustrate this is a tale from my own OCD of recent weeks. For a long time my OCD has focussed on the obsessive fear of contamination, causing constant washing compulsions... contamination OCD, or as I rather ridiculously saw it used on here once, COCD.   Over the years I have had minor traits of other 'flavours'.  However, a couple of weeks ago the OCD got the better of me in a big and unexpected way, resulting in me spending 90 minutes driving a good 50 miles to 'check'. 

 

Long story short, two months back some idiot reversed into my parked car outside my house. My car is parked on a dead-end country lane so no passing traffic.  Anyway, had my car repaired, new bumper.  On my way home from collecting the car back from the garage I passed a layby with a traffic cone sitting there doing nothing, discarded I thought, so I stopped, took it, and placed it proudly in front of my car to stop any other morons reversing into my car.  (They are actually bigger than they look, only just got it in my car!).    All good, until 24 hours later and the thought popped into my head... 'what if the cone was doing something to warn drivers'.... and you know OCD, one 'what if' question led to another. 'what if another driver hits the bollards because I moved the cone?', 'What if someone is hurt because I removed the cone?' and so on... I tried to ignore, but then I started feeling guilty, and like always, Google was my enemy (OCD wise) and I checked the 'street view' to check if the cone was there a couple of years ago when Street View was last updated, and if so, was it in the same place as a warning.... of course it was, it was sat there in front of the metal barrier that separates the dual carriageway to the layby.

 

Attached File  Cone.jpg   168.55KB   15 downloads

 

So despite trying to resist for a few hours, in the end the OCD got the better of me, so off I drove, a good 20 miles to be able to come back up that side of the dual carriageway to the layby.  Parked up, quickly put the cone back in place, and off I drove... or so I thought, OCD had other ideas.  I got back off the main A road, and then another 'what if?', 'What if I have not put the cone back in the right spot?'... so I did a U-turn and went back onto the Dual carriageway and drove another 10 miles to be able to come off, and drive past the layby again... expect as I drove slowly past, I did not get chance to check it correctly, so I had to do it all over again.  In the end I did maybe 50 miles because of my OCD that night, and not a sign of contamination fears in this one.

 

So the morale of this story is firstly not to take something that is not yours, and secondly that regardless of the 'flavour of OCD', the problem is the way we allow our OCD to interpret the thoughts, in this case that heightened sense of responsibility was a significant factor, so my usual 'contamination' or in this case the 'checking' flavour that took over me that day was not the problem, it is the actual OCD itself and not being able to accept the uncertainty.

 

Don't get me wrong, I am not dismissing the genuine fears of all these types of OCD, be the fears are simply the Obsessive part of the OCD cycle and it is imperative that to help people make progress in tackling their OCD, it is diagnosed for what it is, OCD and treated for what it is, OCD.   The 'flavour' is merely the target for your OCD that day, so we can resolve the 'flavour' problem by getting rid of the thing causing the 'flavour', the OCD! 

 

I hope my waffle helps one or two people :)

 

Ashley.


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#547230 It's my first birthday

Posted by PolarBear on 18 November 2014 - 10:31 PM

I started my recovery from nearly 40 years of OCD in the summer of 2013.

 

My psychiatrist put me on two medications to battle my OCD thoughts. I took eight sessions of relaxation therapy and nine sessions of CBT/ERP therapy. During this time I immersed myself in OCD, learning everything I could about how it works, how it manifests and how it can be overcome.

 

By November of 2013, I was at least 80 per cent better. The number of obsessions I was dealing with had been drastically reduced and the time I spent on compulsions was minor compared to where I came from. I considered myself basically reborn at that time -- for the first time in four decades I could concentrate, focus and do things without overpowering thoughts ruining everything. It also coincided with my real birthday (go Scorpios!)

 

It's been a year. If I had to guess, I would say I am 95 per cent better now. I consider that basically cured. I didn't want to say in the past year that i was cured because I wanted to have at least one year under my belt. Now I've got it.

 

Today I change my forum status to ex-sufferer. Today is my birthday. It's also my first birthday.


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#544923 OCD and the easy cure for it

Posted by jayjay89 on 08 November 2014 - 10:03 PM

I have to disagree guys, IMO some people have more severe symptoms of ocd that other people. I am not basing that on content (ie I don't say obsession A is more severe than obsession B)

But it can be more severe because of the impact it has on the sufferer. Also comorbidity can make their mental situation even tougher yet again
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#53910 Sex & OCD - a perspective

Posted by ScottOCDid on 16 July 2005 - 10:33 PM

With a title such as this, it can be expected that this thread will land a good number of hits. It’s human nature. In fact, it’s just nature, worldwide and species-wide (give or take a few hermaphrodite creatures and plants). Sex represents one of the most powerful influences on our lives and, as we all know, powerful doesn’t always mean good when it comes to OCD. Of course, there are several OCD themes that relate directly to sex but they’re pretty much all based on the same chemical/ emotional, psychosexual broth. When we reach our teens, we’re said to be “mixed up” and/or “confused”. And it’s no wonder. In most cultures and certainly British culture (on which I feel best placed to comment), we grow up learning to tag labels such as “rude”, “dirty” and “naughty” to all things boys’ bits and all things girls’ bits. We cover up, we shut up, and we hit puberty carrying the baggage of more taboos than are broken in a pioneering Channel 4 documentary. Even in the language that we are taught, all of the most “obscene” words relate to sexual acts or anatomy. When the final ingredient of hormones is poured liberally into our heady mix of sexual consciousness, we’re left burdened with a potent brew that can fuel our OCD at any age.
As a consequence of these factors, it’s normal that most of us will end up feeling guilty about sex at several stages in our lives. In our teens, we might experience guilt at being aroused by “dirty” pictures or at finding pleasure in “self abuse” (note again the negatively evocative terminology). Religious, cultural or personal morality issues may also lead to feelings of guilt. Later on, we might feel at fault because we sense physical attraction in someone who is married or someone who is sexually mature but many years younger. Guilt associated with sex seems inevitable… but guilt combined with OCD is bad news. Very bad news. And it can only mean trouble for the sufferer.

Inappropriate feelings, imagined desire
A common sex-related OCD is the fear (and, of course, fear is essentially what OCD is) that some form of desire is felt towards an inappropriate person or action. This fear will be huge because the sufferer’s true feelings are that any such activities would be repugnant, abhorrent, appalling, possibly criminal and certainly completely at odds with his/her natural sexual awareness. “Gay fears OCD” also falls into this category but is complicated further by the fact that the strength of feeling against being gay is personal to the individual, rather than being subject to the global condemnation that is associated with any form of abuse of another person. Consequently, GF-OCD will imply to the sufferer that he/she has a choice in the matter (which he/she will certainly not wish to exercise) that he/she could become that way inclined and still be free to go about living his/her life.
Perhaps the most important thing to remember about any kind of sexual-OCD, indeed the vast majority of OCDs in general, is that they are based upon fears. More guilt and/or more revulsion leads to greater fear, which leads to worsened OCD. And OCD knows just how to set the sparks flying.
A useful analogy might be to think of everyone’s mind as a multi-storey building and to think of fear as water spilled on the top floor. On the very lowest level of the imagination, everybody has a dark, dingy basement where he/she really doesn’t want to venture. Unlike the rest of the building, it’s infrequently visited and in poor condition, with live wires exposed and dangerous; certainly not a place for that water to reach. For people without OCD, day-to-day and week-to-week fear might amount to a bucket of water spilled on the top level, which soaks in and evaporates quickly before it can seep down more than a level or two. For those with OCD, however, the tap of fear can’t be turned off and the sheer volume of the spillage inevitably means that the wires in the basement are soon sparking venomously. OCD, like water, will always find a way to creep down to the lowest level, and if you’ve ever suffered from a sex-related OCD, you’ve probably encountered one or more of the following ways in which the OCD-plagued mind will play its tricks.

1. Mixed messages from the control centre
For virtually all of us - whether OCD sufferers or not - sex is one of life’s pleasures (or something that we miss in its absence). It’s supposed to be; our bodies are designed to come together in that way and our minds are programmed to want to seek that unity. How we all choose to share our sexuality is a matter for self-determination, outwith the scope or relevance of this post, which will depend upon a number of lifestyle factors. However, the fact remains that sex is a uniquely and sensationally good thing for most people.
The power of that feeling is one of the things that OCD uses to try to inflict damage. OCD will draw upon naturally positive and arousing sexual imagery and remembered sensations and ask “well, you enjoyed that so who’s to say that you couldn’t like this?” And it will do so relentlessly, taking the sufferer deeper and deeper into despair as - with each wave of fear - OCD will superimpose stimulating visualisations and memories over appalling and unwanted images. The forced clashing of good and bad is the first line of attack in the case of this guilt-driven OCD.
A worthwhile comparison would be a pure-O sufferer who is haunted by images of his favourite aunt being involved in an accident, and his fearing that his OCD might somehow bring about that event. The OCDer’s aunt is wealthy and has set aside a vast sum of money to the OCDer in her will. Consequently, the method of attack adopted by the OCD is to clash thoughts of all of the good, positive things that the money could buy against the awful images of the imaginary accident, accusing the sufferer that “you’ve always wanted to be able to afford that [desired possession], which is why you want your aunt to die”.
The above example represents a forced conflict of good and bad imagery, the result of which is ice-cold terror. And with sex-related OCD, the principle is exactly the same.

2. Sensation by proxy
Once OCD has achieved a sense of confused unreality (and it is, of course, not real and never will be), it may well try to tap into another feature of the imagination: the ability to conceive of sympathetic sensations. To take a non-OCD example, if a friend were to tell you that he had caught his fingers in the door of a car, you could cringe in sympathetic pain - based upon your own experiences of hurt. Likewise, if an OCD thought is focussed on a fear of inappropriate touching, OCD can turn to this power of the imagination to force the sufferer to sense that feeling of being touched. Suddenly, he/she is faced not only with the erroneous message that there is a desire to touch but also with the false message that it would be stimulating to be touched, such mentally trickery again drawing upon the individual’s previous natural and healthy experiences of sexual arousal. It’s like an author of fiction who is able to describe concurrently the intimate feelings of all of her characters, through a combination of imagination and past, personal experiences.
Of course, the result for the OCD sufferer is an agonised state of inner conflict and confusion - all the more so if a loved one is the subject of the corrupted thought processes. Bombarded by so many opposing feelings, he/she reaches a state of detached, miserable unreality and yearns an escape from any and all triggers - or, more damaging still, seeks to confront the triggers in order to ensure that the response is revulsion.
Life can be cruel; OCD can be torture. And OCD knows exactly which buttons to press.

3. Away we go, to a place called Vertigo
Fear is proportional to risk - or, more pertinently where OCD is concerned, fear is proportional to perceived risk.
Cliché time! If a foot-wide beam were to be placed on level ground, virtually everybody would be able to walk across it with confidence. However, if the same beam were to be placed spanning a 100 metre deep chasm, the number of people prepared (or able) to cross it would fall away dramatically. For a huge percentage of folk, being forced to walk across the high beam would fill them with dread and would induce a physical reaction involving adrenaline release, increased heart rate and “jangling nerves”. This anxiety response from the central nervous system would likely lead to sensations of dizziness, disorientation and the potential feeling of losing automotive ability in the limbs. Individuals in this predicament would probably sense that they were being drawn towards the danger.
With OCD, the trigger isn’t (generally) the actual possibility of falling into a chasm… but it is the emotional equivalent. The perceived risk is the sufferer’s greatest fear, which may well induce the same response from the nervous system as the high beam comparison. In a situation in which the trigger is in forced physical proximity, the sufferer may well experience those same vertiginous sensations of light-headedness, of panic and of believing that he/she is being drawn to make the contact that would pretty much mark the end of his/her emotional world. The OCD sufferer will not seek to make that contact but may be crippled by fear, frozen in desperation once again to distance him/herself from the trigger. Note that this is still the obsessive (fear) component of OCD, never to be confused with the compulsive (reassurance-seeking) component. A nerve-struck boy whose fear seems to pull him towards the edge of the chasm does not feel a compulsion to launch himself into the void; rather he feels a compulsion to seek reassurance, by clinging limpet-style to the high beam.
OCD doesn’t differentiate between "risk" associated with a feared person/ group of people and a colossal vertical drop; as long as the sufferer is overwhelmed by anxiety, OCD has scored once again.

4. Upstairs, downstairs
So surely it can’t get any worse? But then again, this is OCD.
If someone were to threaten you with a gun by saying “I’ll shoot if you sneeze”, you’d be hard pushed to turn your attention away from sensation in your nose. Similarly, if the threat were that you would be shot should you blink, your physical focus would almost certainly be your eyes.
With the sexually anxious mind in a condition of considerable torment, OCD may well turn its attention to what - if anything - is going on below the waistline. The saying reads “fit of body, fit of mind”… well, what about “confused of mind, confused of body”? If there’s one thing that an OCD sufferer really doesn’t want at this point in time, it’s for his/her body to react in a sexual way; surely this would, the sufferer believes, be the damning evidence that what is feared is what is actually desired. Well, as we know, life with OCD is rarely as black and white as that.
Conflicting signals from the mind mean that the erogenous parts of the body don’t know how to respond. The sufferer is living through the greatest fear of his/her life yet at the same time, there are flashes of sensation and imagery that would normally elicit a physiological, sexual reaction. He/she is using all available willpower to refrain from exhibiting any form of bodily response, which has the unfortunate effects of accentuating awareness of the nether regions and of heightening sensitivity. It’s like the electronic game in which a player tries to negotiate a metal loop around a twisted cable without making contact; she’s ultra-alert and primed to jump almost literally into the air in the instant that the buzzer sounds. And, as regards our OCD scenario, what does the physical hypersensitivity in the undies department mimic…? Answer: normal sexual arousal from natural stimuli. It’s a vicious cycle that pushes the sufferer to the brink of emotional collapse.
An OCDer with troublesome, sex-related thoughts knows - more acutely than most - that the people who actually wish or seek to exploit others in the ways that can cause OCDers so much terror, are people of the sickest kind. That’s why the fear is so great; that’s why the sufferer is prepared to rip apart mind and soul in search of the tiniest scrap of a possibility that such thoughts could be true. An OCDer is a victim of inner torment and will never be the person who enacts the terrifying scenarios.
It’s essentially the ultimate in risk assessment; think if you will of the professionals who are currently working flat-out to thwart another atrocity such as that brought to London recently. These policing forces are the good guys, and they are spending all of their time thinking of ways in which we could be attacked; they’re plotting, planning, conceptualising death and destruction on a huge scale by looking for weaknesses in the defences and deliberately thinking of ways to get through. So why are they looking for that very same chink in the armour as the perpetrators of the crimes? Because they’re doing everything imaginable to try to stop it from happening.

5. Not tonight, dear
Perhaps the “final straw” stemming from all of the anxiety brought about by the combination of factors described above, is the impact upon the sufferers real feelings of sexuality. The despair and pain associated with sex-related OCD may well mean that interest is lost in sexual activity with a partner, as can result from any form of stress. This can be particularly hurtful if it leads to the sufferer being unable to perform, with the inevitable result that he/she will further question if this signifies that desire lies not with a normal sexual relationship but with the feared activity - which it absolutely does not. Sexual intimacy should be driven by natural instincts rather than conscious thoughts and the more a stressed individual tries to engage, the less natural it will feel. It’s a cruel irony but it’s par-for-the-course, just like when a doctor instructs “breathe normally” and years of practice of breathing normally suddenly cease to make doing so feel like a natural process. For OCDers, it’s a double negative - but it certainly doesn’t make a positive.
The solution to the problem, which is the challenge that all OCD sufferers face, is to break the cycle of the obsessions, with the aim that normality in other areas will return as a matter of course.

A final note in this section, with special regard to gay fears OCD, is an appeal to forum users not to fall out over the issue of sexuality. GF- OCD is simply not the same as being gay or being unsure about sexual orientation. It can be hurtful and counter-productive to all concerned to ask OCD sufferers who happen to be gay, to comment or make observations on GF-OCD. People are what they are; those who acknowledge their own homosexuality will neither change nor want to change. Those people who suffer with GF-OCD are straight and will neither change nor want to change (other than freeing themselves from the grip of OCD). On the same subject, it might be worth bearing in mind that to suggest to a GF-OCDer that it doesn’t really matter if he is gay is, in principle, the same as saying to a fear-of-harming OCDer that it doesn’t really matter if she does indeed live out her worst fear of stabbing her newborn baby. The vastly different levels of social acceptability and otherwise are irrelevant; it is his/her perception as an individual that is the basis of the OCD fears.
It’s merely a humble opinion, but for those of opposite sexuality to debate GF-OCD seems as futile as husband and wife arguing as to whether it is Angelina Jolie or Brad Pitt who is the sexier of the two. Openly gay board users have made some significant contributions to the forums and to the charity, and we should all try to channel our efforts into combating the common enemy of OCD, rather than focussing on what sets us apart.

And there’s more…
Of course, blatantly inappropriate thoughts don’t represent the only way in which sex can feature in OCD. As described previously, sex can carry with it the feelings of guilt, shame or blame on which OCD thrives. This can lead to retrospective obsessions, in which a sufferer will ruminate over something that “might have happened”, when clearly it has not. An example would be a woman who makes eye contact with a good looking guy across the dancefloor but didn’t mean to lead him on. An non-OCDer could have a mild concern that she’ll need to endure the embarrassment of knocking the guy back - but that’ll be the end of it. Worst case scenario equals no big deal. A sufferer of OCD, on the other hand, whose mind is fine-tuned to explore worst case scenarios, might wake the next morning convinced that she picked up the guy whilst she was under the influence, indulged in a night of passion that she can no longer remember and is now pregnant as a consequence. In a similar fashion, a man might constantly revisit the thought that a past girlfriend managed to perform some form of DIY, artificial insemination that has resulted in his unwittingly and unknowingly fathering a child. These and other examples may lead to the OCD-inspired need to confess to things that haven’t even happened, possibly to the detriment of existing relationships.
The OCDer’s need for control, the eternal questioning “what if?” and the acknowledgement that “it would be all my fault”, all conspire to make such anxieties possible. The worst case scenarios are more dramatic, extreme and implausible than those envisaged by other people - but then that’s OCD, of course. It’s no different from the “did I run someone over?” principle; another guilt-ridden, responsibility OCD.

Another possible way in which OCD can turn to - or rather from - sex as an issue, is in influencing the sufferer to perceive sex as a contaminant or a dirty thing. This may be most prevalent in those in their prepubescent years, when the normal apprehension regarding sexual development is magnified and distorted. Even more upsetting is the possibility that an individual’s past experience of being mistreated or abused can be the subject of their OCD fears of sex; I’m in no way qualified to comment on this very complex set of circumstances but my heart goes out to those who have to live with the pain that this must bring.
HIV is also an obvious factor that can make an OCDer consider sexual activity or associated waste to be a threat. This type of contamination OCD possibly warrants its own thread but there is of course overlap with issues of a sexual nature.

And finally…!
Humans are complex beings, OCD sufferers perhaps more so as we focus our thoughts on some of the biggest issues in life. Death is one such theme, sex is another. One day, our tireless searching for the answers - whatever they may prove to be - might lead one of us to solve the great mysteries behind these huge things that affect us all. In the meantime, if you’re struggling with a sex-related OCD, I hope that the above might help you to put your fears into perspective.

Wishing you all happy and fulfilling relationships.

S
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#377545 My Facebook Status Today

Posted by Ooba on 28 September 2011 - 01:47 PM

October 10th - 16th is OCD Awareness Week. I am an OCD sufferer, I don't just wash my hands a bit or clean my home really well, it runs a lot deeper and can cause tremendous suffering.

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder has ranked in the top ten of the most disabling illnesses of any kind, in terms of lost earnings and diminished quality of life - it really is a serious illness, and affects as many as 12 in every 1000 people (1.2% of the population) from young children to adults, regardless of gender or social or cultural background.

Deep inside the brain lies a structure called the caudate nucleus. Scientists worldwide have studied this structure and believe that, in people with OCD, the caudate nucleus may be malfunctioning.

To gain a deeper understanding take a look at http://www.ocduk.org/types-ocd
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#310791 Before Making Your First Post

Posted by OCD-UK on 12 December 2009 - 01:25 PM

Right now you are perhaps feeling anxious and upset and are desperate to reach out for help for your OCD, this is a normal reaction for most people when finding our forums. What you are experiencing right now we can assure you that you really are not alone and your forum predecessors have perhaps expressed similar feelings before, which means many of the answers you are searching for right now are perhaps already available to you.

So before posting we recommend just taking a moment to review these suggestions first.

1. The main OCD-UK website is full of helpful resources and information about treatments, including CBT therapy and medications, so visit the main OCD-UK website at www.ocduk.org and spend some time reading through it.

2. Use the 'Search' facility on the forums to help you find open discussions on the subject you wish to discuss, the search facility will help you find many discussions relevant to the problems you're facing right now and often you will find there is already a very active discussion relevant to your specific form of OCD. Use relevant keywords like 'contamination', 'checking', 'intrusive' for example. The advanced search facility may be helpful to narrow down search results.

3. Over the years a number of threads have proved to be helpful and we have compiled a list with links to those resources on one single forum topic called Helpful Threads. Take a moment to browse through this, the resources listed may be helpful to you now or at a later date.

4. Please take a moment to read the Forum Rules and Guidelines about what is acceptable on our forums.

5. If you are new to using online discussion forums our software help page may be helpful and answer some of your questions, this can always be found using the small Help link at the top right of the forums under your login name.

6. The forum software uses colour schemes which are called 'skins'. We all have different styles, tastes and viewing preferences so we have provided a selection of forum skin styles for you to choose your preferred viewing option. To change this scroll down to the very bottom of the page and use the far left drop down menu.

7. Although we are a UK based charity, we do have form users from right across the world. The forum posts must remain in English, but to aide our overseas members we have provided several forum navigation languages choices. To select your language use the drop down menu towards the bottom left of the forum page.

8. Most importantly, don't be afraid to ask us for help, we are here to help and support you.
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#542877 Please ALL Read This Lovely Piece of Mindfulness - And Tell Us What You Think...

Posted by taurean on 30 October 2014 - 11:10 AM

Now those of you that have been following my posts know I absolutely adore creative writing.

 

 

So I'd like you to read this mindfulness meditation specially written personally by me. I shall ask you a couple of questions at the end, then we can compare our experiences and why they happened.

 

Enjoy.

 

TAUREAN’S VERY OWN GUIDED MINDFULNESS MEDITATION

 

I am going to take you on a journey with me from my home in North East London through the autumnal majesty of Epping Forest to our destination- the little town of Waltham Abbey, on the perimeter of the forest.

The abbey church was built over ley lines, so even before Christianity it had a pagan sense of calm and contemplation about it.


My garage door is dark brown – like the window frames of the house - and lifts up and over cantilever style. Before removing the car I spray my lower neck with  my Prada male scent (which I keep there because my wife is allergic to anything with citrus it it) – it’s not cheap, it  cost me £50, but it lifts my mood and I love the smell and so of course do others (except my wife for reasons given!).


I like to smell nice, look good and often wear a little male jewellery in my private life for feel-good reasons.  And today I am wearing comfortable brown shoes with Velcro fastenings (not laces) pale brown heavy cotton trousers, a T-shirt and a heavy brown zip-neck pullover.

 

On my left wrist is my beautiful Accurist watch with steel bracelet – a retirement gift from my work colleagues - and on my right wrist sits a name-tag silver bracelet engraved with “Roy”.

 

The car is gorgeous, specially ordered from new and paid for with part of a life policy maturity pay-out 10 years ago: I was a commuter whose wife doesn’t drive so even now it has only driven 20,000 miles.

 

The colour of the car is mercatto blue – a shade just lighter than royal blue that stands out well on a grey day like today. It is also easily distinguishable by the small rubber England flag on the top of the aerial mast – I can easily spot it in a car park!

 

From the front it seems to smile at me with its “fruit gum” shaped headlamps and snazzy radiator grill.

Imagine the styling of this car? What appealed to us were the beautiful lines sweeping back and slightly downwards, with a black strip along the sides which also protected it when doors of adjacent cars are opened.

 

It’s a 5-door hatchback of German manufacture – which maker?

 

It’s the smaller of two models named after sports – does that help?

 

I start up the engine and I have slipped a  cassette  into the music player – the sound system has 8 speakers, a 6 CD multi-changer, FM AM and – via a separately purchased converter – DAB digital radio.

 

So imagine the beautiful rich sound of string music playing in Dolby digital stereo all around me.

 

We are passing through the forest now and on the way up to  Woodford Green.

 

On the green there is a statue of a very famous Britain, who actually won the title of greatest ever Britain on a 

 

TV series where the public voted in and the case for the various famous brits was made by one celebrity per programme. Brilliant series. I voted for the winner, but also would have been happy with Queen Elizabeth 1st or Isambard Kingdom Brunel (the civil engineer).

 

The answer to the make of car - Volkswagen.  And the model name – Polo.

 

Whose statue was standing on the green – Winston Churchill, whose parliamentary constituency this was.

 

As I drive up towards the Epping High Road, I set the “cruise control” on the car. Moving a little  lever, then pressing up and down buttons sest the speed of the car without me needing to use the accelerator – great in speed trap zones. As the car has an automatic gearbox, it will automatically change gear up or down to maintain the speed when cruise control is set.

 

I wanted to set it because approaching me in the middle distance is a yellow box mounted on a pole – a deadly speed camera which has caught probably more of its fair share of motorists.

 

We are now on the Epping High Road, wide single carriageway with chevron “no overtaking” zones where there is danger. I am watching out for deer – yes deer!!! The forest was full of deer back in the time of King Henry 8th and these are those deer’s descendants.

 

A short diversion off to the left would take me to the amazing “Queen Elizabeth’s Hunting Lodge” – a timber-framed whitewashed 3 story building which has been preserved from her day.  Imagine it standing on the hill overlooking a plain (Chingford Plain) within the forest and visualise the Queen and her consorts enjoying an open-air banquet served by waiters in doubloon costumes and busty serving-wenches! 

 

I am on the Epping high road now – what world-famous sporting event took in this stretch of road in July 2014, heading in the opposite direction towards London?

 

The trees in the forest have their gorgeous autumn hues – predominantly various shades of yellow, contrasting with the grey of the sky. I let down the electric window a little – there is the whirr of the motor, and I can hear the crows cawing, the seagulls (they come up the river Lea from the river Thames) cawing – and the smell of 

 

Autumn is a rich combination of water in the air (it rained yesterday) and the leaves starting to break down on the ground.

 

There are two roundabouts before I reach my turn. I am cruising at the permitted 40 miles an hour, so apply the brake and  change the gear down overriding the auto transmission – this selection allows me to come down from top gear (4th) all the way down if wanted to 1st then back up again – its great) – the moment I touch the pedal, the cruise control disengages.

 

After the roundabout, after reaching 40 miles an hour a touch of the “resume”button and cruise control  is back on!

 

What was that sporting event – The Tour De France! The cyclists were coming from Cambridge via Chelmsford to London. I adore the tour, but I was helping present a seminar that day and couldn’t see it live – had to watch highlights on TV later. But, imagine with me now the “peloton” (main group) of riders in their coloured team outfits and bicycles whipping along this road at 50 miles an hour , occasionally taking a drink and sometimes throwing empty water bottles away (the tour littler people scour the area for any discards afterwards that the fans haven’t taken ).

 

I turn off and see that I am on a high plateau, the road drops away down two zig-zag bends towards the valley of the river Lea.

 

We are approaching Waltham Abbey – what famous London 2012 Olympic sports venue was built here and has a lasting legacy?

 

In the distance I can see the tower of the Abbey church. The building itself was greatly reduced in size in the dissolution of the monasteries by Henry 8th. Why was the church originally a place of pilgrimage?

 

The car park is in a beautiful spot. A tributary of the Lea was diverted to form a mill stream for the monks to get power from a wheel. Below the mill this area runs by the car park – the water is bright clear and shallow, and there are ducks swimming along!

 

That famous Olympic sports venue is the white-water rafting centre – state of the art and in full use in legacy.

 

Nearby and utilising greatly the water from the river was the Royal Gunpowder Mills – lottery money has now turned this historic site into a tourist attraction.

 

I walk past the front of the church, admiring the small figure of   King Harold 1st on the west wall – more on him soon.

 

There is a shady (on a sunny day) walk to the north of the church through the churchyard where each side of the path are small memorials to those laid to rest. At the end of this path is an old building – probably 18th century – containing “Philpott’s Tea Rooms” with tables and chairs in green plastic placed outside, within the abbey grounds.

 

They know me well here, and I settle down for a decaffeinated coffee and a toasted tea cake. I can hear the chatter of the people on adjoining tables, mainly retired people as it is a weekday – the soprano voices of the ladies float above the rumble of the males, and a friendly waitress gives me a big smile as she serves me.

 

Why was the abbey church a centre of pilgrimage? Well, it contained the “Holy Cross of Waltham”, said to have special powers, and it was to here that Harold came to break his journey on the way to Hastings to tackle the armed  forces of William of Normandy. Sadly Harold’s presumed prayers for victory were not answered, but they brought his body back from Hastings and buried him in the abbey church.

 

When Henry 8th’s men sacked the abbey the church was drawn back in size, and Harold’s tomb now lies in front of the east window – with just a stone slab over him.  Sadly that holy cross disappeared, no doubt looted by Henry’s men.

 

The story of William and Harold prior to the battle is amazing – look it up, it’s a great story of two nationalities contesting the throne of England, and why.

 

“Taurean” – October  2014.

 

 

Now having read this piece, please let us know what your thoughts and feelings were as you were reading it, and why you think  they were so?


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#518782 hair dye

Posted by PolarBear on 02 July 2014 - 05:05 PM

Gemzi, you say you have difficulty distinguishing between a real worry and an OCD worry. In reality there are no OCD worries for you. All of the things you've excessively worried about are technically real situations. The problem is that OCD is latching onto them and making them seem far more dangerous than they really are.

No one would be concerned about the hair dye. The reason you are is because OCD has latched onto it and blown the danger level out of proportion.

So how can you tell when OCD is tricking you or not? First, no one else around you is concerned. That happened with the crisps. You said they tasted off, someone tried them and immediately forgot about them. That person showed no concern for danger.

Second, you feel compelled to do things when OCD is at play. Those are compulsions and you do them regularly. You check on the Internet to see if it's harmful. You buy all of a product to protect other people. You post on here looking for reassurance. You catastrophize -- you think the world is going to end because of a situation. These are all compulsions and serve to tell you that OCD is at play.

So you can actually tell if OCD is tricking you or not. You just have to pay attention to the signs.
  • Gemzi3, mummyoftwogirls, ADD and 1 other like this


#516473 What Are We All Doing To Tackle Our OCD Currently?

Posted by Ashley on 24 June 2014 - 07:53 AM

I'm phone typing which is not the easiest, but at last month's Nottm/Derby support groups I told my group that despite walking barefoot in my kitchen, For the last 18 month's I had not been able tontouch the kitchen floor with my hand since a mouse was in there.

So I told the group that before this month's group my challenge was to touch the floor without washing my hands to 'feel' clean. Despite thinking about it for three weeks I just could not do it. Then Thursday night, my last night at home I finally plucked up the courage and I did it, multiple times, immediately touching my face, sofa, computer etc. Felt ok, no post exposure anxiety at all.

My next challenge Is to touch the kitchen floor next to skirting boards where mousey was running and pooping. Eek.
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#431323 Wishing you all a happy and peaceful Christmas

Posted by Ashley on 21 December 2012 - 09:31 AM

With the weekend approaching, I am mindful that many of our regular users are making plans to spend time with their loved ones, and may now be travelling over the next few days, and perhaps not online beyond today for a week or so, so I wanted to spend a moment to wish all our forum users, those registered and those that just read the forums from afar, a very peaceful and happy Christmas.

May all your wishes come true this Christmas.

Whilst wishes and dreams may not come true for all of us, I want you all to be kind to yourself when the OCD rears its damn ugly head over the next week or two. At Christmas we are often faced with having to interact with friends and family when sometimes our OCD may not want that, so please be kind to yourself, don’t be afraid or feel guilty for taking 10-15 minutes for yourself if it gets too much.

2013 will bring new challenges, personal ones for each of us, and professional ones also, but it will also bring new opportunities to explore our own personal strengths in our fight to overcome our OCD. As we make progress with our OCD, it will bring new possibilities in life, exciting and fun possibilities too!

Whilst the new opportunities that life without OCD may bring in 2013, the challenges that may first lay ahead of you we can face together, to help and support each other, and cheer each other on through the good and bad times. If we do meet and share those challenges together, we might find life a little less challenging then facing our struggles alone. So Christmas is the perfect opportunity to put old differences to one side, and work together for the good of each other, for new friendships and for our wider OCD community, together, we can, and will make a difference.

Working for the benefit of other people is something my volunteers do daily, and I want to thank them on behalf of all of us for their tireless hard work. I sometimes forget they suffer with OCD too, so giving so much of themselves to help others in distress is noble, and I thank them, from the forum mods and volunteers to those that work for the charity behind the scenes, these guys don't get enough recognition so please accept my festive wishes and gratitude for a year's amazing noble work.

Thank you to you guys too, for those that support the charity financially, or through your commitment to support our ideas and projects by getting involved in some capacity, by Tweeting our awareness messages, to helping others on the forums and for generally showing respect for the work of the charity. I thank you all for your kindness of heart and support of pocket.

Finally, Christmas for some can be lonely and isolating, so please spare a moment for someone who might need a little Christmas cheer, who might be feeling alone this Christmas, be that a friend, an elderly neighbour, or just someone from the forum. Even a simple hello over the fence, a simple PM or text message can make the world of difference for someone on their own this Christmas, say hello to someone, for them it might be the best Christmas present of all.

Whatever you are doing, wherever you may be in the world, I hope that you all have a lovely Christmas, and a peaceful, healthy and OCD free 2013.

Merry Christmas to each and every one of you.

Ashley.

:HappyXmas:
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#430803 My OCD is Gone. Finally

Posted by Matthew on 17 December 2012 - 06:19 AM

I finally got through OCD. After praying, hoping, and struggling against this frustrating illness, I am now set free. For the first time today, I went on a nice relaxing trip with my Father without a single OCD thought. I am set free from this illness.

How did I do this? For the past month, I've been just stopping everything. Stopping rituals, worrying. I focus my mind on other things. It will be HELL, but it will probably get you through it. Your OCD thoughts will probably be as high as ever before, you will worry more than usual. But just stop, stop everything. Do something else, get your mind off of it. And you won't be able too, but if you just stop doing your rituals, (ocd), it will slowly fade away.
But as I said, it will be hell the first week or 2.

Now I had severe ocd and was able to overcome this. You can too. Now this method may not be for you, but try it. You'll probably lose some sleep, worry, and be very anxious. But once you train your brain that it really does not matter, you slowly start to ignore it and it will become nothing.

Now, you will ALWAYS have OCD thoughts. It's incredibly hard, maybe impossible to get the thoughts COMPLETELY away. But I have limited it so much that I only get thoughts maybe once every 2 days and hopefully even LOWER eventually. But now I ignore them, and as you do that it will dissapear from your life slowly.

Try it. If you haven't you need to. Remember, its going to be hard, and incredibly difficult, but if you want to get away from this you need to train your brain and focus on other things. Train your brain thats its really nothing to worry about, and that almost 100% of the world has no problem with it. I am only 13 years old, and excited more then ever about my future, too. Like going to NYU and moving to NYC where my father grew up.

Hopefully I can maintain this. I will probably always get occasional "side" thoughts, but lets just say its not the main focus in my life anymore.

Good luck to all of you still having major problems with this, and please message me if you like to know more or need more help with this.

Sincerely, your friend, matthew.
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#408603 post a song that relates to your ocd

Posted by Guest on 03 July 2012 - 07:09 PM

Or a quieter one:

http://www.youtube.c...&feature=fvwrel
  • felix4, Annaira0114, (Benjamin) and 1 other like this


#405818 Its just impossible.

Posted by FlyingPenguin on 12 June 2012 - 12:25 PM

Hang on in there, Paul, it's just a bad day.

Is there anything you can do to distract yourself/give yourself a break? Favourite film/tv show, or drinks with friends?

The thing is, you need to carry on living life as if this is just OCD, even if your OCD is telling you that it's not. You need to live in spite of those OCD thoughts and feelings and carry on as if you are a worthwhile and nice person. OCD will tell you that you're a bad person, you don't deserve to happy, you're in denial if you pretend to be normal, blah blah blah, but you have to carry on as if this is all OCD nonsense (which it is!). You can't wait to feel right, because you can't control your feelings, but you can control your actions. So change the thing you can change. This is how CBT works. If I listened to what my OCD said, I'd probably never get out of bed. It takes patience and hard work to live in spite of horrible thoughts and feelings, but you can do it, and as you keep doing it the OCD will get weaker and weaker.

OCD is a ****, but it can be beaten.

You are not alone in this. Be compassionate to yourself and don't give up.
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#387804 Dear OCD...

Posted by legend on 10 January 2012 - 08:48 PM

Dear ocd. Meet legend, the powerful one
  • Covalt, angelwings and Lost_in_a_Dark_Maze like this


#377618 pocd is definately the worst type!!

Posted by Steve1983 on 28 September 2011 - 10:40 PM

Cannot stop Legend, I have AOCD (acronym ocd).
  • Covalt, Elle Belle, ocdfight and 1 other like this


#377556 My Facebook Status Today

Posted by Ooba on 28 September 2011 - 02:52 PM

Just put these together as status ideas....


Did you think you might throw your child from a window today?
An OCD sufferer somewhere could be avoiding their child because of this meaningless thought.

Did you stay in today for fear of contracting aids from a plaster on the street?
An OCD sufferer could be staying in today having an anxiety attack because of this meaningless thought.

Do you wash your hands repeatedly until you think its right?
An OCD sufferer could be sitting in pain right now with red raw, bleeding hands.

Did you run someone over on your way to work today?
An OCD sufferer could be retracing their journey right now, to check they didn’t because of a meaningless thought.

Have you ever had a song stuck in your head?
An OCD sufferer could be locked in complete fear and anxiety because of an awful thought stuck in their head.

Will you catch a life threatening illness from that public toilet on the seafront?
An OCD sufferer might have avoided a trip to the beach today because of this meaningless thought.

Have you spent months of life worrying over a thought?
An OCD sufferer somewhere, right now, could be in complete turmoil because of a meaningless thought.
  • Mad4choco, nat@ocd, sarann and 1 other like this


#547295 It's my first birthday

Posted by taurean on 19 November 2014 - 12:58 PM

I felt this anniversary deserved one of my dodgy poems. 

 

So here's to you PolarBear;

 

PolarBear has gone a year today

Obsessions mostly gone away.

Hurrah, hurrah we shout for him

(i hope he's kept his beard in trim!)

 

it's great he chose to join our group

And keep  all in the recovery loop;

He tells the  things we need to do

To overcome and get there too.

 

He's writing a book on OCD

it could be featured on TV!

Well done my friend, something I'll maybe do

When i can claim" recovered" like you.

 

i'm  a way off yet, still looking to balance out 

Maybe effort, meds and oily trout!,

But I really feel i'm on my way

With regular help from you each day.

 

Have a glass of something  with Mrs Bear  my friend

For you the struggle is at an end

But your wonderful desire to help and inspire others here

Is not in vain, never fear 


  • bendylouise, mummyoftwogirls and HeadAboveWater like this


#546678 Irrational or Silly Thought Log - Let's have them

Posted by gingerbreadgirl on 16 November 2014 - 05:13 PM

Could my used teabag set the bin on fire?


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#545142 Forum Moderation Note

Posted by Ashley on 09 November 2014 - 02:04 PM

A note to all users. 

 

On occasions (less than 1% of total threads) we have to remove threads for various reasons, reasons the forum may not always be aware of.  If that happens can I ask you please do not create multiple other threads asking where the first went.  We will simply delete them all, and in doing so it slows down the process of the original moderation.

 

Five minutes ago I made a thread invisible and in dealing with multiple other threads I have not had time to make the first visible again, minus two posts I want to remove, or PM the original thread start to explain why.

 

Come on guys, just trust us to do our jobs, we are a good team and don't just remove threads for the sake of it.

 

Thank you.


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#545004 OCD and the easy cure for it

Posted by PolarBear on 08 November 2014 - 11:05 PM

My therapist told me every type of ocd is just as severe but obviously you know   best

For the third time (fourth counting Ashley's response), OCD severity has nothing to do with the type of OCD a person has. It has to do with the impact OCD has on a person's life.


  • bendylouise, fefee and Starlord127 like this



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